Frasier's Story Options

[tanbuck]

Dear Frasier,
8 weeks today. 2 months! I miss you so much. Niles misses you too. I just wish you were here. Sometimes when I look at your picture, there's the tiniest moment where I feel you're still physically here with me. As if the picture is your actual face. And for that tiny moment, Frasier, my body and heart relaxes. Everything's good in that moment and all my babies are here with me. Just for that brief moment. They don't come often enough. I love you.
-Mommy

[tanbuck]

Dear Frasier,
I found this song and it's perfect for the way I feel.

It's cold here in the city
It always seems that way
And I've been thinking about you
Almost every day
Thinking about the good times
Thinking about the rain
Thinking about how bad it feels
Alone again

I'm sorry things ain't what they used to be
But more than anything else,
I'm sorry for myself
Cause you're not here with me.

Our friends all ask about you
I say you're doing fine
I expect to hear from you almost anytime
But they all know I'm crying
That I can't sleep at night
They all know I'm dying
Down deep inside

I'm sorry for all the lies I told you
I'm sorry for the things I didn't say
But more than anything else, I'm sorry for myself
I can't believe you went away

I'm sorry if I took some things for granted
I'm sorry for the chains I put on you
But more than anything else,
I'm sorry for myself
for living without you

I love you Frasier!
-Mommy

[mynutmeg]

I like your song!!
Hugs to Frasier

[tanbuck]

Mynutmeg, thank you. I know it's not cool to quote John Denver but it just fit the best!

Frasier, it's 9 weeks today. Sometimes it feels like 9 minutes and sometimes it feels like 9 years. I've repeated over and over to you that I'm sorry you had to go. Today, baby, I just need to know...you did have to go, right? When Daddy told me to wait to put Niles to sleep 3 years ago, we got the miracle we were praying for. Was there a miracle in store for you and I stopped it?
Do you know that I dreamed of you last night? You and Niles were sleeping together on Buck's bed. I saw Niles there first and then I looked away and looked back and you were there with him. Does it mean anything or was it just a dream? Does Niles need a companion? Or was it that I just want the three of you back together again? There's a cat that we know needs rescuing and I held him the other day. It felt so good. He felt just like you. You know why I don't want him but I can't stop thinking about how it felt holding him. It was so comfortable. I would only do it for Niles but I just can't tell what Niles needs. You know he's a loner but he seems somehow lonely lately. He has sort of taken on some of your personality traits. He's only known having you with him his whole life. I didn't think he ever really cared but now I can't tell! I know you will never tell me to get another and I really don't feel the need for another. I just love you, Niles, and Buck. I don't want to love anybody else.
Buck goes to the vet this weekend for more bloodwork. He is really aging. It's not his time yet by any means, but when it is, please let him be with you. He loved you and you know he needs companionship. Just let him lick you and deal with it. You know you loved it! You just loved to hate him. Don't think we didn't know.
I miss your sweet face. I even miss your stinky breath! Only a mommy can love that! I miss you little hambone. My Frasier Bean. You did have to go, right?
Mommy

[tanbuck]

Hey baby. It's 10 weeks today and sometimes I feel like I've made no progress at all. I just miss you so much. I miss us. I want it all back. If you're out there somewhere, I hope you are calm and happy. Because if you're happy, then I'm ok. I love you, little man. Mommy's baby.
-Mommy

[tanbuck]

11 weeks. I just want you back.
-Mommy

[madi]

Hi Tanbuck, I just read Frasier's story and I would just like to say what a lucky boy he was to have found you, he had a wonderful life by the sound of it. I haven't been on the forum very long and I am trying to read as many posts as I can so I can get to know my fellow pet lovers and their wonderful pets. I know your pain all too well , there's nothing worse and I know you want Frasier back, because I would give everything I own in this world to hold my precious boy just one more time.

madi xx

[tanbuck]

Hey baby Bean. Yesterday was 12 weeks. I cry for you each day. It's weird because everybody used to say that you and Niles looked like twins but to me you were so different from each other. But now that so much time has passed since I actually saw you, it seems like you and Niles are becoming the same cat. Your differences are blurred and he acts like you in ways he never did before. He still looks for you every now and then. I think he wants you to snuggle with as the days get colder. And so do I. I hope you don't mind that he got in your spot this morning in bed and I layed my head on him, closed my eyes, and thought of you. It was comforting but I wasn't able to pretend he was you. But I do feel like I'm able to send love to you by loving him even more. Other than your memories, he's all I have left of you. I'm telling you all of this because I know how jealous you used to be when I'd love on Niles. I just want you to know that loving on him now IS loving on you. I miss you so much. I still can't believe you're gone. It's a dark tunnel I look down when I think about how this hole in my heart will never heal. It will only grow larger as Buck and Niles join you one day. I don't want a new family, just the one I had. Knowing I'll never have that back again is very hard for me. I thank God every day for letting me take care of you for as long as I got to. What a sweet gift you were and still are, mr. man.
-Mommy
P.S. Thank you Madi for you thoughts and kind words. It's so nice when I read that someone has read his story. It makes me feel good for him.

[AngelCareOne]

{{{{{{{To Mommy from Frasier}}}}}}}





"Celebrate My Life!"





Weep not for me though I am gone
Into that gentle night.
Grieve if you will, but not for long
Upon my soul's Sweet Flight.

I am at Peace. My soul's at rest.
There is no need for tears.
For with your Love I was so Blessed
For all those Many Years!

There is no pain. I suffer not.
The fear now all is gone.
Put now these things out of your thoughts,
In your Memory I Live on!

Remember not my fight for breath.
Remember not the strife.
Please do not dwell upon my death.

But Celebrate My Life!

[tanbuck]

Thank you, AngelCareOne. I enjoyed the video watching for my baby to pop up.
-Donna

[AngelCareOne]

Thank you, AngelCareOne. I enjoyed the video watching for my baby to pop up.
-Donna

You're very welcome, Donna. But, please believe me when I say that I know, feel and think your pain. Please accept my deepest condolences. It's been two years since my loss and my kitty Styx is in the process of dying. I'll never get over losing Alex and realize that. My heart is with Styx kitty too, and I hope upon hope that he'll go gently into that goodnight without having any more crises. I weep with you, Dear One. This poem tells about me and Alex.

"The Cats Who've Shared Our Lives"

They will not go quietly,
The cats who've shared our lives.
In subtle ways they let us know
Their Spirit still survive.

Old habits still make us think
We hear a meow at the door.
Or step back when we drop
A tasty morsel on the floor.

Our feet still go around the place
The food dish used to be,
And, sometimes, coming home at night,
We miss them terribly.

And although time may bring new friends
And a new food dish to fill,
That one place in our hearts
Belongs to them ...

And Always Will!

~ Linda Barnes ~

Many Comforting Hugs to You and Angel Fur Kid Frasier!!!
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. Except Alex was a parrot. It all still holds true though.

[madi]

Hi tanbuck, it is difficult isn't it? trying to put all your love into another animal, when all you want is the one you miss back. I'm the same, trying to put all my love into my grand daughter's cat when all I want is Ulriich back. Zelda is a really lovely cat and she is also now taking on some of ulriich's characteristics like doing his roll over tricks and trying to open the door like he used to. When she looks at me she has that same peaceful loving look in her eyes that he used to have. Zelda was a wild eyed girl when she first came here. I too shut my eyes when I hug her and wish she was Ulriich. I really want to love her like I loved him, she deserves it, she's such a lovely cat. I'm trying so hard.

Hugs madi xx

[tanbuck]

Thank you both so much, Madi and Dottie. I don't share my feelings with anyone else anymore other than this forum so it really helps. I don't plan for it but I spend a little time each day crying for Frasier. I just can't believe how I worried so much about his death (and Niles' and Buck's too) but didn't consider how I would feel afterwards. I was so wrapped up in being fearful of his last moments! For the last few years this has been a growing fear of mine since all of my babies are seniors now. I have worried myself to the point of not being able to enjoy their lives! This year while Frasier was sick, I kept saying that I knew I would be ok after he was gone but it was the process of dying that I couldn't handle. Well, it turns out the process was quick with respect to time but the grieving never ends. I thought I was prepared but found I'm not prepared at all. I'm almost emotionally paralyzed because my mind tries to wrap around how much worse this will get when my other two go. My husband and I have not been able to go on vacations because of their needs. I don't want them to go by any stretch of the imagination but my heart needs a break. I hate even typing that because it sounds so horrible! If anyone else reads this, do you know what I'm feeling? Admittedly, I am a worrier but I feel frozen in this state.
-Donna

[janika]

Oh Donna

I really do know just what you are saying and how you are feeling. Our Tasha was diabetic for the last 6 years of her life , bless her, and my husband and I never had holidays together as we couldn't leave her, and wouldn't have wanted to , she was so dependent on us. She left us almost 4 years ago, when she was 14 and Noushka was 9. I had to call the vet to come to our home to let her have peace at last, her quality of life had gone and I couldn't let her suffer. It was the most terrible thing I've ever had to do. I held her close and let her go. It broke my heart. Noushka got me through that terrible time. She missed her too and she needed me to care for her.
We had a scare with Noushka a few months after that. She had Pyometra and had to have emergency surgery to remove her womb and ovaries. I was petrified that we would lose her, but miraculously she pulled through and made a remarkable recovery. The next couple of years or so were good, she was very active for a dog her age, but like you say I worried so much about the next few years and what they had in store for us. I dreaded the time when Noushka would leave me too, instead of enjoying every precious minute.

At 12 she was much slower and sleeping more but still had a good life with short walkies and playful times with her rope and ball right up to the end of August this year, aged 13 . Then she suddenly went off her food and spent most of the time sleeping. Nothing too unusual as she has always been a bit of a picky eater. She didn't improve so we took her to the vets who kept her in for tests overnight. They called in the morning to say she hadn't made it through the night. I fell to pieces, I just couldn't believe it.
Its 12 weeks now and I still can't bear it. I miss her so much. I keep thinking that I should have known how seriously ill she was. But it happened so quickly. I just didn't realise.
I read your story about your darling Frasier . Also Harley Parleys story written by Don after searching for help on here. Your two postings are what made me join Ls and I thankyou for your help, Donna , as I know you replied, when I eventually managed to post on here.
Hopefully the glad times will come more readily to us than the sad times, and then we can move forward as our darling pets would want us to. We will never forget them, and would never want to. We must always remember how wonderful it was that we were the fortunate ones who got to have them in our lives.
Love and hugs for you and your fur friends
Thinking of you
Jan xx

[tanbuck]

Thank you Jan. I know you do understand where I'm coming from.

Dear Frasier,
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and 13 weeks since you left. I am thankful every day for the time I had with you but I will always think that it wasn't long enough. Niles is really wrestling with his inflammatory bowel problem which means I'm cleaning up alot of stuff. With the holidays coming and him being like this, it just brings back so many painful memories of last year. Buck is happy but not his best. His hips are really bothering him and I have to help him up alot. He keeps trying to play with Niles the way he always did with you. But you know Niles, he's not having any of that! Buck doesn't understand. It's funny to watch.
This weather, the holiday, and being off of work for awhile is sending me back to last year. I remember spending days at Christmas just staring at you and crying because we didn't really know what was happening to you and we had to wait so long for the medicine to get here. I just hate that you were ever troubled by anything. Your sweet precious heart and mind never needed to be troubled by anything. I'm glad I was off of work to be with you because it would have been a nightmare to try to go to work during all of that. I was eaten up with worry for you. My mind never stopped going through everything I knew and everything I wished I knew. Those feelings are still so fresh that I dread this season coming again. Especially as I have that awful feeling about Buck. He's so full of life and happiness but what will happen when he can't walk at all? How in the world do I send him to you just because he can't walk? That familiar pain fills my chest again. I know I shouldn't do it, but I look at other people and they seem so happy and I just want a little of that. It's bad enough not having you here anymore but to have to live under the fear that each day will be the day he doesn't get up again or that Niles stops eating. I love you boys so much! I miss "the brothers." My precious angel, I just wish I could smell your fur again. What a ham you were! I've started to cry again so I'm gonna go now. I love you.
-Mommy

[Brutus]

Hugs to you Donna. I hope you are having a good Thanksgiving...Frasier is with you always.

