How Do You Stop Crying?, Recent Loss Options

[Countrygirl]

I am Tina,
I was fortunate enough to speng 8 short years with my best pal BooBear. The very first night I took him home, (he had been abbandoned on a vets door) he fell right to sleep on my chest. Anytime I was upset he was there. He would greet me at the door everyday. He had to be put to sleep.

He had diabetes for one but lost control of his bowels and bladder so I believe there was more they had not found. The last day he kept hidding under the sofa something he would never do....just to nosey. When I would hold he he would latch on like he was off balance. I went to brush he with the softest brush and even that seemed to cause him pain. I made the decision but I can't sto[ second guessing myself and I can't stop crying. I come home to an empty house and an even emptier heart. I never thought it could hurt this much. I used yo yell him we would grow old together. That didn't happen and now it is just so hard. I was glad when I found this site, even though my family grieves with me they really can't feel the everyday loss. Thanks for letting me pour out my heart...I don't know what else to do with it.

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[Stormycloud]

HI there Tina, I

just wanted to say sorry for your kitty BooBear's passing, he sure was a beautiful cat. What a nice story too, rescuing him for your vet's office! You know, I never understood why people got so emotional about their pet dying until I lost my dog Stormy back in February at the age of 14 - I now totally understand. It is completely and utterly devastating - my eyes looked 'funny' for days afterwards from all the crying I did. At any rate, your sweet cat was so pretty and I am so sad for you, if it's any comfort many people on here know EXACTLY what you are going through - it is such a tough time.

Sending you a little hug to remember your sweet cat BooBear (cute name too!!) and please don't second guess yourself, you did what was right at the time.

Moira

[ladywolf]

Hi Tina--

I am so so sorry for your loss of your BEAUTIFUL BooBear. What a gorgeous kitty!

You didn't say when you had to have him euthanized, but it sounds like it was very recent. Sadly, your tears are likely to continue for some time to come, along with all kinds of other emotions. Tears are our way of expressing our sorrow and, eventually, washing some of it away. Some people cry for months or years over the loss of a pet, some people for only a few days or weeks. It is hard to know what your own grieving path will look like and feel like. Just be sure to be gentle with yourself and not expect yourself to "get over it" until you are ready to--and even then, you will probably never fully "get over it." You'll just stop hurting SO much.

It sounds to me like you took very good care of your BooBear, and when his bodily functions broke down, you assisted him across the Rainbow Bridge to a place with no pain. I wouldn't spend too much time second-guessing yourself; I think sometimes it's just their TIME, for animals and humans alike, and there's nothing we can do to stop it.

Everyone here understands the measure of pain and loss you are feeling--we have all gone through it too. Although it's been very quiet around here lately, I'm sure you'll get other empathetic, comforting responses. This Forum is truly amazing, because here we can let it ALL hang out--ALL of our grief--without fear of being judged for it.

Keep on breathing--that's what I've had to tell myself when in a state of grief--just keep on breathing. Eventually, everything will become more bearable--but you will be on your own unique timetable.

All love to you--

Margi and Ladywolf

[smokey/lady/max]

Hi Tina
I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain you are feeling and the tears that you are sheding. Your BooBear was absolutely gorgeous. You come here and pour your heart out as much as you want to and we are here to listen. There isnt one emotion that any of us here havent felt so you let it all out. I know none of us can be there in your home to comfort those lonely nights and the empty feeling but we are there with you in thought . Your BooBear is there but as our sweet Janika would say he just isnt in the physical precense but he is in spirit and I do believe that. And remember he is there in your heart forever and that will never leave. I will be thinking of you and BooBear through this beginning of your journey without him. There will be alot of turns in the road on this journey to healing but there will be someone here around every curve. You are in my prayers and our angels our watching over all of us.

Hugs
Anna
xoxo

[Countrygirl]

HI there Tina, I

just wanted to say sorry for your kitty BooBear's passing, he sure was a beautiful cat. What a nice story too, rescuing him for your vet's office! You know, I never understood why people got so emotional about their pet dying until I lost my dog Stormy back in February at the age of 14 - I now totally understand. It is completely and utterly devastating - my eyes looked 'funny' for days afterwards from all the crying I did. At any rate, your sweet cat was so pretty and I am so sad for you, if it's any comfort many people on here know EXACTLY what you are going through - it is such a tough time.

Sending you a little hug to remember your sweet cat BooBear (cute name too!!) and please don't second guess yourself, you did what was right at the time.

Moira

Thank you Stormycloud,
I really needed to hear that. One day my eyes will go back to normal. Sorry for your loss as well. Thank you for you kind words and the hug. Countrygirl Tina

[Countrygirl]

Thank you to all of you that reached out to me at this time. It means the world to me. Thank you for the angel picture of Boo. It is getting a little better. Thank you again. I also want to say how sorry I am that you do truly understand what I am going through only because you had to experience it as well. May we all heal together. Countrygirl Tina

[tanbuck]

Tina, I'm so sorry about your BooBear. His pictures are beautiful. I know you loved him deeply and miss him terribly. I love dogs, but I'm a cat person at heart. I just lost 2 cats within 7 months who were brothers. They were my everything. I, too, was wanting to grow old with them. I even used to tell one of them that we had a pact that we would go together many years from now. I knew it couldn't happen but it made me happy to have that connection with him.
I'm sorry for your loss. I know the emptiness, the quiet house, all the "firsts", and thinking of all the future "firsts". I hope each day will get better for you. But I know from my own experience that sometimes the feelings of the first day come back out of nowhere. Just breathe. And keep posting when you feel bad.
-Donna

[janika]

Dear Tina

Please know that you and your darling Angel BooBear are in my thoughts and prayers. He looks adorable in his photo. He will be watching over you and wanting you to think of him when he was well and you were happy together. He knows that you made your decision because of your love for him, but we all wonder and question ourselves about 'was it the 'right' time', should we have waited ? I think our fur babies have their way of letting us know when they are ready, and there is no way that their suffering should be allowed to continue.

The emptiness and feeling of loss is unbearable, but take each day as it comes and allow yourself to grieve in whatever way you feel. I cried every day for a few months , now 8 months later I feel that I can think of Noushka and 'smile' at all her little ways and remember all our 'happy' and 'sad' times without crying and feeling bad. Yes, I will always miss her physical presence, but like my Tasha Angel ,and my many fur/feather Angels before them, I know that she is always with me.
Love and hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

[madi]

Tina, 8 years is not long enough I agree with you and I know only too well how it feels to lose a soul mate that you love so very much. Your BooBear looks just like my Zelda cat, she is my surviving cat, I lost my 3yr old boy Ulriich 11 months ago. I was devastated to say the least and I know how you are feeling right now, you feel like you will never recover from such a great loss. I really didn't think I would survive at times and if it wasn't for this forum and all the animal lovers here who understand exactly how each other feels, I wouldn't have. I hope the love and understanding we can give each other helps you get through your loss. Hang in there, my thoughts and prayers are with you. xx


madi xx

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Tina
I'm very sorry about the loss of your best friend - BooBear. Our pets live for such a very, very short time and it just doesn't seem fair - does it? We lost our Westie, Sammy when she was just a bit over 11 years old. It will soon be five months that she's gone and yesterday was another difficult day -- a crying day for me. It has gotten better with time -- but there is just that emptiness in the house that seems so huge. I hope you can find some peace in the coming days. I don't know what else to say to make you feel better -- just know that all of us here on this forum have been where you are and we truly know and understand what your feeling. Come back and talk to us whenever you need to.
Blessings
Sharon

[karen - casey]

Tina,

What a beatiful cat. I know how much you are missing your BooBear, as I am feeling the same way right now. I had 12 wonderful years with my Casey (crossed Rainbow Bridge 11/13/2008) and 14 with my Shelby (just crossed 4/29/2010) and I still feel that was not enough time. I have not stop crying since Shelby has passed. I am one of those "what if" people, but with the support of the wonderful people here they have helped me realize that I did what I had to do for Shelby - as you did for your BooBear. We both have a lot of healing to do, but in time things will get better - I know it just doesn't feel that way right now. Just take one day at a time and know you have someone right by your side. My husband keeps assuring me I will see all my beloved pets again one day - a day I am very much looking forward too.

You are in my thoughts and prayers

Karen

[Countrygirl]

To everybody that was there for me with their support and their kind words I have something to share.

From the moment I made the decision to have BooBear put to sleep I was second guessing myself. I had prayed many times for God to help me know I did the right thing so that I could heal. Last night about an hour after I fell asleep the worst and best thing happened. I had lets call it a dream of my BooBears death if I had not done what I did. The final moments were so vivid, the feeling, the sights, the smells...it was so bad. I woke up crying but knew from that moment on I had really don't the right thing and just in time. As the fog cleard from sleep a song played in my head...Holes in the floor of heaven...I knew.

So to anybody out there with the same questions, when you love your furbaby so much you need to trust that the connection goes beyond what others may see and you know you really, really know when they are in pain. Follow your heart.

What I saw in my dream was so horrible but such a blessing as well because I have no doubt that I sent BooBear to the Rainbow Bridge not a moment too soon. Even if it meant I could have had a few more days with him I would not have wanted the end I saw for him.. Trust in your love. Thank you again and I hope this helps someone else. This sight has been a God send. Tina (BooBear's Mom forever)

[Bue's Mommy]

Hi Tina, I'm so very sorry for your loss. BooBear was absolutely gorgeous.
I'm not going to lie, it may take you a very long time to heal. I'm still healing.
Just know that you're not alone, and we understand, I'm glad you found the site.

I don't usually respond to these kinds of threads, because it's still very painful for me.
The fact that you called your baby Boobear is what struck me.
I used to call my kitty Buebear too.

Take care Tina, and if you feel up to it visit my link.
It may put a little smile on your face.

[ladywolf]

Tina--

Thank you so much for sharing your dream experience. It sounds like it was horrible and wonderful all at the same time. Yes, most second-guessing doesn't take into account that our furkids ARE getting sicker, and are in a catastrophic decline already anyway, and are probably going to go out in some terrible way if we don't assist them. My dog Poppers got very ill the night before she died. Without going into gory details, it was obvious to me that she was going to need to be helped the next day if she didn't die on her own, and then she DID die on her own in the very early morning, without assistance. But I sure wouldn't have wanted either her or me to have to endure more of what she was undergoing at the time of her death.

We tend to think about them when they were HEALTHY when we wish we had had more time with them, but that's distorted thinking. For example, I want the HEALTHY Ladywolf back right now, and I am never going to have her again. So we have to make the best of our situation. She and I will never take another walk together again, that is clear. But she is still comfortable most of the time, still eating, still perky--just weighted down by these awful TUMORS that will never go away. Ladywolf is an old, sick Wolf, but I still love her madly and always will...

Thanks again for sharing. I am glad that you had that dream--it should erase any doubts you were holding that you did the right thing for your beloved BooBear, and at the right time.

Be gentle on yourself and take good care.

Big hugs from Margi and the Wolf

[Jon730]

We are going through the same at the moment. Murphy, a look-alike to yours, is dying.

I have a thread on here about my Cat-wife Miles, who I lost over two years ago.
The only thing that helped me is on the New Beginnings thread, about Iggy (Ignatius The Great.)

We have a short-circuited Love Surplus that has nowhere to go, and it seems to intensify the loss beyond being bearable. The emptiness makes it worse.

If Iggy had not found me, I do not know what would have happened to me. I didn't want to live.

Our best friends have no knowledge of their own mortality. They live in an innocent present every day. To me, a new friend was a clown, therapist, and comforter, and I began to be able to enjoy the memories of the special relationship Miles and I had.

None of our friends can ever be coldly "replaced", and like many of us, I am infuriated when people causally say, 'just get another one..it's just an animal."
My response to that. spoken or not, is 'i do not want to know you any more."

So that is not what I am saying.
What I am saying is Gibran's "A friend is your needs answered".

[Countrygirl]

We are going through the same at the moment. Murphy, a look-alike to yours, is dying.

I have a thread on here about my Cat-wife Miles, who I lost over two years ago.
The only thing that helped me is on the New Beginnings thread, about Iggy (Ignatius The Great.)

We have a short-circuited Love Surplus that has nowhere to go, and it seems to intensify the loss beyond being bearable. The emptiness makes it worse.

If Iggy had not found me, I do not know what would have happened to me. I didn't want to live.

Our best friends have no knowledge of their own mortality. They live in an innocent present every day. To me, a new friend was a clown, therapist, and comforter, and I began to be able to enjoy the memories of the special relationship Miles and I had.

None of our friends can ever be coldly "replaced", and like many of us, I am infuriated when people causally say, 'just get another one..it's just an animal."
My response to that. spoken or not, is 'i do not want to know you any more."

So that is not what I am saying.
What I am saying is Gibran's "A friend is your needs answered".

Dear Jon,
Sorry to hear what you are going through. I am not ready for another friend just yet. I know in the future there will be one but this cat my look-alike BooBear was so intune with me, he would greet me at the door everytime I came home. He had me so very well trained, the first thing I did in the morning was to get his breakfast, and before I would leave for work I had to make sure the shade was up on his window seat. I was never as attached to someone as much as I was attached to BooBear. I had husbands that did not mean as much as my BooBear. When I cry a little less I will consider a new furbaby...My prayers are with you in this horrible time. Take care Tina

[tahoeden]

Dear Countrygirl,

I know your pain exactly and am deeply sorry for your loss. I've no words of comfort about crying. I previously posted under Soul Mutt, losing my beloved dog, Kota, whom was with me daily for 16 years. I've been either staying at my sister's or borrowing her dog so I'd have company at home. Right now I came home for the first time alone. I've no family or kids, and for the last year I didn't work so as to be able to care for my aging dog. When the tears come, it feels like every cell of your body is sobbing...sometimes it seems like death would be easier than living. Your beloved cat is beautiful. I'm sure that wherever she is, doesn't compare to the paradise you gave her in this life. Yesterday I just picked up Kota's ashes, having put her down less than 2 weeks ago. The emptiness at home and in our hearts seems unbearable. I'm trying to trust other's here whom say that one day the tears won't be as intense. And like you, I'm no where near ready nor thinking about ever having another dog or cat again. From the Lord of the Rings, Frodo said, "Some wounds go to deep...and some hurts never heal." So in reply to your question of how do you stop crying, instead of one day at a time take it one tear at a time. My thoughts are with you and your loss.

Dennis

[eye_miss_meeshac...]

Oh wow look at BooBear. GORGEOUS as can be. I want to tell you that I am so very very sorry for your loss. I wish I could offer all kinds of comfort. I myself am going through loss of my little black kitten named Meeshack. I did not have him near as long as you had gorgeous little BooBear and I'm grieving humungously so I can imagine how huge your pain is. I'm not trying to be negative but have learned that sometimes sugar coating doesn't really help. The pain and loss is real, and sometimes we just need people to cry with us. I am crying with you and your precious heart, and I pray for comfort during this sad time. May God bless you and comfort you with the fact that you "WILL" see BooBear again. Love, Donna (eye_miss_meeshack)

[Bruce's Mom]

To everybody that was there for me with their support and their kind words I have something to share.

From the moment I made the decision to have BooBear put to sleep I was second guessing myself. I had prayed many times for God to help me know I did the right thing so that I could heal. Last night about an hour after I fell asleep the worst and best thing happened. I had lets call it a dream of my BooBears death if I had not done what I did. The final moments were so vivid, the feeling, the sights, the smells...it was so bad. I woke up crying but knew from that moment on I had really don't the right thing and just in time. As the fog cleard from sleep a song played in my head...Holes in the floor of heaven...I knew.

So to anybody out there with the same questions, when you love your furbaby so much you need to trust that the connection goes beyond what others may see and you know you really, really know when they are in pain. Follow your heart.

What I saw in my dream was so horrible but such a blessing as well because I have no doubt that I sent BooBear to the Rainbow Bridge not a moment too soon. Even if it meant I could have had a few more days with him I would not have wanted the end I saw for him.. Trust in your love. Thank you again and I hope this helps someone else. This sight has been a God send. Tina (BooBear's Mom forever)

Thank you so much for sharing your dream with us, CG. I am still grieving and crying endlessly over the loss of our 15-year-old boy kitty, Bruce, whom we had to put to sleep 10 days ago. I just don't know how I'm ever going to go thru life with this ragged hole in my heart. I find myself second-guessing my decision all the time. It's nice to hang onto that thought that our connection goes beyond what can be seen.

I wish I could have a dream of him like you did with BooBear. The only symbol I've experienced is that of a real-life brown rabbit that came into our backyard for 4 days, 3 days after Bruce passed. I've never seen that bunny before that time, and haven't seen him since. I wonder: was it a sign?

[ladywolf]

Bruce's Mom--

If something was a sign to YOU, then it was a sign! We're the ones who interpret signs, after all--there's no absolute proof either way. That little bunny could indeed have been a sign of Bruce, since all animals share the same consciousness.

CG--BooBear is absolutely gorgeous! What a great kitty, and what a loss. I am so so sorry. How are you doing with it all today?

Big Hugs from Margi and Wonderwolf