Lost And Empty With My Boy Options

[rottimum]

I had to have my best friend put dwon on sunday night, Jasper was a rottweiler, and so not like what everyone thinks when they hear that breed, I had him for only a short time 3 years would be 4 tomorrow as it is his birthday, and I guess that makes it even harder. The only places I would go with out him was to work and the doctors. We were always together! And now I am always alone. I am not dealing with any of this well I cry constantly, I hurt all over, cant sleep cant eat. And my family dont understand. They told me I babied him too much, well I guess I did, but he was mine all mine and I could do that.Even as I sit here and try to explain to anyone or noone how I feel and try to tell anyone how great he was, I just cant, its way to painful for me. You can not imagine how it felt to come home on sunday and find that my boy was NOT at the door to greet me, to give me a kiss and then rub nnoses like I taught him to-granted not many strangers wanted to kiss and rub noses with a rottie. I was horrified to see he couldnt move his back end; as I was only gone 8 hours; I carried him to my truck and laid him in the back seat-no easy task for a female with a male rottie going 145lbs. But I did, and to have the er vet tell me after the longest 2 hours of my life, that he blew out both knees in his rear legs, and that even with surgery they cant promise he would fully use them ever again, and then asked me if I lived in a ranch style home, nope an older two story home with steps in and out. They said he would never make using the steps with both legs having to get done, since he blew them both out, knowing he couldnt get around as he was I had to make a decision, and now I am sorry I didnt just carry him back home and I could of carried him to potty everyday. After all he did for me, I was in a bad place when I bought him with the hopes of having something to keep my mind busy, WOW did he, he turned alot of things around for me. He loved the snow and the summer to be in his pool, as I would garden or cut grass or just lay on the sidewalk as I sat on the swing! He gave me so much and yet I feel like I let him down. I was with him while he was put down, I laid on the floor right next to him, like we would when we were at home, and I held him and I cried and cried. And if that was not bad enough to try to deal with all that sunday night, I called off work the next day cuz i knew there was no way I could deal with plus I was to pick up his ashes, well while I was gone for his ashes my job called me, stupid me in my emotional mess I didnt lie when I called off work, and yes I stupidly told the truth, and yep they fired me! I was not a person to call of work, as I had a rottie who loved to eat and loved his treats; so I guess oh heck I dont know what I am trying to explain I am just so lost that i am pretty sure non of this makes any sense at all. I am sorry for taking anyone's time up!
However thank you for the space to try and explain how I feel and what I am going through!

Jasper's mom

[LoveThem]

Unfortunately, it all does make sense...that the sad part in addition to the sadness and pain you are going through.

It helps to come here anytime and vent...you need to do that. Getting fired on top of everything else...you have really been put through the wringer.

No, you didn't baby your boy too much. You two have a special bond and love that is yours alone.
One has to have experienced that bond and that loss to understand how you feel. And believe me, everything you are feeling is normal.

And you are not alone in your pain. You will be getting many replies here because we all understand your hurt and your pain.

Keep writing here in your topic about how you are feeling, how you are doing, any questions you might have about anything that has happened.

Writing is a wonderful way of venting. This is the worst time of all because the loss and the pain of it all is so overwhelmingly devastating. We cry, we vent. What you have to do is whatever makes you feel better at the time to do.

Believe me, there is nothing but understanding here of everything you said. You are in the right place and will be helped by the different things each of us who reply think to say. You can reply back right here and we come back and check to see how you are doing. You are never alone when you come here.

You will get peace and healing but right now it is pain and hurt and crying and venting that will exhaust you and let you sleep.

We know all too well that empty feeling of walking in the door to silence. The hurt is so bad it is difficult to describe.

Write some more here until you are exhausted writing. Concentrating on that may help to fill some of the time.

Hugs to you. We feel your pain and it is truly tremendous. Because the love between you and Jasper is so wonderful and strong......it creates a connection that no power can break. In time, we replace the sadness with the good memories and that helps the healing. He is always with you even now, because he is a part of your heart and his soul is connected to yours and so he is still with you, his love and essence surrounds you and as an Angel, he is watching over you and if you want to write to him here....he is listening to every word you say.

Take care. I will be back.
Judy

[rottimum]

Happy Birthday in Heaven Jasper! I love you more then you will ever know! And miss you even more!

