Abbygayle's Journey Options

[moon_beam]

My dear Lightning Strike Friends,
Today is a very hard day. It is Sunday and is very likely the last weekend I will have with my beautiful baby girl, Abbygayle. For those who may not already know, I started posting about my beautiful kitty daughter in the Pet Illness Forum. About 2 weeks ago she very quickly declined to not eating. Over the last 2 weeks I have had her into the vet twice on "emergency" visits where she was given subQ fluids and medication to help stimulate her appetite - - thinking at first that maybe the pain meds had suppressed her appetite. She has been on very mild pain meds since January but I know they can change the way food tastes and smells, and can make digestion quite unappealing. The last visit was Tuesday, March 9. Another vet in the practice saw her as Tuesdays are our regular vet's day off. The vet took a couple of x-rays which showed NO invasion of the Fibrosarcoma into her bones - - anywhere, and her vital organs looked well within normal limits. On Friday, March 5, Abbygayle's first "emergency" visit, her regular vet did a BUN test for kidney function which all results were well within all normal ranges.
My beautiful baby girl is not a happy camper. I am syringe feeding her to try to keep her from going into crisis so that we can have this last weekend together. But I am prepared to take her the ER vet today if she goes into seizure for some reason.
My precious Noah, Abbygayle's sibling brother, is trying his best to keep our little household together, but he will be the sole furchild survior in a household that has gone from 4 furkids to just him within a 39 month time frame. I love him dearly. He is bright and mischievous - - makes me laugh even in times of complete exasperation from his antics sometimes. Abbygayle is my baby cuddles girl. She has loved being held and cuddled since day one. Noah will let me hold him but just so long - - a typcal boy child who can tolerate mommy's "mushy stuff" just so long. Abbygayle on the other hand will let me hold her in my arms for as long as we both need a hug and cuddle. The pending reality of not being able to hold her in my arms again is just ripping apart my heart and spirit to the unbearable breaking point.
I have an appoitnment for her with her regular vet PCP tomorrow afternoon for an updated evaluation and to discuss euthanasia. I am hoping the vet can help me keep her comfortable through Wednesday afternoon so that I can take her in Wednesday evening for the procedure, bring her home to Noah, wrap her precious body, and return her to the vet on Thursday morning for cremation. I had scheduled to have Thursday off from work for a dental appointment, but I will cancel the dental appointment and still take Thursday off from work. If the vet cannot find anything definitive tomorrow that would help me better understand what has caused this sudden loss of appetite and snowballing failure, I may request that she do a necropsy before Abbygayle is cremated and returned to me.
Needless to say, my friends, I am in quite a sorrowful state. I can hardly see to type this through my tears, so I hope this makes some sense to you as you read through it. I ask that you please keep my precious Abbygayle and Noah in your thoughts and prayers, and I will let you know what happens as soon as I can. And please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers knowing that you are carrying your own burdens of grief and sorrow.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[janika]

Dear Moon_Beam

How sad for you. I have been thinking about Abbygale since you first posted, and hoping and praying for her.
Please know that my thoughts are with you and your darling furbabies Abbygayle and Noah. Abbygayle knows how much she is loved and cherished.

Love and hugs

Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

[tanbuck]

Moon beam, I am so so sorry. I wish we could hold each other's hands right now. We are in the same situation even down to me being off from work on Thursday this week. Ironically, I work for a dental office!
I'll keep breathing in deep if you promise to.
My baby Niles has dropped to a dangerously low weight. We've been giving SQ fluids and syringe-feeding him. He occassionally eats a treat on his own but has lost interest in food. His last appointment was last Tuesday as well. My regular vet is now on vacation for 2 weeks and I don't know the vet filling in for him. (I used to work for my vet) I don't want someone I don't know to put him to sleep but I don't think we're going to make it until his regular dr. gets back. I'm watching for signs that it's time but I just don't know. I don't want to go too long but I don't want to give up on him either. I know from his brother's death last August that I will feel guilty no matter how it happens or when it happens. I don't feel like I can function.
I hope that Abbygayle will hold out until it is the best time for you to be with her through this. The stress of needing to be at work and needing to be with her is taking it's toll, I'm sure. I know it is for me. I'm just so confused with all the conflicting information in my head.
I will keep the two of you in my prayers. I'm so sorry for you. It makes me cry to think that someone else is going through the same pain I am. I hope that this will happen peacefully for both of us.
-Donna

[janika]

Dear Donna

I am thinking and praying for you and your darling furbaby Niles.