Many hugs,
-Sonya-

[Brutus]

Thinking of you and your baby Frasier,

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

[tanbuck]

Thank you, Sonya. I've been thinking alot about Brutus too. I've looked at all of your pictures and he just reminds me so much of Buck.
Hugs to you.
-Donna

[tanbuck]

Dear Frasier,
I'm having an especially hard time tonight, baby. I miss you so much. Niles is not well. Memories of this time last year are haunting me. I still can't believe you're gone. GONE! Don't be gone. I love you so much. I'm so afraid that Niles will leave too. I miss having my babies with me. I miss you guys tempting me to stay on the couch way too long. I always thought of you two as a set. Like salt and pepper. Every day I look at Niles and know that a part of you is still here in him. And when he goes, you will both be gone. Losing you is the beginning of a long chapter of my life closing. I look at your picture and remember how immeasurably sweet you were. You were just a love bug! You made me feel special and needed. Thank you, baby boy. Thank you for the years you gave me. I hope I gave you a good life. I sure tried. I miss you biting the Christmas tree. And when I wrap presents this year, I'll miss you tearing up the wrapping paper. Maybe we can have bows on the gifts this year. Or maybe, I'll never have bows again. The best gifts we ever gave anyone had your little teeth marks on the bows! You played with a bow just days before you left. I love you so much. Please forgive me.
-Mommy

[AngelCareOne]

Thank you both so much, Madi and Dottie. I don't share my feelings with anyone else anymore other than this forum so it really helps. I don't plan for it but I spend a little time each day crying for Frasier. I just can't believe how I worried so much about his death (and Niles' and Buck's too) but didn't consider how I would feel afterwards. I was so wrapped up in being fearful of his last moments! For the last few years this has been a growing fear of mine since all of my babies are seniors now. I have worried myself to the point of not being able to enjoy their lives! This year while Frasier was sick, I kept saying that I knew I would be ok after he was gone but it was the process of dying that I couldn't handle. Well, it turns out the process was quick with respect to time but the grieving never ends. I thought I was prepared but found I'm not prepared at all. I'm almost emotionally paralyzed because my mind tries to wrap around how much worse this will get when my other two go. My husband and I have not been able to go on vacations because of their needs. I don't want them to go by any stretch of the imagination but my heart needs a break. I hate even typing that because it sounds so horrible! If anyone else reads this, do you know what I'm feeling? Admittedly, I am a worrier but I feel frozen in this state.
-Donna

Yes, Donna. I understand completely as I'm such a worrier, too. I always worried and asked on at least one message board, "What will I do when Alex dies? He's my entire life. How will I handle it when Alex dies?" That began when Alex was only eleven years old and I had thought his life expectancy was only fifteen or twenty years. I later found out that his life span expectancy was 35 to 40 years and known to be as long as 45 years. So, I wrote a poem. I write lots and lots of poems especially when I feel inspired by anything funny, philosophical, beautiful and so on. Anyway, Alex was alive and well when I wrote this poem, chose the images I wished to accompany it and enhanced those images ...

"Living In The Now"
by: AngelCareOne

Some days are bright and some days are black.
Some days we spend and can never get back.

Traveling times past has proven most futile
Even when memories are sometimes so brutal.

I've found that it's best to live in the now.
Yesterday's gone; Tomorrow's a vow.

A vow is a promise that's easily broken.
Too many live for their wish that's unspoken.

To live in the now. That is what all should strive.
Just remember right now you are truly alive!







See? I reallty do understand what you mean. I Wish You Peace!

Many Comforting Hugs to you and your Angel Fur Kid Frasier!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox