Harsh Cruel Words, From a Family Member Options

[Ann H]

I try not to post about my problems with my Snookie being sick but today someone said "Why don't you just put that dog to sleep and put her out of her misery, you know she is eaten up with cancer and is going to die anyway". This person went on to tell me that I am being selfish in keeping her with me and even though she seems to have recovered from her last illness that she must still be in pain.

Why do people have to be so cruel and so hardhearted! This person carried on and on about the money I have spent on her. So what it is none of their business if I wanted to sell my home and be poor the rest of my life. I did not ever borrow money from that person to run all the tests that were done or to pay for her to stay in the hospital.

Oh course I was told no amount of money could save my little girl or I just may have sold my home to fix her. Snookie is not just a dog she is my baby, my child. my heartbeat, the one who loves me in this cruel world. The one who calms me when I am sad and the storms of life seems so hard. Give her up, nothing doing, not until it is her time to go. I will hold onto her with dear life for she is my life.

I am sorry to carry on but when a family member said these things it just kills my soul. They know how I feel about her and should never say things like this.
Ann
Snookie in the car always ready to go.

Attached image(s)

 

[BabyHannahsMom]

Oh Ann,
I don't know what to say except that this person will probably never, ever know the kind of love that you share with precious Snookie baby. It isn't any of their business, for sure. I'll try to think of a "comeback" or find a poem or something for you to share with them. What in the world did you say? Honestly, I can only think that they will never, ever understand, so what in the world you could say. I only believe we have to feel sorry for people who think this way. Don't you agree?

What a precious picture of little Snookie Cookie. Little Snookie is hanging in there for all of us. Honestly, it makes me so happy to know that you still have her there and are able to keep sharing your love with her -- I feel as though she represents all our babies who had to leave too soon, but she's still here. We know you are taking the best care of your little girl and we are so, so happy that she is better, that she is happy, happy to be here with you. Don't let anyone get you down, okay? Just keep taking care of yourself and Snookie and the new puppy. Don't let anything or anyone else take a minute of your time over something that isn't worth worrying about.

God Bless you Ann and Snookie.
Love,
Marcia

[Ann H]

Dear Marcia,
Thanks so much for your sweet words I appreciate it so much. I did not want to say but this person is my own dad. He thinks a dog is just a dog and gets upset with my sister and I that we treat ours like they are babies. I can't even say it's because he is 83 years old that makes him so cranky. It has always been that way with him and I do feel sorry that he has never known the kind of love we have.

He took my mom's sick phantom toy poodle to the dog pound and had her put to sleep without even trying to get her well. He said she was just a dog and he was not going to spend money on her. I did not even know he took her until I went to his house and she didn't come to greet me like she always did. I would have taken her to the vet and paid for it myself had I known what he was going to do. That was when I was in my early 20's. He told me I cried more for the dog than I would for him if he were to die.

Then they got a miniature schnauzer and when my mom passed away he took him to the pound and I don't know what happened to him I believe they put him to sleep. I would have taken him but it was to late when I found out he was no longer with dad. How anyone can be so heartless I have no idea.

I was a little afraid that people might not want me posting since I have not lost my baby yet. I did not want to make anyone feel bad that I still had her but I saw the love and compassion and thought it would be alright. Then when I lost Chili Bean I knew how horrible the death of a baby really was.

Little Schnitzel is doing real well and Snookie even lets her near her and I must admit I do love that little puppy now. I guess my sister did know what was best for me and she knew I would learn to love that puppy and I sure have. No she will never take Snookies place but I have a lot of love for all.
Love, Ann

[Pamela]

OUCH!!! I bet that one hurt. I think some people just dont want to deal with the sorrow of it, they only want to partake in the joy, so they react in that way, even a down right mean way which that was. You and only you will know when Snookie is suffering, you are watching her constantly and you are her mommy and her life, dont let anyone steal that from you. That's what I meant when I said we were the SPECIAL ONES we have the ability to love our babies so deeply, not everyone can or even wants too. This is yours and Snookie'a journey alone, and the doctor to help you guys.and that's the just of it. It was a good kick while you were down, that makes me mad when people do that. be strong and stand firm.......let the arrow's not penatrate your heart. Thinking of you. Pamela

[Ann H]

Oh Pamela it did hurt me so much and I cried so hard and you are right it was a kick. Here we just lost Chili Bean and he was so heartless like that to me. He wanted to know why I didn't leave Chili Beans body for the vet to dispose of. He was mad that it cost $50. to put her to sleep instead of letting the pound do it.

