Feeling Guilty Options

[smokey/lady/max]

Hello To Everyone
I am feeling sooo guilty that I put my max to sleep last week. I cant eat cant sleep and I just want to go back in time to change my decission. I went through this 3 1/2 years ago with my smokey but he did live to be 14 and this time my max was only 7 and I feel I didnt give him a chance to fight for life. Max was diagnosed with a mass on his spleen and he was bleeding from his rectum. The vet was 95 percent sure it was cancer and said that she could take a needle and asperate to make sure but either way his slpeen would have to be removed and that it was a magor surgery and he could maybe not make it. He was in alot of pain 2 days prior to taking him to the vet. He could barely walk . She said she could give him steriods to give me some quilty time with him for the holidays. My husband ask would the out come be the same she said yes it would just buy me some more time with him. At that momement I just didnt want him to suffer. Now I feel like I didn't give him that oppritunity to still be here. I guess in my mind he still was eating and he was so healthy aweek before we noticed he wasnt feeling good. He was always so chipper and love to play and the last 5 days of his life he was in pain. It just breakes my heart that he is gone now. I lay in bed and just sob out loud asking him to forgive me for killing him. I know in my heart he is freed from pain but I wish I could free mine. The only day I felt good was the day I went back to get him. I was going to have him cremated but then couldnt bring myself to do that so I went and brought his body home and burried him with my Smokey and lady. I got max for my smokey because he greived our lady when we had to put her down so I got max for him. I swore when this day would come I would not let myself get like this again and here I am. I visited this site quite a bit the first year my smokey passed but could never bring myself to reach out. For some reason this time it has really been effecting me. I want to thank all of you who care this much for others suffering to be on this site to express thier love for our pets and our pain. The loss of a pet to me is worse then the loss of a family memebr. They are the most loyal and loving thing in our lives. More so then our spouse or anyone. I know in my heart that there is a heaven for them I experineced something so special when my smokey died this is a true story. When he passed I started searching different web sites and came across the rainbow bridge the day that I found it when I went out back and looked up at the graves of my lady and smokey there was a double rainbow right above where they are burried. I have pictures of it. I had in my 51 years never seen a double rainbow. I felt at that momement it was my smokey telling me he was at the rainbow bridge with his lady waiting for me. It was literaly right after I had read the rainbow poem I went out to talk to him and seen the rainbows. If anyone could tell me how to post the rainbows pictures since I am new at this and I am not even sure I am doing this post right. Well I am going to try to post this and hope that it works because I sure could use a friend who understands my loss.

Attached image(s)