Feeling Guilty Options

[Brutus]

Murphy...I am so sorry for your loss of your little Westie...hugs.

Anna...oh I can gaurantee Max is so full he is about to burst...lol. How is Dozer doing?

Thinking of you and your angel Max,
Brutus' Mom

[smokey/lady/max]

Dozer still seems to be very lost without his max. right now I am babysitting my moms dashound for a couple days so I am hoping he cheers up alittle bit. But of course gussy loved to come here and play with max those two where buddies . Last night when I brought guss home with me the first thing he did was go in the bedroom where max always slept looking for him. This whole dam thing is just so sad and just tares you apart. Its bad enough that we suffer but we know what has happened they dont understand, OR DO THEY. Dozer did come up while we burried Max and he smelled the bag he was in so maybe he does know that he has died and that is why he looks and acts so sad. The one day he ran streight up to Max's grave a perfect line of prints in the snow. Life Sonya really does suck not only for us but for them too. Its all I can do to try to make it through myself but then to look at dozer even makes it harder. We do seem to take one step forward and two steps backwards. I will be so happy when the day comes that we can talk of our memories of our fur and feather kids with out feeling pain and guilt. WHAT A GREAT DAY THAT WILL BE.

Hugs to you and your angel Brutus
Anna

[smokey/lady/max]

Hi Precious another day has passed without you, still so empty here. I had another good cry last night before I went to sleep. I just miss you sleeping beside me on your bed all covered with mommy's robe. You where so dam cute covered with that big fluffy pink robe and the only thing sticking out was your nose. I hope you have the softest bed there in heaven and are now shareing it with your momo. You and him always slept togther when he was here. You are only a thought away from me. I carry you around in my heart every minute of the day.

Missing you
Head scratches and kisses
Mommy

[smokey/lady/max]

Hi Sweet Angel

Mommy had a really really bad day today. I was at the store and all of the sudden I had a Max moment and just
started crying out of no where. The sun was shinning and it was so nice out and all I thought of was you. You would have wanted right outside to injoy it. I miss you so much and think of you every minute. Every thing reminds me of you lately. Mommy's heart hurts for you.

Miss you deeply
xoxoxoxo Mommy

[janika]

Dear Anna

So sorry you're hurting so much.
I had a good cry tonight as well, there was an article about snowdrops on the TV. We planted them all over my Angels Graves when we buried Noushka, next to Tasha. It just set me off. I had been feeling so happy as well with the news on here that Jennybeans Sadie had been found safe and sound. How wonderful that news was. I feel so happy for them.
It will take time for us Anna, but there will be a time when the hurt won't be this bad. I'm sure it will come. We'll always miss them , and always love them so much, but the pain will gradually sudside. It did with my darling Tasha> life does become good again.
Thinking of you.

Love and hugs

Jan and my Angels xx

[smokey/lady/max]

I know it will I was a mess when my smokey left. I have been doing ok during the day but today was just awful havent busted out crying like that in awhile. I cry every night still sometimes uncontrolable but have had some what a grip during the day. My mom felt so bad for me today I try not to cry around her because she has been so sick and worried about herself and I dont want her to see me hurting but I just had no control I know it was the weather today that set me off. Just thinking how he would have loved the weather. God I feel like this is never going to end even though I know it will eventually. Seems like everything here lately is a reminder. Jan you have become a wonderful friend I just want you to know that. Thank you for being here for me. I wish I could be as strong as you. I really do try to be but I cant help my feelings. I try to focus on other things but everytime I do its like max flashes before my thoughts like I am not suppose to stray from him. Your angels were truely blessed to have had you as thier mommy.

Thank You so much for being here
Anna xo

[smokey/lady/max]

Hi Angel

Today has been one of the hardest days I have had in a couple weeks. I had an overwelming feeling of guilt return today. Making me think of all the things that you loved to do, and will never do anymore. I am going to spell out what GUILT means to me.

G- The GRIEF that I feel
U- The ULTIMATE sacrifice I made to free you of pain
I- All the what If's
L- The LOVE and LOYALITY I LOST
T- The TRUST you had in me

I Love and miss you Idgit my angel
Mommy xoxoxoxoxo

[ruby]

Hi Smokey/Lady/Max,

I liked your poem. I feel exactly the same way. Ruby

[blindsided too.....]

I think we all feel guilty, but not letting our babies suffer has to mean so much more. It is very difficult to let them go.
I pray that knowing your loved one will no longer feel pain or sickness will bring you comfort.

Allicia (Montgomery)

Well said. This is what we have to focus on in the end...

We cannot beat ourselves up for making decisions that we thought were best, and then second-guess ourselves because the pain of the loss drives us insane with heartache. Bottom line is, the creatures that depend on us to care for them cannot/do not tell us they are in pain even sometimes when they are. We have to make a judgment call, and I think in all situations I've read about in this thread you did all that you could do, and your animals are not suffering because you did what was right for them, despite the emotional sacrifice to yourselves.

The treatment for cancer (or most any major illness) is rough on humans (especially older ones), and it's hard enough to bear when you understand what the reasoning is behind it... a pet just doesn't have that kind of understanding. Unless the treatment would have been painless and virtually guaranteed to cure, I don't see that you had much choice.

Forgiving yourself doesn't mean the heartache will end or you'll stop missing your babies. But it can help you redirect your grief so healing can begin eventually... and it will, on your own schedule. Peace.

[ladywolf]

Well said. This is what we have to focus on in the end...

We cannot beat ourselves up for making decisions that we thought were best, and then second-guess ourselves because the pain of the loss drives us insane with heartache. Bottom line is, the creatures that depend on us to care for them cannot/do not tell us they are in pain even sometimes when they are. We have to make a judgment call, and I think in all situations I've read about in this thread you did all that you could do, and your animals are not suffering because you did what was right for them, despite the emotional sacrifice to yourselves.

The treatment for cancer (or most any major illness) is rough on humans (especially older ones), and it's hard enough to bear when you understand what the reasoning is behind it... a pet just doesn't have that kind of understanding. Unless the treatment would have been painless and virtually guaranteed to cure, I don't see that you had much choice.

Forgiving yourself doesn't mean the heartache will end or you'll stop missing your babies. But it can help you redirect your grief so healing can begin eventually... and it will, on your own schedule. Peace.

Dear Blindsided--

I think I've never head it said better, and I think this post should be pinned.

Thanks you so much--Margi and the Wolf

[madi]

Anna, what I see here in your written words is a beautiful person who has admirably taken care of her precious Max right 'till the end. You made the ultimate sacrifice by letting Max go, you put his welfare above your own. The what ifs, well they're always there in all the decisions we make that cause us pain. The love and loyalty you got from Max came from you first, he just gave back what he got from you and he trusted you to make the right decisions for him and you did Anna. I never had the guts to make that decision once when I should have and I so regretted that and always will. I do deserve to feel guilty, but you don't xx


madi xx

[smokey/lady/max]

Its mommy again, I just need to send you love on all your forums. I am back home so mommy needs to let you know everywhere that you all in my heart always.

I miss you so much
Love Mommy
xoxoxo

[tahoeden]

Anna,

Thanks for the nice picture you made for me. I just read your post after Max passed on. You too have suffered a lot of losses. You are right that time doesn't heal a broken heart. As I said to someone else, if you've seen the Lord of the Rings movies, at the end Frodo says, "Some wounds go to deep...some hurts never heal." It's been about 2-1/2 weeks for me and each morning and night is as painful as the day before. I thought I had prepared myself for when Kota would be gone but I never knew I could miss her so constantly and so much. I hope Kota gets to meet your 3 loved ones. The double rainbow picture was quite amazing. You are right, though I don't have a spouse but have lost some relatives...it hurts more when you lose your beloved pet. Like you and your husband never taking a vacation so you wouldn't have to use the kennel. I never went anywhere, for more than a day, without Kota. Why would I want to. Being with her was my vacation. It's about midnite here in California. I really hate this time of night, missing her so much and knowing I have to wake up to the reality. I hope you are making peace with your decision about when you put Max down. Kota too was eating well, and sniffing around and still wagged her tail at me when I would take her swimming. But like the vet said, she had lost all her muscle mass in her hind legs and backside and was probably in a lot of pain. Here's to your 3 amigos and Kota. Take care...

Dennis

[smokey/lady/max]

Thank you Dennis, I know how lonely you are at night with out Kota. My husband works swing shifts and after having dogs for 22 years and now that we have lost our boy Dozer which died 3 months after Max this house is so quiet at night. During the day it is bareable but the nights are terrible. I hope that we all find peace and happiness again.

Take care and remember there is always someone here to listen.
Hugs
Anna and my Angels
xo

[janika]

Dear Anna, and Dennis
It's early morning here in the Uk. I see that you are both still up quite late at night for you both. I am thinking of you . Nights are so bad, I fully understand how you are both feeling and I send my love and hugs for you.
God bless you and all our Angels and fur babies.
Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

[smokey/lady/max]

Hi My Angel Max
It will be 7 months Friday and I am already dreading for it to come. I just had a good cry yesterday for it was 4 months for Dozer. I just can't believe that its been 7 and 4 months already. The pain feels like yesterday. I do have some good days but still have many bad ones. Max mommy just misses that beauitful face and that little nubbie tail of yours. I just love you so so much. You were and are mommy's precious boy. Mommy is going to post one of my favorite pictures of you when you were just a little boy with your brother Mo M0. Then one of you with your big brother Dozer also. These are 2 of mommy's favorite photos. I will always be holding you in my arms and heart along with my other angels. Love and miss you very much. I know you are all togther along with Lady Bud.

Sending you kisses and your favorite head scratches
Mommy
xoxoxo


Mommy's three sons and precious angels
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo


My little baby Max when mommy got you and mommy's little old man Mo Mo and his ball
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[smokey/lady/max]

Lady,Smokey,Max,and Dozer
My Angels this is how mommy see's you togther. Just playing in the water and laying on the beach. I cant wait until we can all be on the beach togther. I know that lady never got to meet you max and Dozer here but I know that she is mothering you both, along with her Mo Mo.

Run and Play til mommy comes to be with you
Hugs and Lots of kisses
Mommy
xoxoxo

[Brutus]

Anna, what great pics, thanks for sharing. I know what you mean about it feeling like it was yesterday, at least the pain feels the same.

Much Love,
Sonya

[smokey/lady/max]

Hi My Angel Max
7 months today since your life ended and you went away. Mommy wants you to know I love and miss you everyday. not one day goes by that I dont speak to you. I just know that if your pain was just a small portion of the hurt and pain I feel in my heart letting you go, then mommy knows I did the right thing. I could have never ever let you suffer you were the best angel and mommy's little idgit. I rescued you to take care of you and if that meant having to let you go to keep you from enduring pain thats what mommy had to do. My heart is broken and may never mend but I know that you only suffered for a very short time. Oh angel mommy is now crying letting you go wasnt easy but I promise I will never let your memory go. Please know I did it for you, it sure wasnt something I ever wanted to do.I love and miss you soooooooo much.

You are my precious boy
sending you lots and lots of kisses and head scratches
Mommy
xoxoxo