Goodbye Harley, saying goodbye Options

[Harley Parley]

IT has been a week since I lost my dog, Harley. He was a Poodle/Terrier SPCA Special, and he brought a ton of joy into our hearts. He had a very tough life when we got him and it showed as he was a timid dog when you first got to know him, but eventually he just cuddle up beside you and beg to be petted.

A week ago he had a cancerous tumour that ruptured and he died of internal bleeding. Totally unexpected and out of the blue. IT has hit me like a ton of bricks. MY Fiancee seems to be handling it way better than I am and I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I'm over reacting, but I just can't see the light at the end of my tunnel. I can get by doing what life wants me to do (work, school, chores) but I feel cynical and jaded.

I know Harley won't come back and I know he is so much happier where he is at the Rainbow Bridge, but why do I feel like crap?

All I know is that I miss him so.

Thank you
Ben

[patricia]

because its always hard when you lose a best friend. im so sorry for your loss. its really difficult. everyone here can attest to that. if it was easy, well, none of us would be here. i lost my little best friend fred four months ago and although it has gotten easier, it feels like my heart has been ripped in two. you are not over reacting, your just very sad. not everyone reacts the same. many of us here have dealt with people not understanding why we take it so hard. and although we explain that these pets are family, no less loved than a mother, daughter, sister...people still expect us to get over it quickly. the reason we are all here is because we are all hurting deeply. we loved them deeply because they are the most loyal family member we can ever have the priviledge of knowing and having. they love us unconditionally. and how do you get over that quickly? the only thing i can tell you is that time heals. that and writing. i too didnt think i would ever get past this. i didnt see the light, just darkness. but everyone here lifted me up. take it one day at a time. be kind to yourself. hold on to your fondest memories with harley and come here as often as you need to.
you are in my thoughts.
patricia

[petmum]

you feel like crap cos you hve lost a very special friend so suddenly & unexpectedly....u just want to scream @ everyone "don't you get it, my best friend has died!!! don't you care!!!! (well i did anyway)....BREATHE OUT.......then in.....let all the emotions come....everyone handle's their losses differently.....tears are very healing....though I'm sure you don't think so right now....we all understand your grief, as patricia said otherwise we wouldn't be here for each other...it's early days for you...be gentle with yourself & come here as often as you can....we so understand your pain.
elaine

[Jay T]

im so sorry ,we know how that feels ,you feel like that beacuse a special being that brang you so much joy and love has passed ,its very hard and your not overreacting at all ,its all normal ,when my jeannie passed i was devastated ,its so hard ,even now after a couple of months the pain still keeps hitting ,try to take each day at a time and know that people here know how this feels , i hope that you start to feel even a bit better as time goes on .take care and be well .

[petmum]

how are you travelling Ben.
thinking of you
elaine

[Norm]

Hi Ben,
That's exactly how I lost my dog Sam just over a month ago; internal bleeding as a result of a tumour. She was gone in hours.
I feel like crap too if that helps - I know it doesn't really but at least you know you're not alone in how you feel.

[Harley Parley]

Thank you folks for all your kind words. I am feeling a lot more at peace this week about the passing of Harley. We brought his ashes home and did a little candle ceremony where we remembered all the great things about our dog and what he meant to us. We also talked about former pets as well as lit a candle for all animals who are abused, lost, or homeless.

I know we will never have another Harley, but we are thinking of getting a new dog in time.

Thank you for all your support and prayers. It has helped me tremendously.

Ben

Attached image(s)

 

[petmum]

truly a beautiful pic of your harley.
I'm glad to hear your are moving thru your loss.
elaine

[lynette]

It does feel like crap. I lost two dogs within 9 months. Lily - suddenly and unexpectedly June of last year and then Hunny this April. Hunny fought cancer for 9 months. She was such a tough dog. Very strong. But we had to let her go. She was on painkillers for the last month and tumours were popping up in other places. I know I had more time with Hunny than you did with your best friend, but the result is still the same. We both lost our kids and best friends. Everyone here has lost their best friends so we can all relate to the pain you're feeling. I have never understood how others can just go on, but I guess each person handles their grief differenlty. Sometimes, I think that maybe if you're the primary care giver you get attached just a little more than the rest of the family. That's how I look at it. I'm not belittling everyone else's attachment to their pets. But in my family, I was the one who usually took them to the vets, the one who fed them every day. The one who worried about them constantly - that' s our job as a parent.

It's four months since Hunny left, and 13 months since Lily had to leave. I have four dogs now. I miss Hunny and Lily every day and at times it still hurts just as much as it did at the beginning. But I think that each and every one of us here has been blessed with the unconditional love of a precious pet. They never wanted anything except love. I hope one day we'll all be together again. But for now, I hope that they are all happy and healthy and having so much fun.

I know Hunny and Lily are together again. And as much as I miss them, I need to believe that they are happy and healthy and running through the meadows at the Rainbow Bridge together. Maybe they've met Harley.

You'll get through this. It sounds like you have a very loving family. This is a great website. I certainly needed it and it has helped me through some of the very difficult times.

I'm not good at this, but some people here know just what to say. They have such beautiful words to write to help you through this.

[lynette]

Oh yeah - he was a very handsome fellow. You must have been so proud of him.

[patricia]

what a beautiful little boy harley was. and im so glad to hear about the candle ceremony. i think that is just wonderful and healing. im also glad to hear that you will one day open your heart and doors to a new little one. they can never replace what weve lost but they sure do help us heal…and laugh again.
harley is looking after you now and smiling down from heaven.

patricia

[Harley Parley]

Once again thank you everyone for your stories. Lynette, I was so touched about your stories about Lily and Hunny. And no, you have every right to grieve at your own pace. I have been fortunate that no one has pushed me or said I should get over it, and for that I am grateful. As well as very grateful for this forum. It has been a blessing to me.

Peace & Love
Ben

[Harley Parley]

Dear Harley,

These last two days Daddy has missed you a lot. Not sure why. Maybe its because once again Daddy feels overwhelmed with life and really wishes he could take his Harley Parley for a morning walk to clear the cobwebs and have some fun again. I drive around and I see all sorts of people walking all sorts of dogs. I know why they do it to. Not for the exercise, not for the sunshine, or even the ice cream wagon.

They do it because they love to walk their best friend and spend some time with them.

I love you my boy.
Ben

[trevor]

Ben, I'm sorry about Harley. Its an awful thing to have to deal with. I lost my dog Keesha 5 weeks ago. The first week was the worst week of my life....I couldn't eat or sleep. I didn't want to be around anyone....I was just in a trance...in shock. Its gotten a little better since but I don't think the pain will ever totally go away. You just miss them so much.

You said your fiancee is handling it much better than you....i'm in the same boat. My wife was very upset at first and still misses her a lot but is handling it much better than me and seems to be moving on. I think that might be because I had Keesha before we even got together so even though she was a family dog she was more my dog. Was Harley more your dog?

You're certainly not over-reacting. Everyone grieves differently and it will take a lot of time as i've learned. Its been 5 weeks for me and it seems like it just happened. The pain will subside little by little and there will be good and bad days...just don't rush the process. Take care.

[honey's dad]

Ben, Harley is a handsome looking guy, his eyes are so full of life and love , some days are better than others, but i know there's times during the day that are very sad because the routine is not there. thank you for your kind words and remember the joy he brought you in so many ways. Scott

[patricia]

it was so hard to read your letter to harley. it was so touching.
i know how hard this is ben. take it one day at a time. time heals and we are always here for you.
you are in my prayers.
patricia

[petmum]

Beautiful letter to you Harley Parley.
thx for sharing.

[Harley Parley]

Thank you for your kind words everyone, and my hope and prayer for each and every one of you is that you find comfort from the loss of your pet. They really are like a member of the family and I'm not too ashamed to say it to people I know, even when they think I'm crazy. Even in our human frailty and sometimes incompetence, we are given the chance to love a pet unconditionally and give them all we have. I think pets show us that we have a deep capacity to love and nuture another creature. That is something that not every creature has the capacity to do.

Our pets are a reflection of the love we are capable of giving and receiving. For all of you Beatles fans out there you remember the famous words, "and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make!" The more you give, the more you get.

Those are my thoughts for today. I'm stuck in a stifling library right now and wishing I was out for a walk with my dog.

Peace & Love
Ben

[petmum]

Oh Ben again beautiful words, thank you for sharing them, I didn't realise how much I needed to hear them today.
I hope by now you are out of your stifling library & breathing easy.
Peace & Love right back @ ya
elaine

[patricia]

so true ben, so true. we need to be reminded of that. thank you!!! i also believe that in being able to love a pet so unconditionally we become better overall : more loving, more tolerant, more patient, kinder and so much more to our fellow human being. this is what our wonderful 4-legged creatures teach us.

thank you for the wonderful words.
patricia