I am sure today is going to be hard for me and already I dont know what to do with myself.

Judy--THANK YOU! Your words last night I needed; I needed someone to understand, even if I sounded stupid. I really cant handle this pain. But I want to thank you for your kind and caring words to me. You did help.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Jasper's Mom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Jasper. Oh, I do know how special Rottie's can be from friends of mine who had one. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the cir%%stances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. The grief healing journey that follows a loss is very painful for awhile both physically and emotionally, so it is important that you do what is comforting for you to help you through the deep sorrow moments. It sounds to me like your employer needs some education about the benefits of companion animals and the now recognized professional clinical understanding that the loss of a beloved companion is as painful as the loss of a human family member or friend - - if not more so. The grief stages are identical. The most important thing for you to understand is that you did the very best for Jasper in his hour of need. With both legs affected there were other medical complications that would have set in, and you know Jasper would not have wanted his life to be so severely diminished. I do know how painful making this final decision is but it is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to us - - to let them go home to the angels with their dignity still intact. Hopefully in time you will come to understand that Jasper's sweet living Spirit is still with in all that you do and everywhere you go. Jasper's mom, please know you are among friends here who do understand how you're feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my toughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[LoveThem]

Just checking in on you....and sending Birthday Wishes to Jasper too!

I am sure today is going to be hard for me and already I dont know what to do with myself.

If you are by your computer you can always just come here and tell us about your day..writing can help pass the time until we think of something else to do that may make us feel better.

Whether it is a note to Jasper and/or just a post updating how you are doing...this is the place where that has a lot of meaning...we understand and we are with you. The best we can do here is send you a cyber-HUG...consider it sent.

Take care and show us a picture of your boy if you feel up to it. Your time with him was unfairly too short...kind of makes one feel they have been "robbed" twice.

I learn to accept these awful situations by telling myself that fate or whatever has a time set when our best friend has to leave us and when that time comes, short or long, we can't prevent it. We won't be able to cure them from an illness, we won't be able to prevent an accident if that is what happens...it is something that will be totally out of our control so all we can do is be grateful for the time we were allowed to be together (and boy, I am typing this through tears myself).

Hugs,...and I'll be back.
Judy

[rottimum]

I laid around all day and cried, holding his picture and his ashes with the hopes that sleep would over come me, for even a hour. It seems no matter how much I cry I cant sleep! I am tired of my family telling me to put it behind me there is nothing I can do but move on. I forgot to cancel the mini birthday cake I ordered, as he so loved people cake, and I told them I would be over for it! Instead I paid for it, and told them to give it to someone with kids! That took me all over 30 minutes--saw no use in having it here, for fear I would throw it against the wall!

I still have to bring myself this week to call his regular vet and let them know what happened. So not looking forward to that! Can someone please tell me if it is NORMAL to wish you were dead also?? Should I be worried for feeling like this? I have nothing in my life to take my mind off him, to even try to move to move on! I really just want to hold his little face once more, and get a kiss from him, and kiss him back! I want to hear him snore,as he lays on his back hogging the couch! I miss my boy so much I cant stand the pain and emptiness. I really would love for this to all be a really bad dream, and that I am gonna wake up at any time!

Jasper; Mommy loves you and misses you very much. Be well my beloved friend, and be happy. And I cant wait to be with you again! I found your bone in the couch that you hide under the cushions. Thank You! Hugs and Kisses My Little Man on your birthday!

p.s. as soon as I can get myself together enough I will put a picture of him--I promise!

[LoveThem]

As far as thoughts, when we are grieving our mind can get full of many thoughts. The pain of missing them is so great, it seems hard to stand it. When you are by yourself and especially don't have the circle of people you need as an outlet..it makes it worse. That's why this circle is here.
Here is where there is understanding.

I'm sorry about the birthday cake. How could you know? It's like being in shock, wondering whether you are coming or going. I read what your family said. But we know you can't put it behind you and move on until you feel you are ready to do that. No one can tell you it is time.
There are no time limits on grief. It has to run its course.

As far as calling your regular vet...sometimes it is hard to talk when one is in such pain. You might think of sending him a note in the mail with a brief explanation and maybe saying when you are feeling better you will call him and talk to him about what happened. Maybe in time he can explain to you what he thinks happened and let you know just how right your decision was. Remember, just because we make the right decision doesn't mean we have to feel okay about it.

