Goodbye Rosie Goodbye Family Options

[Zita'sMom]

I feel that I've been followed by a black cloud for sometime. If anyone here has followed my story, I've lost 3 young cats the last 3 years (one murdered), and a dog, had some near death health issues, financial crises with the building of a new house (my H and I's "dream home") and just one thing after another.

Rosie is my husband's 17 year old border collie and she has been failing for some time. H has made an appointment to euthanize Monday morning. She has lost bladder and bowel control, she falls and can't get up and we've found her laying in her own diarrhea a few times. She had some quality of life when she went on walks on our property but she fell down on the hill the other day and got stuck - when I found her she was quite distressed. We've found her fallen down the steps as well. She just shivers now on the walks and I know she has no quality of life.

If that were not painful enough, during my first ever counselling session with H on Tuesday, H announced to me that he was splitting. He and my stepdaughter found a place the next day and they are moving stuff now. This comes as a total shock. I knew when I grieved Ziggy he was not able to handle that. What I realize is that he married me 2 years after his wife of 23 years died, and he had not dealt with the grief. I know it sounds like a soap opera, honestly I don't believe my life over the last 3 years since I met him.

To me this says that we must truly and honestly face our grief and not bury it. Otherwise we live on the "surface". If we disconnect to our feelings we can do a lot of damage to ourselves and others (H had told me of marrying me that he was "never so sure of anything his whole life").

You cannot run away from grief. It will follow you. Trust me I have learned this the very hard way.

Anyway, please do think of Rosie Monday morning and send your healing thoughts for a gentle and loving transition. I will not be there for the euthanasia because she was H's dog, and given the current situation it would just make the whole thing worse.

I do not know how to survive all this except just to breathe and live only in this moment. I do have good friends but I am still in shock.

Jan.