Love and hugs

jan and my Angels and Pixie.

[Flossie's Mom]

MoonBeam & Donna....

Some posts here just tear me up and bring to the surface the loss of my cat in 2005 and then my precious Flossie in 2008.

Baby & Flossie were the two most difficult journeys for me so far. Both had sort of special needs and I am glad I was the one who could provide that for them. Baby was at least 15 and Flossie was 17+ so I know I did a pretty good job but their loss was difficult. All losses are difficult but these two depended on me for a very long time. I hope I did not fail them in the decisions I made for them.

I hold you both in my thoughts & prayers along with Abby & Niles.

Ginger

[moon_beam]

Dear Jan, Donna, and Ginger, thank you so much for your comforting thoughts and prayers. As I was starting to write Abbygayle was stretched out on a carpet covered bench in front of the big basement double doors looking out at the birds and squirrels. I have one side of the double doors open and gated off so that Noah and Abbygayle can get some fresh air in their lungs with temperatures in the low 60's here in the Blue Ridge Mountain region of Virginia - - a preview to spring - - a spring that will empty without my beautiful Abbygayle and my handsome Black Lab Oslo - - who joined the angels 4 months ago come March 29. A spring that will see my little boy Noah as an only child for the first time in his 6.5 years of life, a life that has been devoted to the care of his baby sister. And in just the few minutes in typing to you she is curled up on the double bed at the foot of my bed trying to rest. Ordinarily she would be curled up next to me and Noah, but she has been physically separating herself from her "family pack" in preparation for her departure from us. I put the double bed at the foot of my bed for Oslo which he thoroughly enjoyed through the years.

Donna, thank you so much for sharing with me about your precious Niles. I share your concerns about not wanting your precious Niles to pass at the hands of a stranger, as I have had the same fears for my Abbygayle - - having to take her to the ER vet. Even though I know that the ER vet would be as compassionate as possible under the circumstances, he / she would still not have the "history" and emotional connection with her, and I know that she would be frightened in an unfamiliar place and unfamiliar people tending to her. I do hope and pray with all my heart that you will find comfort in your heart as you make decisions for your precious Niles and in whatever circumstances are presented.

Thank you again, Jan, Donna, and Ginger, for your most kind and comforting thoughts and prayers. I know I can't travel this journey alone. Thank you for sharing it with me.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Moon_beam
I am so sorry about Abbygayle. I know how hard these last days are and all the wondering if what we're doing is the right thing. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
sharon

[Foxysmummy]

Hi Moon beam, I've just been reading your story and just want you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers also.

Donna, you and Niles are in my thoughts and prayers too.

It's an awful to go through, but both of your babies know how loved they are.


Irene

[moon_beam]

My dearest Lightning Strike Friends,
It is with a sorrowful heart that I share the news with you that Abbygayle joined the angels at approximately 3:55 p.m. today, Monday, March 15, 2010, under the loving supervision of her primary care physician, Dr. Sonia Bolen. It was increasingly clear to me through the night last night and this morning as I was giving her some fluids through the feeding syringe that she was ready. I had made an appointment for her for this afternoon for a status evaluation and to discuss euthanasia. Just during this past week since last Tuesday when she saw Dr. Neal she had lost close to another pound. I couldn't let her starve to death. I also noticed last night that she was limping on her left hind leg now, something she had not been doing - - or had been hiding from me until she could no longer do it. She was very uncomfortable with my holding her - - just couldn't tolerate the hugs. So, Dr. Bolen eased Abbygayle's journey to heaven's perfect garden today.

I brought her home - - one last time - - for Noah to pay his respects, and he has been doing so quite lovingly - - as he always has been with his baby sister. I will return her to the vet tomorrow after I get home from work for cremation with her ashes to be returned to me. They did her pawprint today - - one for the vet practice and one for me.

This is really hard, but I wanted to share the news with you. Please understand if I don't respond to your posts for a couple of days - - I promise you your comforting words and thoughts are most sincerely appreciated. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[BullyMama]

Oh moon beam,

I am so very sorry, my heart goes out to you....I am thinking of you and your dear sweet baby Abbygayle.

BullyMama

[CharliesMom]

Dear Moon_Beam,
Having just gone through this myself a few days ago with my beloved Westie, Charlie, I can certainly emphathize with your feelings. That you could have the presence of mind to post such a beautiful message within hours of Abbygayle's death is is a true testament to your strength and the love you had for your sweet kitty. She is at peace now and no longer suffering. Take comfort in that, when and if you can, and come back on when you feel up to it and let us know how're you're doing.

Blessings,

Barbara

[Flossie's Mom]

MoonBeam......

I understand completely what sadness you feel while knowing the decision was made out of complete love for Abbygale. She had a wonderful loving home.

I still feel that sadness and knowing full well the choice I made was right for my Flossie from time to time. I also doubt myself at times.

Now you begin moonbeams journey..... and Noah also has a journey ahead without his companion but both of you will be in good company and often feel Abby as she is watching over you.

Thinking of you today...............

[Foxysmummy]

Moonbeam I am so sorry to read your latest post. Take comfort that Abbygale is in no more pain, she will be watchinh over you now. She knew how loved she was. Take care.

Irene

[tanbuck]

Moonbeam, I am so very sorry. My heart goes out to you because I know your heart is broken. I know that memories are painful right now but I do hope that they will be comforting to remember later on. I'm still trying to get to that place with memories of Frasier.
I just ache for you and my prayers go out to you. I prayed for Abbygayle on Sunday that her passing would be peaceful for you and her. I just hate that they have to go!
-Donna

[janika]

Dear Moon_beam

I am thinking of you and your darling Angel Abbygayle. My heart goes out to you as I know your's is broken, but Abbygayle knows how much she's loved and cherished and she will be watching over her Mum from a place where she is healed and well again.

Love and hugs

Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

[moon_beam]