Just up until Snookie got sick my dad let her come to his house almost everyday. After she got sick he told me not to bring her anymore. As a result I don't go over as often as I did and when I do take her it kills me that she has to stay in the car. Her eyes were so sad looking laying there under the blanket so she wouldn't get cold. She looks so sick in this picture as it was right after she recovered but she wanted to go so badly.

To make matters worse he not only told me to put Snookie to sleep but told me to take her to the pound and let them put her to sleep and dispose of her body for free. Oh how I cried when he said that. I will stand my ground no one is going to make me let her go one day sooner than I have to. It sure will not be at the pound it will be at the vets and with me by her side just as she has always been by mine.
Love, Ann

[LS Support]

Why do people have to be so cruel and so hardhearted!

some people just dont get it im afraid, thats why you, me, and the rest of us are here and they arent

[j4lorn]

Hi Ann,

With my first dog who lived to be 16, I had a neighbor tell me "that dog should be shot" after he had wandered into their yard. Real nice.

Your dad must not get the joy out of animals that you or I or the rest of us do. I can't understand his attitude. They are such loving joyful creatures, they add so much to our lives. Sounds like your dad doesn't treat the people in his life any better than he does the animals.. my hus's parents are just like that too, very domineering and abusive and then they wonder why no one wants to be around them.

I feel the same way you do about your Snookie, I felt that way about my Jake, he was the best love I've had in my life.
Loyal and happy and fun-loving and just obsessed with me -- I wish people were more like dogs.

[Pamela]

i was thinking about your situation. Your dad is 83 (mine was 81 when he passed) I was thinking that the older he gets the more fear of death comes to the surface, we all have it, my dad was afraid and he was a beleiver too. So they dont want to hear about it, talk about it and a way it comes out is anger and meaness it's just a way of protecting that vurnable part. He sounds like as soon as Snookie got sick, it stirred something in him that he doesnt want anything to do with. At one point in my life I had way to many kittens, my folks lived in the country so I took about 5 of the 3 month old critters and just put them with all the other cats that lived in the barns ect. well you know what? my dad shot them all, it took me awhile to get over that. I remeber the year I got Moose, he could see how attached I was to him right off the bat, he said I would save myself alot of hearache if I were to just give him away at that point, I remebered those words this last month, but afirmed to myself that I would do it again...10 times. Our fathers came from a time when an animal was in misery or unwanted they shot them. and you know what, it's harder because of the holidays, this time last year, I had Moose and a dear lady that lived with me that had alzhiemers, she lived with me off and on for 3 yrs....she died last April, her name was Phyllis,,,from La Sale Ill. my point is ........make the most of every moment. Pamela

[SJ J & S]

The best advice I can give you is to avoid this person, permanently if possible, practically, until you are ready to face him.

My family were not the best support but to be honest I didn’t expect them to be.

This is your decision alone, and you have to be ready, believe me you will punish yourself enough after so if you are pushed into it you will just never come to terms with the loving act that you had to do.

Ignore them and if they wont leave you alone and you cant talk to them then write to them and tell them that all they are doing is distressing you and that you will do what is necessary when YOU feel it is necessary.
It is your decision alone they do not love Snookie nearly enough to have any say in the matter and you would appreciate their backing off.

As for not posting all your problems, start a kind of diary, say that you don’t expect any replies but you need to tell/write it down, it really helps to get it out of your system then you can move on to the next problem/day.

I went through this for months and didn’t sleep with my husband for at least a month choosing to be with Jude in case she needed me, so what you are going through now is not abnormal – it is quite simply not an easy decision to make, but one you will make when you know the time is right.

If you would like to have a chat then PM me and we could go into the chat room here, let me know.

Love Sue

[Muffins]

Hi Ann:

I am so terribly sorry that your dad said those "stinging" words to you about your precious Snookie.....
I can imagine the terrible ache in your heart that you had.....and, probably still have...

I believe that "that generation of people" just didn't love their "pets/animals", in the way that we all do. That was
during the Depression, and I can only surmise that any kind of work was #1.....
If that makes any sense at all....

Pamela's quote was perfect, I think:

"...............the older he gets the more fear of death comes to the
surface, we all have it, my dad was afraid and he was a believer too...........So, they don't want to hear about it,
talk about it and a way it comes out is anger and meaness, it's just a way of protecting that vulnerable part.

I will never, ever forget.............when my sweet Ernestine was about 14 & 1/2 years old; that was in 1998......she needed to have a "thyroidectomy", (1/2 of her thyroid removed), because of her hyperthyroidism.
I had, at that time, went to a Church....just exploring, Bible Studies and all.

Anyway, this man, (I can't even say "gentleman", who was in his late 70's -- (mind you, a very, very Church-going Christian man)....
After I had shared my story about my sweet girl having to go for this surgery, and that it was going to cost some
$300.00..... Well worth it, as my girl was going to have a better, healthier life....

He said, right out loud..............."A BULLET ONLY COSTS 25 cents!!!!!"

Needless to say............I WAS SHOCKED..... HEARTLESS, MEAN, CRUEL, ETC., ETC., ETC......

Ann.....People just don't understand.....And.........those people, sometimes, include our family members.....

BUT.............We are the lucky ones, aren't we???? We all know what it's like to be awoken in the morning by a
wet nose......and get tons of kisses........
Ms. Lucy has taken to either sleeping on my chest, or my side, with her sweet lil' face nuzzled into my neck.....
Ben caught a picture of that, and gosh, it's soooooooo precious.....
Not everyone knows what it's like to feel that love....
WE'RE LUCKY!!!

By the way, (oh my.......that's what "BTW" means, huh???) your photo of your beautiful, precious, Snookie Cookie ......in the car, ready to go....is so lovely, too!!!

In your 11/20 4:57am post..........you said,

"I was a little afraid that people might not want me posting since I
have not lost my baby yet.....

Please.............do not EVER FEEL LIKE THAT.......
I have always stayed right here, in the Death and Dying Section, when I come and talk about Ms. Lucy and Mr. Yoster.
And, I was told it was just fine.....
Because,........... LIFE, IS A PART OF DEATH.........AND, DEATH IS A PART OF LIFE......

I am sooooo happy to hear about "Little Schnitzel" as well, and that Snookie and the puppy are getting on well!!!

God Bless You and Yours,
Love, Denise xo

[Wanda]

Ann, I am sooooo glad my whole family are pet lovers and I don't have to ever go through mean things being said about what we should do when our pet is ill. I am so sorry for what your father said to you about your Snookie Cookie. It hurts me to when I read about it because our pets (babies) mean the world to us. Some people are so inconsiderate of us and how we feel about our babies. My now deceased mother in-law told her husband to shoot their dog because she couldn't see or hear anymore. I spoke up and asked her if that's what she wants us to do to her if it ever happens that she can't see or hear. Needless to say she got upset with me and didn't speak to me anymore while we were there! I couldn't resist!

The picture of Snookie Cookie is so precious!


Love
Wanda

[Ann H]

Thank you all for your words of comfort. I guess we really are the lucky ones who love and have been loved by our precious babies. I remember one year my sister and I took gifts over to my mom and dads toy poodle same as we did every year. Dad asked why we brought toys and said she had enough but we only saw one toy in the floor. I guess he threw the rest of them away. All she got from him for her birthday was a dirty look and an unkind word.

I guess people must have been a lot harder back in his day like so many have said about others. Sometimes tells my sister and I how when he was a little boy he diposed of a bag of kittens in a very cruel way and the people fixed him dinner for it, he has the nerve to laugh about causing them to die. He knows this story upsets my sister and I and yet he keeps telling it over and over again.
Ann