It was all a shock especially cause it was so fast. There is no easy way to lessen the pain of such a loss. We all still have that pain inside...only time and sometimes distractions makes it bearable. Eventually the good memories overcome the sad ones. It is hard to get passed just wanting them back (we will always want them back) but in time we accept what we have is being glad they were a part of our lives and always wish it were longer.

It is also very hard when one feels truly alone in the home. You have to cry and vent until you are exhausted from doing so...that's how it starts with me. Then one day I realize that none of that made me feel better. Having my boy is what would make me feel better. But that is impossible so I wound up doing the next best thing for me....I went to the no kill SPCA shelter here and went to adoption shows until I made a connection with one who reminds me of my boy. It is always in the eyes for me. I looked into a pair of eyes and wanted to keep looking into them every day and so I brought one home. He is not my boy. We can never replace and what we do is never try to replace them. We start slowly making new memories with one who has love to give, and needs a home, and our heart and home needed that unconditional love and a personality that needs attention...that was my distraction that helped me. I could not stand the silence of the empty house.

Years ago, when I was by myself, I had to put down my boxer/shepherd, age 3, due to epileptic fits. Fortunately, a short time before that, I saw an ad in the paper for shepherd puppies right around the corner from me and went to look at them. Well, I brought one home. My other girl enjoyed the puppy and vice versa. When her fits started coming closer together and I knew I was going to have to make the decision.....I went alone with her....and I came driving home alone...crying the whole time...and there was this little puppy all eager for attention who needed to be fed and taken care of..and we wound up taking care of each other. She was my salvation.
She licked away my tears and I could hug her and cry and it helped me.

We all find our own way eventually of dealing with this situation. We have to do what feels right to us to do....what we think will make us feel better about a situation we cannot undo. The baby we lost always wanted us to be happy....that's what their unconditional love is all about.

I still have the dog collars and dishes from years ago and would never part with them. They belonged to some very special best friends and they will always have a meaning to me.

I know as one leaves me, I need to find another and sometimes I wonder if that is the Plan of life for if the first one never left, I would never have known the others. All I know is every one I have I know will get the best care I can give, will never be abused or starve, or suffer from an illness if there is help available.

Two sayings I have read in posts here have a special meaning for me and I know they touch others too...maybe they will help you.

1. The pain of losing him will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing him.

2. I have sent you on a journey to a land free from pain, not because I did not love you but because I loved you too much to force you to stay.

We know when we make the decision, it is the right decision for them. We just are never prepared for the pain the loss brings.

Try to focus on the good memories and remember you have saved your boy from a lot of suffering. You gave him peace when he needed it. I now can look at a picture of my boy and look in his eyes and tell him I am sorry I couldn't help him anymore but I know I gave him peace from suffering. I didn't want to let him go but I kept telling the vet I didn't want him to suffer and there was no cure....I could not prolong what he had to go through to give me a little more time with him...peace was the only gift I could give to return the love I had from him.

I did call my vet later on and talked about what happened. She told me she was not allowed to say so at the time but she was very glad I decided to let him go. She would have done that had he been hers. She was the one who saw his condition in the emergency. It was so sudden that he couldn't breathe yet he dragged himself to us so we could see him and help him. But like your boy...it was too late to give them any quality of life back.

Well, I'm crying and I've probably made you cry more but hopefully, reading this long post has helped you in some way.

Again, keep coming back and writing. The tremendous loss and grief you feel is NORMAL.
There is no instant cure. It is something we have to work on ourselves...one day at a time; sometimes one hour at a time.

I am so very sorry. I have been there in that pain and I know it just hurts so badly you think it will never stop but I guess exhaustion helps lessen it in time. Don't let anyone make you feel you have to rush to move on. That just doesn't happen with a loss such as this. You are entitled to grieve. If others don't understand....don't talk to them about it because you will just feel more frustrated. Come here if you want to talk.

I know it is devastating and I wish I really had the magic words to make you feel better.
Just know you are not alone. And most importantly, your grief is completely understood here.
It is a pain we all know and share and try our best to deal with each day.

Hugs and peace,
Judy

[ann]

I am so sorry for your loss. I cried along with you. I know exactly what your going thru. A lot of us have been there. Time will help. Right now, it's so new, that the shock, guilt and empitness, is over powering. I'm sorry you lost your job. I can't imagine how missing one day for this reason could get you fired. Jasper was your child. To me pet/child not much difference. We take care of them, love them, protect them, feed them. This is what many don't understand. I've been in the same place as you. Crying uncontrolably, longing for that last touch. I still do. I still cry, some days not as bad as others. It takes time, a lot of time. We have to move on and change our whole routine. That's been the hardest for me. The first few months I spent a lot of time organizing my Arthur's photos, doing anything I could think of to preserve his memory. Like you, I cried, didn't sleep, didn't eat, and nothing seemed worth really living for. I pretty much died that day. Many years ago I suffered the loss of a pet that, when I think back now, was far worst than this one,(don't get me wrong this one was pretty bad), but I lived thru it and moved on and I know I will recover from this. We never fully let go, we don't have to. They will be with us forever. You and Jasper were lucky to have had eachother in this life, even for the short time it was. LS has helped me so much. Just knowing there is a place to come to and be understood is priceless right now. I hope it will bring you comfort too. You are not alone.. Hugs.. Ann

[rottimum]

My Dearest Jasper;
Today is one week, and I thought yesterday was hard being your birthday! Wow! Was I wrong! Of course your human brother and sister arent much help lately, blaming me, saying I should of done more, etc. Where were they when I had to take you alone!! There are not enough words to tell you how I feel; or how much I miss you, and long to have you give me your all chewed and wet rawhide! Or to have you laying next to me in bed snoring up a storm. I miss going for walks with you, Oh I have tried to walk that way again without you, but sat on the ground and cried,and needed my best friend! I dont know if I can do it, as you were always with me, but today I may just try to go up my mom's--your grandma's to gather up your toys and such from there! I must admit I am very scared she threw the stuff away and I just dont know how I will handle that.

Oh my sweet pea--I hope you know how much joy and peace you brought to my llife-how you from the day I brought you home helped me get out of that dark place I was so deeply into! Thank You for your friendship, your love, your understanding, your compasion,and most of all for being in mylife!

How I long to hold your face again! Every where I look I see you or remember you! I remember when you were a baby and would not sleep thur night, every morning at 2 a.m. for a month you would sit and cry, and I would come down stairs and lay in your kennel with you till you went back to sleep; till I gave up and would just scoop you up and bring you upstairs with me so I could sleep also so I could go to work. Yes I spoiled you, and I so dont regret it for one second. I would do it again if I had just one more chance with you.

My handsome boy I hope you are at peace and no longer in pain, and that grandpa sonny and grandpa george are not spoiling you to much. I really hope and pray that it is not as hard on you being away from me, as it is for me, please know I love you and cant wait to see you again. You have truly let paw prints on my heart and soul. I guess I never really thought I would grow so fand of a cold wet nose-my little man! I miss asking you to smile, and you sitting down and smiling at me!

Jasper I really hope this starts to get easier to deal with; cuz I fear I am headed right back to that place I was at before I got you!

Be well my love, I will talk more later, Mommy xoxo

[Jules02]

Rottimum

I so know your pain. You replied on my post so you know I too lost my Roman suddenly. It has been 2 and half weeks since he passed. I have my good days and of course the bad days. I miss him so much and I like you see him everywhere. You will get lots of support in this place. I honestly do not know what I would do without the wonderful people here. You will find some comfort from them. I know I have. We are all in this together. If you need anything just send me a message. You and Jasper will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[rottimum]

My Dearest Jasper;

I truly felt your presence with today as I walked into grandma's house. Thank You! She had all your toys laid on your bed with your blankie; and I just laid on it with your photo and ashes and cried, and actually I slept for the first time in a week for about 2 hours.

Couldnt bring myself to do much of anything else, but lay on your bed, oh how it smells like you! Grandma wants to keep your stuff there for awhile, so I let her. Even though it was hard to not take it with me. I took us for a ride by your birth parents house with the hopes that they would be outside, but nope they werent. I so wanted to stop and knock on their door to see if they were having babies again, but I decided not to, as I dont think I will ever find a another friend like I had in you! Maybe I just cant bring myself to fall in love with another for the fear of losing again! My heart cant go through this again! I had you and you were wonderful, every place I took you I had people tell me you are so not like other rottis. There was not a mean bone in you-you had nothing but love to give and wanted nothing but love in return. I have as of now decided to go on the rest of my journey with out another best buddy.

It still hurts to breathe, and the crying is still constant, and as I look at the hour it is nearing the time I was rushing you to the er vets; how we didnt get a speeding ticket that day is beyond me! I miss having you with me, while I run to get gas, or money out of the atm; even for milk, cuz I reach for those slimjims at the store only to remember you are not with me and I cry! Your handsome nose prints on every window in my suv; your "car" blankie still is in my truck. With that treasure you found on our last walk, I cant part with that stick-as you have a chew marks in it!

Be good in heaven Jasper, and dont forget your manners-shake hands, give kiss and rub noses. I cant wait to be with you again, and listen to you snore! Oh how I wish I taped that!

I Love You with all of my being my wonderful best friend; Mommy hugs and kisses

P.S. To all the wonderful people who have left me kind words, I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart! Your words have helped me and I will be around for a long time with you all! God Bless You All!!!!!!!

[rottimum]

Here is a picture of my Jasper Born 2/28/05 Died 2/22/09 We are at Grammy's house, and I said to him sit and smile, and he dropped right were he was. He so loved the camera--a big ham!

Attached image(s)

 

[ann]

What a super happy face! Your memories will last you a lifetime. I can why he is so loved..Big Hug..Ann

[Jon730]

I had to have my best friend put dwon on sunday night, Jasper was a rottweiler, and so not like what everyone thinks when they hear that breed,

My sister-in-law had a Rottie. The three little girls grew up with him. He was a gentle, loving teddy bear who let them ride him like a horse when they were little. But there was NO possibility of him ever letting harm come to them. If a stranger entered the yard and so much as looked at the girls, he forgot he was a teddy bear, and gave them a LOOK that made them suddenly remember urgent business elsewhere. He never had to do more them that. He was a loving uncle who spoiled the girls and would not hurt a fly, but still remembered that he had a job to do.

And if that was not bad enough to try to deal with all that sunday night, I called off work the next day cuz i knew there was no way I could deal with plus I was to pick up his ashes, well while I was gone for his ashes my job called me, stupid me in my emotional mess I didnt lie when I called off work, and yes I stupidly told the truth, and yep they fired me!

We all understand, here.

When Matilda was dying, my wife called me at work, and asked me to make a "wooden box" at lunch in the company's shop..

One person thought it was funny. Things were never the same between us, ever again. The loss of an animal friend teaches us more about people than we ever wanted to know, but I think it reveals deeper things about them, and helps us to decide WHO we want in our lives.
As to the place, though jobs are scarce at present, you are well rid of them.

If it were me, I would discuss the act of terminating a person in a major depressive episode with an attorney.
That kind of company deserves no mercy- No more than they showed you. Clean them out.

[myhrtisbrkn]

I had a neighbor some years ago who worked with Rottie rescue. He had a big male who had been removed from a "home" where he had been chained in the backyard...largely over a bed of fire-ants. he had no fur, and not much flesh on the lower half of his body. And yet he was loving and gentle, and though a little bit shy, just one of the most adorable kids I've ever known. I could very easily murder the unmentionable "thing" who had done that to him.

I so sorry for your loss...your Jasper was a magnificent boy.



Love and prayers,
Dayna

[rottimum]

I can't Thank You all enough for your wonderful words, and your kindness. I personally cant see how anyone can hurt on purpose any animal. I wish punishment for them was more strict, as in an eye for eye--what they do let be done to them!

Am sitting here watching it snow, as I live in the NorthEast-Penna-to be exact, and my boy would be going in out all day long; pretending he had to potty to go and run around in the snow. And then when I got home from work he would act like he hasnt been outside in it at all and give me the saddest look saying I know it snowed outside, can we play! And big sucker that I was would put everything else on hold, and go play with my little man!

I have not felt this horrilbe since I lost my dad back on 2/13/00; seems all the crappy things happen to me in feb--starting to really hate that month! I have now lost 3 very important people in my life in that month! Yeah I have always considered my doggie a person; call me crazy. I just really wish the intense pain would ease up a bit, so it didnt hurt to breathe. I wish my boy would come over right now and slap me with that huge paw to play or go outside, as he always did when I would be online! My cat wont even come near me, I know she keeps looking for him, cuz at night she lets out these horrible cries, I know she misses him as he was her "mommy" see we walking in the woods, and found a box and it was making cries, so my boy went right up to and used his paw to open it, here was this little kitten throw away to die, and Jasper grabbed her in his mouth and brought her to me and dropped it on the ground-as to say can I keep it! I scooped her up, and went home to clean her up, and I ran to get her food, and made calls to my vet about her, who told me to bring her right down. Jasper would wash her and she would crawl all over him, often sleeping on his side or on top of his head. He never hurt her, only showed her love. I remember thinking to myself, if he was a female he would of been a great mommy! That little thing back then would make the big rotti back away from his food dish so she could see what he was eatting. Often getting into the bowl as he was eatting, licking his face. What I would give to see those two together again!

I truly miss my boy;and often find myself walking around the house talking to him. I am tired of my sister telling me its a part of life, yeah I know that, sure dont make it any easier. Its a shame my family cant or dont want to understand how I am feeling or why I am so depressed. And maybe if they did I would not feel so alone. I dont know, I just miss him and want him back! I need a big wet kiss, and have him sit on my lap--cuz he so didnt know he was a big dog, he thought he was a lap dog! I miss the numb feeling he would give my legs!

Well I thank you all for reading and kind words. I may sound like a fool to some who read, and I dont really care; Noone really understands the point I was at before I bought my dog, and how he pulled me out of a place, that I really pray noone ever gets to; or has anyone they are close to go to that place, its not a good place to be. And I am truly struggling with not going back into to that place;but it is getting harder and harder to not!
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

[LoveThem]

I adored your kitten story about that baby and Jasper.

Your loss is so very recent (2/22) that it is really normal for everything to be a "struggle" right now. This kind of loss is too painful to really even describe. But we all feel it so we know how it feels.

We all take everything one day at a time...baby steps. These best friends become so much a part of our lives...they fit in so well....we are lost without them. Again, normal feelings. Your boy became a part of your life at a time he was really needed and I know we are always grateful our babies found us, or we found them, and they became a part of our lives and our hearts in such a way that forms the strongest bond of love and a connection that no power can break.

The pain is missing them so very much and wanting them back so badly..with them healthy.
We do have reminders everywhere but in time the reminders can tell us to remember they were a large part of a healthy happy life with us and we are glad of that.

I can't imagine not giving a home to my Little Guy because I know there will come a time he has to leave and I can only pray it is a very long way in the future. I know that pain from before, from losing others and yet they are worth it. Every one was so full of love and personality that was theirs alone and each one I wanted to stay forever...but we are not in charge of that. And so, I know I cannot have an empty home and eventually I find a new one (never replacing the one I lost) with whom I can start a different set of happy and healthy memories. I know each one I have will always have the best I can give them and will never be abused as so many homeless are. It is these positive thoughts that help me when I am overwhelmed by sadness from my recent loss.

We will always miss them because we will always love them and that's why we must expect the pain to appear until enough time has passed that we are able to have bearable pain instead of overwhelming pain.

But when it is a recent loss.....it is definitely devastating and overwhelming....and all we can do is cry, vent, and try to do whatever helps us through it...because our sweethearts never ever wanted to see us sad and as Angels...they are still watching us and listening to us...and sometimes when we look into their eyes in a picture they posed for....we may feel that connection again from the love we see there.

I wish you peace and healing. Write again and again and let your thoughts and feelings out.
We have been exactly where you are now and it is a place none of us will ever forget..it is impossible to forget completely. You are not alone in how you feel as we all share the same feelings and pain and we never forget our special ones.....never.

Judy

[rottimum]

My Sweet Boy;

The pain and sorrow is still so hard to bare, it seems I cant find anything to do that dont make me think more and more of you! But today I will push myself to hit the pavement and try to find another job, as I do have bills and need to try to somehow move on in baby steps. And its hard to even think of doing anything. I have been slowly gathering up all the pictures I ever took of you, and going to finally put together that photo album I have been wanting to do for years, but never got around too. At least then all your wonderful pictures will be together for me! I also found the box I had all your old collars in, from the day I brought you home, and I looked at all those different sizes till your last one-your necklace as I called it. My how you grew into a big strong boy! I so miss you! I so love you!

I so hope and pray you have pain no more; and you can run freely and are having yourself a good time, and being the good doggie you were taught to be. I hope you are having endless slim jims, and tons of your chicken strips.

I have also looked online for a new urn for your ashes, and I have found the one I want; as I love the one you are in, I dont think its a proper one for my buddy-who deserves the best I can get. And I think the one I found even you would approve of. To just make the decision if I want the one of you laying down or standing up! Decisions I truly thought I had a long time in making.

My buddy, my dearest, sweetest friend I hope you can still feel the love in my heart and know you are constanlty in my thoughts and prayers and tht you dohear me talking to you all day long!

I love and miss you terribly;
Mommy xoxoxoxo

[Flossie's Mom]

Dear Jasper's Mom,

You have been dealt a double whammie with the loss of Jasper and then the un-caring employer pouring salt in the wound. I can sort of relate to that situation myself.

My Grandmother lived with us the last 12 years of her life. She lived to be 100...... She wanted to be taken back to Montana & be buried next to her Mother so when her time was up, I made arrangements to do that for her. I needed more than the 3 days to do that but had plenty of vacation days to cover a couple of extra days. Now mind you I came in every single day of her final days in the hospital, used my lunch hour to visit & before work and after work to spend with her. Even came in to do what REALLY needed doing the morning after she passed before going to the funeral home to make final arrangements.... worked all day the next day and till time to leave for the airport. My return flight took me all night with long layovers & the co-worker who picked me up told me she was told to bring me straight to work even though I told them I would return the next day as I had to be up all night. I didn't let her take me there & when I returned to work I was promptly called in and "repremanded" for being gone so long. I lost complete respect for my boss as he was so cold. It was only my Grandmother. I immediately began looking for another job. There is a TV anchor on CBS that I CANNOT watch to this day (26 years later) because he looks exactly like that man!

I think we are so attached to these special ones in our lives because they are NOTHING like that man or your previous employer.

They love us unconditionally, are grateful for anything at all that we do for them, are ALWAYS happy to see us and ask very little of us.

One of the sweetest dogs I met was a big old baby of a Rottie named Bear. His master died in December and his wife took him to the hospital during his final days for a visit. They have 3 dogs (2 Rotties & a German Shepherd) and he asked for Bear to visit when given his choice. He jumped in the car a couple of times when Ray left for work & would not get out.... those days he was going to work too!. Ray took turns with the dogs going along sometimes so Bear decided he was going.

Some of the big dogs have been labeled mean or vicious which is so unfair. Pits have a bad reputation also & I have known the sweetest pits. I don't have the space for a big dog to get the exersize they need but have had big dogs in the past.

I wish you good thoughts and memories of Jasper and good luck in your job search. Better days are ahead even though there will be some rough ones too.

Ginger

[rottimum]

Well Little man; I am home I went job hunting, only to be told sorry we arent hiring now, but will let you put in an application in!

I took a ride also past your birth parents house, and they were outside!!! I actually gathered up the courage to knock on the door, and was welcomed with open arms! Told them about you, and what happened, and they cried along with me, however your mommy is is ill and will be joining you soon; so no more babies for her! Actually they told me you and borthers and sisters were her last litter! Welcome her when she comes home! And give her a big kiss for me as my way of saying thank you for such a wonderful son!

I came home defeated and usually when I feel this way you would drag your blankie to me, and lay down on the couch with me, since I dont have you I dont know what to do to make me feel ok. I have all your dog food and canned food here that I have been trying to decide what to do with it; I think I am gonna donate it to the local ASPCA in your name! I think you would like that, just dont know how easy it will be for me to walk in there!

I need to see your smile right now, so I can feel ok! I miss those kisses, and my god I miss cleaning your ears, and then having to lay down so you can "check" my ears! The silly games we used to play! I did find a special container for your toothbrush! And I was most happy with myself over that.

Jasper our time together was way to short! But I have been THANKING GOD for putting you in my life! The joy and happiness you gave me. I just dont think I will ever be able to make peanut butter cookies again, who is gonna taste the done ones to make sure they are OK!

YOU are my shinning star! The very best thing that ever happened to me, I am grateful to you for your love, compassion when I needed it, your wonderful listening skills; even though you wanted to play tug of war, and most of all for YOU being the most WONDERFUL YOU that YOU can be!!

I miss you, I love you; Always and Forever, Mommy xoxoxoxoxo