Dear Jan, Flossie's Mom, Barbara, Irene, BullyMama, Donna, Sharon, Ginger, and all dear Lightning Strike Friends,
Thank you so much for your loving, comforting thoughts and prayers. I cannot believe it has already been 27 hours now since my precious baby girl joined the angels. Having her here last night for Noah - - and me - - was very comforting. I took her back to the vet after I got home from work today and will have her ashes back the week of March 29. I got her pawprint today. She always used to enjoy being brushed. She had long, thick, plush beautiful grey fur, and I used a soft tine brush on her to get down through the layers. But the last month she wasn't able to tolerate it, and her fur did begin to look bedraggled. So, last night I was able to give her a good brushing and have saved her fur in a little plastic baggie. There is plenty more of it throughout the house where she was shedding, and I plan on saving that as well. Noah is actively seeking rubs and hugs from me - - which is just what we both need. He has been such a super kitty brother and I am so very proud of him - - which I tell him frequently.
Both Noah and Abbygayle were rescued by a couple of co-workers in May 2003. Neither of them could adopt the little furbabies, so they asked me if I would. Noah was fine, but Abbygayle was actively dying from horrible flea, tick, and maggot infestation. Noah was rescued first because they could get ahold of him, and a few days later they were able to get ahold of his sister because she was then too weak to run from them. Noah was always her caregiver - - he groomed her and made sure that she had the "lion's share" of food. Noah joined this little household first, and after intensive medical care totally incurred by my co-workers, Abbygayle came a couple of weeks later. Her immune system was already severely compromised, and that I believe is one of the reasons why the cancer took such ahold of her with a vengence. We had 6 years and 10 months together, 9 of those last months due to the valiant efforts of her PCP to help me give her a good quality of life. Noah settled into his new home nicely and bonded instantly with his big adopted kitty brother, Eli, and soon realized that his big doggy brother Oslo was just a big loveable "kittycat". But the evening when my co-workers brought his sister here, and Noah saw her - - his eyes and entire body lit up like a Christmas tree. He was SO O O O happy to see his baby sister again, and after my co-workers left, he gave his baby sister a tour of her new home - - both upstairs and here in the basement living quarters - - which is our primary living space. And they were basically inseparable for the rest of their lives together - - until now.
These last several months I have had to gate off the basement steps to the upstairs so that Abbygayle did not stress her hip and leg going up and down the steps - - which greatly restricted Noah's space as well. They both enjoyed going upstairs to explore and have some "separate space" to take a nap - - usually in the upstairs master bedroom. And when friends and family would come by to visit Noah would come upstairs to visit for a little bit and then would come back downstairs to be with his baby sister - - who hid from everyone who came to visit. She would only reappear for me after everyone had left.
She was and will always be a very special joy of my life, and I am so honored to have been her human guardian during her very brief journey on this side of eternity. It does console me to know that she is now healed in the Presence of our Heavenly Father Creator - - no more cancer, no more pain - - and is frolicking in the warm sunshine of heaven's perfect garden with Eli and Oslo, and each of your precious fur babies. But I must confess it's going to take awhile for me to work through this painful grief - - not just for me but for Noah as well for his loss is deep as well. After I got home from the vet I removed the gate from the basement steps so that Noah can now go back upstairs to visit the places that he shared with both Eli and his sister. He has been upstairs a couple of times, but he is cuddled next to me as I'm writing to you, which is comforting for me to feel his sweet little body snuggled next to me.
Thank you, each of you, for sharing my baby girl with me, and for being here for me. Please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[hopelessheart]

moon_beam,
I'm so sorry for your loss. There is no doubt in my heart that Abbygale is now in a much better place. She is no longer in pain but i'm sure she misses you just as much as you miss her. I will keep you, Abbygale, and Noah in my thoughts and prayers. You were a very good mom to her and I know she appreciates every ounce of love you gave her. Take care.

Hugs,
hopelessheart

[tanbuck]

Moonbeam, what a sweet, sweet story. I love Noah and I don't even know him! He was quite a brother and I'm sure will be a comfort to you. You still have a piece of Abbygayle with you as long as you have him.
I think that is what makes losing Niles even more painful because I feel like I'm losing Frasier all over again.
What sweet babies we have! Nothing is more peaceful than their warm little bodies nestled against ours. I'm glad Noah is working hard to help you in that way.
My thoughts are with you.
-Donna

[mynutmeg]

Moon Beam,
I am so sorry for what you are having to endure, I don't wish it upon anyone! It is so tough having to watch your children get weak, sick & die. I can only hope that they really are in a better place where they can run free, purr and be what they once were in their youthful lives. I wish Noah well and you especially going through these turbulent times. Thinking of you!

Nutmeg & Nutmeg's Mama

[moon_beam]

Hi, hopelessheart, Donna, and Nutmeg, thank you so much for your comforting words and thoughts. Noah is a special baby boy, and I am so glad that he is here with me, and honored to be his human guardian. I am taking tomorrow off from work as was planned 6 months ago when I made an appointment for a routine dental check up. I canceled my dentist appointment and am just going to spend the day with my Noah. We need this "dedicated time" together. I thank each and everyone for your caring comforting thoughts and prayers. I am hoping to be able to figure out how to post pictures on this forum to share with you. I'm not really "technically literate" but I really want to share some pictures with you. I hope maybe I can do this in the next few days as my mind becomes a bit clearer. Life right now is kind of on the numb side. Please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam