Lost And Empty With My Boy Options

[rottimum]

My dear sweet boy;

I took your food down the the ASPCA; they were very happy for it! I guess they saw the sorrow in my eyes and asked me if I needed to talk, so I told them a bit about you and since I took that huge box of new raw hides down to them , they asked me if I wanted to give them out with one of the workers there, and I said I would like to try! Well I gave all those sweet faces one, crying all the way thur, a few gave me kisses which made me cry even more over missing you! I dont see how their mommies or/and daddies could do that to them, or how they couldnt/didnt want the love, friendship,and compassion of their dog! It did me in, I cried all the way home and then laid on the couch and cried even more!

And yet I remember when the day I yelled at you and I am sorry, but it really was MY bath water, that was why I was laying the tub of water. But then I am sorry for yelling at you, cuz I didnt close the door all the way, and you always did lay in the bathroom while I showered. As I sit here now and think of that day, I was so sore, from digging up the garden, and pulling weeds, and then rough housing with you, all I could think about was laying in hot water! And You my sweet boy wanted to be with me, and thought it was YOUR bath water! I try everyday to think of all the good times we had together, and all the times you made me laugh, or smile, and it brings me to tears! Now who will go up grammies with me to watch dancing with the stars with her, and get up and try to dance with grammy when she says "you and I are going on that show"!!

I wish I video taped everyminute I had with you! So I could watch them over and over again! Having only memories right now seems so unfair! It is really hard going on with out YOU! It really hurts so badly I cant even put the pain into words.

I miss you and love you very much! You are forever MY SWEETPEA!!!!!!!! Luv, Mommy xoxoxoxo

[rottimum]

Hello My sweet man;

This is really hard being home all day with out you here with me! The job market sucks around here! I so could use some of your puppy love; as it always made me feel better!
I cant believe its 11 days with out you in my life, and I still feel like I am sinking faster and faster. It just dont seem to be getting any easier! And worse yet, tomorrow is Grammy Stella's birthday, and this is the first one you wont be going to at the nursing home to see her, and grammy said not to tell her as she isnt doing to good! So I will have to lie and not cry in the process. All the girls will be asking where you are; cuz you are such a constant fixture with me, they wont know what to think! This is so very hard!
Sweetie if I dont find a job soon, I dont think I will ever come to terms with losing you, as I have all day to sit and think about you-and I DO!

I love you and Miss you; Mommie xoxoxoxoxoxo

[LoveThem]

11 days.....it honestly can't get easier within that short of a time. But eventually, with more time, it does become bearable. When it is so recent...it is harder to believe they are not just in the next room..but in time that thought does not really occur anymore.

Yes, I see what you are talking about when visiting the nursing home. As to the part of the girls asking about your boy, I don't know if it would help you but I know when I start talking is when I break down. I think for the staff, I would just print a little note that briefly explains that Jasper is now an Angel and I am trying not to talk about it because I will start crying. That way, they will understand and maybe just a hug would feel good.

As far as telling your granny....do what you feel like doing at the time...and if it is to ask Jasper to help you be strong in not telling her..do that. It does sound like a hard situation. But I guess if you think of it as not upsetting her if she is not well...that thought may give you strength to think of a reason Jasper is not there (although you might want to think of different ones before you go and which one you are most comfortable with). I would probably take a small tranquilizer if I had to not be upset at a time when I feel I am upset all the time...that would calm me down. But then you may feel it is okay to tell her and cry together...you don't have to describe it to her...just that something came up and it was his time so you had to let him go in peace.

Or, none of the above. I don't know if any of this helps but I know what it is like to fight oneself inside about trying to be calm while inside feeling torn apart.

I wish you peace and healing and a Hug to you and Jasper. Hope everything turns out okay.
Judy

[rottimum]

Good Morning My Sweet Boy;

I am finally starting to sleep a bit- at least getting in a few hours. Last night I laid on the couch and my sweets I swear you were here!! I was woke up by being kissed, maybe only a dream, however it felt so real, I got up and looked for you! But no you!

Am thinking about moving in with grammy; I know she could use the help, and well with no job, and not hearing yet if I can collect, I dont know how long I can go on like this! I wish you were here so we could for a walk in the woods again. It is really so hard without you, I have no reason to make myself do anything.

