I Lost My Baby Sasha 6 Weeks Ago This Thursday Options

[SashaBear]

I've been visiting this site since Feb 4th the day I found out my 16 year old Siberian Husky Sasha had liver cancer. I haven't been able to bring myself to post until today. She lost her eyesight 3 years ago but still did great. We took her to the vet after a week of having accidents in the house which was very unlike her. The news was bad. At least we had a month to say goodbye. My husband and I work from home so we got to spend every last minute with her. We moved downstairs to the hideabed because she had to go out every couple of hours or so. She had a hard time getting up but walked ok once she was on her feet. My husband bought a back brace and popped ibuprofen like crazy but carried all 85 pounds of her outside at least 10 to 12 times a day. In the freezing cold, in the rain in the middle of the night it didn't matter, he never complained once, he adored her. I brought Sasha home when she was 6 weeks old. She was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen, she looked up at me with her big blue eyes and I was wrapped around her paw forever. I always said she wasn't my dog I was her human. We were inseperable, always together. She could sense when I was sad or upset and would come lay her head on my lap and nudge me with her nose like its going to be ok you have me. When I was sick she wouldn't leave my side.
I wanted her to go in her sleep. I prayed I wouldn't have to make that decision. But she was too tough she fought so hard to stay with us because she knew we would be lost without her. That day came and we knew it was time. We laid in bed with her from 7am until 4pm watching the clock knowing we were spending our last hours with her. We snuggled her and told her we loved her a million times. I felt like I was dying. We don't have kids she was our child. Horrific is the only word I can think of that even comes close to describing what we had to do. She was so scared, all I could think of was her last thought on earth was that I took her to the bad place that she hated. Does she know I did this out of love? Please let her know that. I couldn't stand the thought of her suffering anymore. Does she know how much I love her and miss her? We held her until the end. It replays in my mind constantly like a movie. The vet saying "she's gone". The pain physically hurts.The house is so empty and quiet. I can barely function. Nothing matters, I feel like a zombie. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and my husband isn't there. We have her doggie bed next to ours on the floor. I find him laying there next to it crying. I don't know what I did to deserve her but I thank God everyday for our time together. An Angel like her comes around once in a lifetime if you are lucky. The years of joy and happiness she brought us is worth this pain. We will see her again someday I know she is waiting for us, our bond will never be broken.