Our friend, Shelly, got a puppy and sent me pictures of her, she is a sweetie, but find it too painful to read her emails and look at the pictures. I wished her luck with her puppy and told her I would write more later. So be my good boy and watch over her new puppy--ok my love!

Your "baby"-Sassy; finally started to come to me again. But she keeps looking for you and your bowl! She isnt herself, I know she misses you too. Am worried about her, as I am having a hard time get her to eat, I may actually have to go out and buy dog food again, as she is so used to sharing your bowl of breakfast in the morning, she wont eat her wet stuff. I would put it in your bowl, but then I sit and cry even more! I dont know what to do!

What I would give to have your little face by again. Nothing seems right with out you! I miss you so very much that it hurts! To have just one person in my lie understand that would be great.

I love you and miss you more and more everyday! Love, hugs and kisses, Mommie xoxoxoxoxoxo

[rottimum]

Morning MY Sweet Man;

WOW was last night hard! Everyone asked where you were, even though I handed them a note ; Grammy Vivian tried to get to them all before me, but you know there is always that one person who has to ask you 50 zillion questions. I had to go sit in my truck and cry so Grammy Stella wouldnt see it!

First words out of Grammy Stella's mouth when she saw me "where is your mutt"! I lied and told you were sick, and I had to take you to vet and you got a shot; and were laying around sleeping! She was sad not to see you! It was so strange to have birthday cake and not have you there to have a piece! Your favorite icing-whipped cream!

When I got home I just sat here and cried and cried till I cried myself to sleep! Sweetie I miss you! And I am not sure if doing this is helping me or hurting me! I know I have noone to talk to, but I am having all I can do to not write to you 100 x's a day, last night when I got home I even forgot you werent with me, and I opened the back on the truck waiting for you to jump out-and NOTHING! I couldnt even make it in the house without crying!

I love you and miss you more and more every day! You took my heart with you that sunday!
All My Love Hugs and Kisses, till we meet again; Luv you, Mommie xoxoxoxo

[rottimum]

My Dearest Jasper;

Mommie is in the process of making some really hard decisions, and I so could use your guidance right now! As my life seems to be falling apart at a rapid rate! I dont think I could hit any lower than where I am right now! I so need you by me so I could take you for a walk and we could talk, like we always used to! Bless your heart you would want to run, and I would start talking to you, and you would slow your pace down to keep up with me and listen! I really miss that right now! As I so need it! And I have noone I could talk to! No one would tell me I am right or wrong! Maybe I got to use to you always being there for me, and listening when I needed someone, and always acting like you cared! Sweetie, I so need your little face right now! I am an emotional mess. But I guess if you are watching over me you already know that!

There is a lady on the board here that may have found her parrot, honey watch over her parrot and help her find him. And pray that it is him and she will be with him again! How I wish you were lost and I could find you! But I know I wont find you till we meet in heaven at the rainbow bridge!
I so look forward to that and want that I wish it would be right now! Oh what I would give to be with you right now so I could lay with you and play with you, and do what ever you may be doing up there in heaven! I so hope you are with my dad and my grandpa, and they are spoiling you, like you could get any more spoiled then I made you!

Nothing is the same without you, I cook and its no good, cuz eI have no one to share my supper with, I have your plate and I long to put food on it, and just watch you, eat it and then come over to me like I forgot about you and supper! You sure did think you were pulling something over on me but I knew! And I didnt care! Please come and visit me in my dreams when I am lucky enough to sleep!

I love you my SweetPea, my honey pot, and take notice I didnt call you the word you didnt like! Even though you will ALways be all of those cute words I used to call you, and oh how I so miss the looks you used to give me when I did it!

I miss you Baby Man; all my Love, Hugs and Kisses, Mommie xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

[LoveThem]

Write to your boy as much as you want to...that's what this is all about...feeling free to do what seems to help at the time.

Sounds like from your other post that Sassy is grieving too. Looks like some hugs are in order here. This time in the beginning is really the hardest to work through. When we come here, we realize that we are really not alone...that so many have gone through exactly the same pain, the same everything. We realize we are in a group, shoulder to shoulder, and we feel alike. Each one of us has lost one or more very special babies and all we can think about sometimes is just how unfair life is to our babies and to us.

But then we have others we take care of, who depend on us also. Sometimes, we have times where we are alone and have lost our only best friend. All of this causes the most devastating pain but we know they are worth this pain. We would not trade one minute of time with them...to avoid going through this pain. Sometimes we have to stop and take a breath and realize how many days we were together with our special one when all was OKAY. We are so grateful for that time.
We never want it to stop but we are not in charge of that. At least, we were allowed to have them when we did.

Peace and healing takes time.....it will become more bearable but even then we are allowed to slip back into grieving and crying if we feel that again...and it does seem to arrive again..but not as often as in the beginning. I guess because we just exhaust ourselves so much...it is hard to keep doing that.

We will love them and miss them forever but they are also forever a part of our heart and can never leave us again. They are too much a part of us.

Your boy hears you cause Angels are always listening.
Give Sassy a hug and a kiss...she doesn't know what is going on...but she feels the emotions of grief.

Judy

[rottimum]

Dearest Jasper;
I am trying to write at night instead of the early morning! Tomorrow will be a crappy day 2 weeks that you are gone! The pain still feels like it just happened! I know for all the very kind people on here that leave me messages that it takes time and the sorrow is natural but I would rather have you! They are wonderful people and I truly think you would love them and lick them to death! And you know what I think everyone of them would welcome it!
You know today I sat and thought about everything you used to do, and I laughed and cried, and I even started talking to Sassy to help her, she so misses her "mommie" ! I dont know how I will ever be able to plant flowers or our veggie garden with out your help! After all who is going to go in back of me and pull each plant up after I plant it and then give me that "I didnt do it" look! Even Grammie was saying to me on the phone I can plant flowers off the steps but it wouldn't be the same cuz noone is gonna pull them right back up! I know it was a game for you, cuz after a few times you would actually let them stay in there! But I will miss that, and maybe this year I wont do gardens, and then maybe I will and get a stone with your name on it and put that in both gardens.
You were the world to me, and I so miss you, and long to have you back pain free of course! I know also that I am asking alot, so I truly hope you are having fun up there running around pain free and jumping and all those great things your loved to do! Find me treasures little man so when I do come and join you you can show me all of them! I hope you have a special place up there to "hide" your treasures, like you did at home.
I also found today while going thur your pictures to start a baby book of you, for me, a picture of you sleeping upside down in grammie's bath tub! I remember the day it was taken, you were in the house with her, cuz it was so hot outside, and I was cutting her grass, and she came out side crazy yelling you must of gotten out cuz she cant find you! I knew that couldnt of happened, as I was outside, so I was searching in the house for you, thinking you got your little butt stuck under her bed again, and yeppers grammie found you sound asleep in the bath tub!!! You were an amazing puppy, that grew into an amazing man!
I miss you so much and I hope you feel the love I have for you still even though we arent together!
Keep smiling Little man! I love you! I miss you! Always and Forver, Mommie xoxoxoxoxoxo

[rottimum]

My Dearest Jasper;

It has been two long weeks since I last held you, felt your kiss, had you "slap" me with your little paw! 2 weeks since I laid on the floor of the er vet and held you as you took your last breathe! The pain and sorrow is at times so hard to bear, that it actually takes my breathe away! I have nothing that keeps me busy as to try and heal, our years together were cut way to short; however know this, I would NOT trade them for anyone in the world; as YOU were the world to me! And you always will be! Please know that I was only kidding when I would make you lay there and watch all those Richard Gere movies over and over and tell you if he showed up on our door step and he was afraid of you you were gone! As I would never ever choose anyone over you, who else in the world would be so happy to see me when I got home! I miss eating popcorn with you! I dont even make it anymore! Actually nothing tastes right now.

I sit and wonder if I did the right thing, of course you had no use of your back legs, but should I have brought you home and carried you to potty and to your food bowl, and searched for oh heck i dont what I would search for, but some miracle-I guess! Deep in my heart I know you are no longer in pain, I am just greedy, and want you with me! I am tired of people telling me to snap out it, or it was only a dog! You WERE so much more to me then anyone will ever understand! And you WERENT just a dog, you were my best friend--nope you are STILL my best friend!

Just know that I love you and miss you very very much! Love you; Mommie xoxoxoxoxoxo

[ann]

Wishing you sweet Jasper dreams..Goodnight..Ann

[rottimum]

Hello My Love;
You have a new Angel to watch over, his name is Fred--a kitty so that is right up your alley! Please dont wash the fur off him, remember he is NOT Sassy; so he may have his own grooming habits!

Today my dear I tried something new, not sure if I can actually do this or not, however I am gonna volunteer at the local SPCA. However on the walk thur someone had dropped off over the weekend, a Rotti, oh was he crying, missing his mommie and daddy. I did lean down to pet him and gave him a kiss from you. Of course it made me feel bad;I so dont understand how people can do that. As you have listened to many times after us watching tv and hearing some of the horror stories!

I miss you so much little man, and if this is a good choice for me to do I really need you to let me know, somehow someway. Sitting in the hosue isnt helping me, and neither is being unemployed. So I figured split my time job hunt in the moring and in the afternoon volunteer. But it was way to sson for me to see a little rotti, who was maybe all of 6 or 7 months old.

Hmm. after two weeks of coming here I just now realized I really screwed up the heading for my posting about you and to you! They must think I am a tart! I miss having you slap me while I am trying to type on the computer, and I really spend little time on it anymore. As I have noone that wants me to hurry so I can roll around on the floor with them.

Jasper, Sassy found where I put your food bowl and has taken to sleeping in it. I dont have the heart to pack it in a box, since she seems quite happy and has finally started eatting better for mesince she found that! So I moved into the bedroom for her. I dont think you would mind, since you would let her eat your supper and breakfast with you anyway.

I do so long to have my face washed by you and to have you try to get as much of the couch as you can with out me totally being on the floor! I miss you!!!!!!! I will not say its getting earier cuz its not, not a second goes by that you arent in my thoughts and tears dont come to my eyes! I so pray you still feel all the love I have for you and I always will have for you. I just pray that one dday it is more bearable for me to go on with out you!

You sleep well tonight my love, and keep your new angel close by as Fred may be a bit scared without his mommie.

I love and Miss you! Always and Forever; Mommie xoxoxooxoxooxo

[ann]

Hi Rottimum, Just wanted to comment on your decision to voulenteer. A few months after losing Arthur, I did deciced to go to my local shelter to see if I could get into a program with them. First, I went there once a week to hang out with ther kitties; just to see if I could handle it emotionally. It was challenging, but when the sign up meeting arrived, I jumped right in. I've been doing it 3mo now. They have so many people who vouleenter that I can only do it 1 day a week for 1hr. Needless to say I always over extend my stay. It still has it's challenges, you feel bad when certain ones get passed up, and you just want to take them all home. But you can't. All you can do is release some of the love you have with you pet towards the shelter ones. It makes me feel good to do this.. In some ways I feel like I'm giving them hope that there is a place for them outside of the shelter. Even though all they know is getting scratched behind the ears for a few minutes.
Once you get into it, you'll really enjoy it. It by no means doesn't make me miss my Arthur, infact it makes me miss him even more. But just knowing your time will be very appreciated. Let me know how you make out.. Best of Luck..Ann

[rottimum]

Dearest Jasper,

Sorry I didnt write to you last night, please dont think its because I forgot about you, or I dont care! I miss you so much it hurts. What these kind people here dont know is about Richard, the human man in my llife-the one you would tolerate and I guess now I know he would tolerate you! See last night he came over, and I was laying on the couch crying holding your picture, and he said to me, Oh get over it; move on, you care more about that damn dog then you do me! And you know what he was right! Even though he hurt my feelings by NOT being understanding and caring over the last few weeks, how he would change the subject when ever I tried to talk about you or my feelings! So after more harsh words from him last night, I gave him back his ring, and told him to have a good life and I hope he finds that person that makes him happy, and dont have pets! I guess I couldnt believe that even after the hell his kids have put me through, that he couldnt be there for me, when I needed him! So last night I just held your picture and talked to you as if my sweet baby was still here with me, and didnt come online to write to you! Oh how I could of really used you here with me last ngiht!

My love I dont know how much more I can take, Sassy is sick, and on meds, which also caused more added stress, having to go to the vet, and have Doc ask me about his buddy; and I told him about you, and as I was crying. He said he will do everything he can for Sassy, and he thinks it has to do with her losing you, that she made herself sick, cuz all tests came back clear-Thank God-I cant lose another piece of my life. He wanted to keep her over night, but saw the look on my face, and said ok she can go home with you, but I want her back here at 8 a.m. sharp tomorrow. I went and bought dog food, the kind you and her always shared in the morning, and gave her some of that, but nope she wont touch it. SweetPea I guess she misses you as much as I do.

Since she lays in your bowl to sleep I have taken to sleeping on the floor by her while she is in it! We miss you baby boy. I so hope you are well, and pain free, and you can run and play NOW! Again please remember your manners, always sit nice and offer that paw when you meet someone new, and then kiss them! And remember not all people like their noses rubbed. And you be a good boy and watch over all new Angels that come up there with you, and make them feel at home.

I cant wait to be with you again! I miss you so very much, and it is so so very hard to go on with out you.

Love, Hugs and Kisses-plus a big nose rub, Mommie xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[patricia]

dear jaspers mom
my heart just breaks for you. i truly am so sorry for your loss (es). i just finished reading your posts and i find myself in a puddle of tears for you. jasper was not just a dog, he was your best friend, your companion and your family. ive been thru this a number of times and its never easy. it hurts so bad. its a pain like no other. im feeling it right now with the loss of my fred. i felt if i could have absorbed his diabetes i would have taken it on myself. if i could have given him a kidney i would have. if time heals (which it does) dont you wish it could be next year already? i wish i could take your pain away. all i can say is feel what you're feeling and let what everyone else thinks roll off your back, talk to your jasper and dont worry what other people say. i know i talk to fred everyday. i listen to his song every minute of every day and i cry a lot. we have a special relationship that no one else can share. we understand each others language. we loved each other like no one else can. you are SPECIAL and dont you forget it. you will heal. you will never forget but there will come a day when the sun will shine a little brighter. i know it doesnt seem like it right now but it will i promise. im sure jasper has wrapped his little paw around my little fred and riley. and i know that jasper is ok now and he can run after my little ones. and they love the winds as they gently blow and they all pick a little spot where the sun shines britest , where they can rest. theyre ok now. no more illness, no more pain just happiness. and we will be joined with them soon.
my prayers are with you.
freds momma, patricia

[rottimum]

Morning All;

Yesterday I had to take Sassy back to the vet at 8a.m. well he kept her-he has her on iv, they found nothing in all the tests they ran, and he really does seem to think she is depressed over the closeness she had with Jasper.
I am so worried I am going to lose another one that I am sick. Bad enough I am trying myhardest to deal with the loss of my beloved Jasper, and if I lose "his" baby, I just dont know what I will do.
I just wanted to let you all know and I thank all of you for your kind and very comforting words. I dont know how I would of gttenby these last 3 weeks without all of you and this wonderful board.

Jasper; please talk to your baby and tell her to stay with me. Its not her time to leave me-please baby do that for mommie. I love you and miss you my sweet handsome man. I will write more later.

Thanks you again; Lisa

[toonie]

Dear Lisa what a difficult time it is for you, I send you my most sincere hopes that Jasper's love and courage and and all things positive will surround you and help you go through this. Bless you and may you be protected and surrounded by angels at this most difficult time in your life. It is very likely that your Sassy is suffering the effects of deep mourning for your Jasper. This is what happened to my cat he had a severe crash about 10 days after his brother died. Before then, he fooled us all and would act totally normal, we thought it strange that he was not more affected because he had been with this brother for thirteen years. I think that just like for people he was in denial. But when it hit home to my beautiful Yukon that his little Felix would not be back to share his life, he took it worse than I could have ever imagined possible, for him, losing his brother was just as devastating as my own biggest ever emotional loss was for Yukon. But how do you get Sassy to ease out of this grief when you are receiving such hard punches yourself? How does one pick another up when one is so so down herself ? My dear I don't know, I can only wish you superhuman courage, courage that failed me. Can you take Sassy in your arms and rock her very often to soothe yourselves somewhat? It is so very hard what you have to go through, I hope for you that many others here will have good advice, you hang in there and hope, pray if you believe. Jasper's love is still with you, wrap yourself in it, believe in a benevolent universe, things will work out, remember it's always darkest before the dawn.
Take care and may you find the strength that you need to carry you through. I hope that Sassy will soon be back home to take care of you like you take care of her.

[goliath]

Yesterday I had to take Sassy back to the vet at 8a.m. well he kept her-he has her on iv, they found nothing in all the tests they ran, and he really does seem to think she is depressed over the closeness she had with Jasper.
I am so worried I am going to lose another one that I am sick.

Hi Lisa,

First, please accept my deeptest condolences on the recent passing of your beloved Jasper. Losing one that is loved so much causes the deepest of hurts like no other. That deep guttural razor sharp pain that comes along after seems absolutely unbearable and we can often find ourselves wondering if this flood of emotions will ever subside. This long journey you have begun is a very long road. Please know we all walk with you and you are not alone.

It is natural and common when another furry companion becomes depressed after the death of one they too were close with. Provided the vet hasn't found anything physically wrong with Sassy, in time she will come around. Just like your surroundings are entirely different, hers are too. Being forced into living each day in a way neither of you are accustomed to takes time.

When my Goliath died in my arms so suddenly, I was left completely immobilized. My world was turned upside down and I felt paralyzed. Little by little I spiraled into such a deep hole of depression I nearly lost hope that I could ever find my way back out. Quite honestly, at that point I really didn't care whether I did or not. My other dog, Gidget, fell into a depression right along with me. She began isolating herself much of the time and ate very little. This followed with peeing in the house and soon after she developed a nervous twitch. Throughout the day and night Gidget would make rounds of the house looking for Goliath everywhere and she would come and get me to open the closet doors so she could look there too. It broke my heart over and over again because I knew what was bothering her and I couldn't do anything but mourn right along with her. It took time, but slowly but surely she and I began to heal together. Luckily I was on a medical leave from work, so she and I were able to be together 24/7 for 10 weeks. After about two months her symptoms of mourning began to lessen and a month or so later she stopped peeing in the house. Six months subsequent to Goliath's death we adopted another puppy that Gidget fell in love with instantly, and we did too. Today she is very happy and content.

Shower all the extra love and attention you can possibly muster up on Sassy. Trust that she will come around given time and so will you. This journey of healing you both are walking is anything but easy. I wish there were a way around it, but you can only work through it taking each day one at a time.

It was here at LS I found inspiration, hope, and a renewed will to live. Physical wounds are easy to fix while a broken heart is not. As you walk this long road you will pick up the pieces of your broken heart along the way. Jasper's body may have perished but his loving spirit is alive and well and walks right along with you and Sassy.

Hugs of comfort and love from my heart to yours,
Beth

[rottimum]

Dearest Japser;

Hello my love! It has been 3 weeks since you crossed the rainbow bridge, without me, and I miss you more now the ever. Did you find your baby? As you see my love, I also lost Sassy! Guess she just didnt want to stay here with out you, Doc did everything he can, and still she gave up. I am devasted; two of my beloved pets in 3 weeks. I miss you both so much, but I hope and pray now that she is with her mommie again she is at peace and happy. Tell her how much I miss her, and love her.

It is now truly very lonely here and empty. I just dont want to go on with you two!

Sweet man this is just too hard right now; I miss you and love you both! Be well my loves, and wait for me.

Love you both Mommie xoxoxoxo

[goliath]

How tragic for you to have lost two furry kids in such a short amount of time. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. You haven't even had a chance to come to terms with the deep anguish and pain after losing Jasper before having compounded that with Sassy's departure. All I can say through tears myself is that I am feeling with you. This is far too sad for me to even know how to begin to soothe you and help ease your pain.

Hugs with comfort and love,
Beth

[rottimum]

Dearest Jasper and Sassy;

I miss you both so very much I just dont know how to deal with the pain or the loss, it is so darn empty here with out you both. Life seems so unfair that I had to lose you both! I cant help but ask WHY! I truly have nothing now. I feel I have lost it all!

Sassy I hope you are happy being with your "mommie" now, and you sorrow over losing Jasper, is now easy for you to bear now that you are with him again. Jasper please our girl safe, and stop washing her--now is the time she can do it for herself. How I miss that; watching you wash her, and her making no effort to even try to wash herself, cuz her "mommie" would do it.

Yet again I have to go and pick up ashes; this is just so darn hard. I miss you guys so very much! Pleaselook for me when I come over. ANd remember how much I love you both, I just dont think I will ever be able to sleep in bed again. Watchover each other. My god the pain is so intense, I feel like every part of me is going to explode.
I love you both very much, and miss you both more then you will ever know. Love hugs and kisses, Mommie xoxoxoxoxo
I just cant do this, its way to hard.