So Sad!, Loss of my friend Options

[Victoria]

Goose has been dianosed with a 3 degree AV heart block. He has been out of breath for three years. If he rests he can recover right away. But as he ages it seems to get worst. What he needs is a pacemaker which at his age really will not help as he has other health problems ie.. renal failure + others. And of course I have a new vet. I talked it over with her and she has never seen a dog with this type of heart condition. My old vet said at this point just love him and wait till its time. I believe the time is comming. I all ready know there is nothing that can be done. If he get o2 that would help till he went home then he would be right back in the same state. The hard part is my husband can't come right now (its 13 hours away) plus we can't leave our business. He wants me to wait till the 11th when he can come I think Goose is struggleing to much. If he lays down all the time hes fine. What kind of life is that for him? I'm not sure what I should do????? I need some insight.

[Victoria]

The fainting happens because his heart stops beating for about 30 sec than it starts again. His heart rate is anywhere from 32 bpm to 46 bpm its all over the place. I knew this was going to be hard....

[LoveThem]

When I read if Goose rests, he is okay...I got excited...THEN I read everything.

I am so sorry Victoria. I am glad to hear if he rests he feels somewhat better. It is not the answer but it is comforting to know he can feel somewhat better.

One Mom here recently said she asked her vet about making the decision. She said his response was "Call me when he is not having fun anymore"..something to that effect.

Since I have had to make this decision by myself more than once...years ago I too asked a vet the same question. The response I got was: When the quality of life isn't there anymore.

To that I add in my mind...and there is no cure. It will never go away. Chances are it will get worse. I add everything that I feel gives me the strength to make that decision.

Only you know Goose well. Your husband asks to wait about 14 days. I'm sorry he cannot be there now to see Goose. Does Goose eat normally and does he lay down to eat? What about his going to the bathroom..is that an effort? You said you feel he is struggling too much. Is what is happening now much worse than how his last few weeks have been? Talk it over with your husband and describe to him what he is not here to see...I am sure he wants to say goodbye to Goose very much but I am also sure he loves this baby very much and might be able to help you decide whether the struggling may sound to him to be too much to wait that long. Or, take it day by day with the idea the decision may have to be before 14 days..it all depends on Goose and what his heart can take. And..what you see happening.

Look into your baby's eyes and see if you feel he is saying anything. Then look into your heart and let your love for this sweetheart help you find the answer you are looking for.

There is no harm in talking to the vet again, asking an opinion...asking what is meant by
"wait until it is time". What to look for so there is no suffering...whatever he can tell you.

Talk to your husband and tell him how you are feeling and what you are thinking....

Hugs, Victoria.....believe me I have been there and there is nothing harder than going through this time and I, too, have gone through it by myself. It is never any easier.

Just hug Goose and give him a bunch of kisses and let him feel your love surrounding him as you know his love is surrounding you always.

I hope I have helped you. The words are too hard at a time like this but if anything helps..I am glad I was here to respond.

Judy

[Victoria]

Thank you Judy
I talked to my husband just a min ago he said much the same as you. I have such compassion for our dear animal it hurts me so. Goose just loves life if he could talk I think he would say " Don't be sad mommy I don't see the future like you do. I'm good just getting my dinner and waiting for my daddy." Sorry I'm crying.........................................

[Victoria]

I forget sometimes dogs live in the moment. We as humans think about all that could happen (with much emotion). Dogs just live there daily life. Thats why when they get cancer they just wag there tail. He is holding on so I quess that says alot! He ate dinner fine and has not had any problems going to the bathroom. He just breaths hard and faints then get back up and wags his tail. I guess I will just wait and hope he makes it till his daddy comes home. I put the phone up to his ear and he listens to his daddy talk and wags his tail. I guess this is good enough for today.

[LoveThem]

I'm glad you just talked to your husband. And I think your last post about living in the moment is so true. Good to hear he is eating fine and is okay as far as the bathroom...no hardship there.
That was so sweet about putting the phone up so his daddy could talk to him.

Yes, they do wag those tails...it is just second nature to them. No matter what.

I think your last sentence sums it up beautifully.....

you said: I guess this is good enough for today.


Hugs to you all again....special hug for that tail-wagging boy. Special kisses too!

Judy

[Victoria]

Well this wonderful time with Goose is drawing to a close. He is still hanging on I think he is wating for his daddy to return on the 11th. This dog loves life. We can learn alot from him. What ever good there is thats his focus. Pray that Goose will last till then. He is not in pain but I'm sure he get dizzy. I don't know if this can be discribed as suffering?? I am starting to prepare my heart for whats comming. I so glad his later part of his life lasted so long. I very sorry that my J-Dog went so fast. I need your prayer to get through this!!!!

[LoveThem]

Your have our prayers, Victoria, and so does Goose.

I do hope he can be there when your husband comes home..9 more days now.

If only dizziness....we know how we feel when we get dizzy..it is not painful...but for humans it is scary cause we wonder why...thank goodness our babies don't examine things like we human do.

Give Goose lots of hugs and kisses (which I am sure you are doing anyway). You will never forget these moments. They will never be duplicated and that is what will make them priceless to remember.

Hugs and prayers, Victoria...for you and especially for that brave baby, Goose.

[Victoria]

Thanks Judy
This will be number two in our wonderful trio. We knew these days would come. I feel very empty right now and I know its going to get worst. I love my guys so much and really hate having to go through this. But would never trade the time I had with them. My husband is able to come a day sooner. I can't wait till he get here. I find it very hard being alone at this time.

[LoveThem]

Victoria...when you said: But would never trade the time I had with them. My husband is able to come a day sooner. I can't wait till he get here. I find it very hard being alone at this time.


I just felt every word of your reply down deep. Never trading the time.....those thoughts are what will get us through things when these babies are with us but we know the time is getting shorter no matter what we do. I am so glad to hear your husband
can come a day sooner...Everything helps at a time like this. I am also glad you and he and Goose will be together. You are doing wonderfully for being alone right now. I know it is a hard thing to do but I think Goose is getting through this waiting right now..because of you. I think your love and hugs and kisses..all that caring that he feels just gives him strength each day.
It is times like this that I wish I could give you a big, tight hug that lets you know I am crying right now with you and I
understand all the feelings going through you....they are no stranger to me.

Please keep posting...at least that passes some of the time...and let us know how Goose is doing and the date your
husband will arrive so when my calendar shows that date...I will know you and Goose are not alone anymore.

When posting...how is Dinky doing? I'm glad Dinky is there too. I just find another furbaby around does help somewhat.

Take care and keep writing, Victoria...and don't forget to give Goose a special hug and kiss from here in cyberspace

[Victoria]

Goose is slipping away right in front of my eyes. He is very weak and breaths very hard. I know he is waiting for his daddy to come back . When I take him out side he sniffs the air, and when he hears a truck like his daddys he perks up. The other night I was watching him sleep and he was wagging his tail. He even dreams good things. my husband will be here early moring thursday. He will have to come in and lay on the floor with Goose. I hope he can take the excitement. My husband will spend a few days just loving on Goose and then it will be time to let him go. Putting a dog to sleep is so hard. Its like killing them. I look back and know it was right with my dear Jay. And I know it will be right with Goose too. It's time to do it now but I know if he had one last wish it would be to see his daddy. Pray for us and I will let you know how it went......

[LoveThem]

You are all in my prayers..and I am glad your husband will be there soon.

I know it feels as though we are killing them....we have to substitute the thinking that...we are giving them peace.
No more suffering of any kind. At this point in their lives, unfortunately, that is the only way we can give them peace.
Even we humans usually say...when the time comes we have no quality of life, we wish we would just fall asleep
and not wake up. It sounds so peaceful. Life is just not that kind so we have to help these babies when it is time.

Extra hugs for Goose, please, Victoria...and extra kisses on top of his muzzle..just behind the nose..that was always
my favorite place with my dogs.

I am so very sorry it is his time...we want them with us forever...happy and healthy...what a nice dream.
But the time given with them is also a blessing...at least we have that to remember. Then they slip out of
their bodies and into our hearts..to stay there forever.

[Victoria]

Ok my husband has come and now just left this morning. Goose is still with us! He started to recover two days before my husband got here. I know this is going to be hard on me because I will have to deal with it alone. But we could not just put him down for convience sake. This heart problem seems to come and go. The worst lasted two weeks thats why I thought he would not make it till my husband came. I will tell you this emotional rollercoster ride is very hard. You start to grieve and than you rejoice. I'm very glad I have Goose here with me cuz my husband just drove away and that alone is very hard. He will not be gone as long this next time. But that does not help the now. I know this will end one day. Still need lots of prayers!!!!!!!!

[LoveThem]

I'm really glad you still have Goose. Each day is a blessing when we can look into those eyes and see the love there and hug them so they feel our love back.

I'm glad your husband got to be home to spend time with Goose.

I know it is hard if you ever have to do things by yourself. I was there years ago myself. But we have to do what we have to do.

Now it is one day at a time and if Goose is feeling better...that's good for the two of you.

Each day I pray and wish for you another day, then another, then another.

Give Goose a hug and a kiss.

Judy

[Victoria]

Well the time is drawing near. Goose woke up this morning and can hardly walk. Something has gone wrong in his spine. This is hours later and he is still having trouble walking. He fell down while going pee and peed all over himself. I cleaned him off and helped him get into the house. I called my husband and he does not really want to deal with the lost of his dog. I understand all to well. He says just wait. Goose has been known to recover. But I really don't think he is not going to this time.
Spent the morning looking for just the right place to bury him(Under a nice shady pine tree). I started to dig the hole its going to take me sometime to do it. Boy this is hard. As I begin to grieve, my loss comes on me very heavy. Two in one year. A few things have come to my mind while digging. I have never buried a dog before. I have never had dogs live this long before. And I have never grived this hard before. Almost unbearable! These have been truly the best dogs I have ever had. Another thing that has come to mine is something I have not talked about. The day I put J-dog to sleep I could not take his body. In hind sight I wish I would of. Now that I'm going to have Goose buried here i truly want Jay too. But its to late. I am going to bury his favorite toy in remembrence of him. Silly I know but I don't care it helps me.

Another troubling things is this thread.... I would start another one for Goose only but its like I can't let go of this one because of J-dog. These are my raw emotions as true as they can be. I have not put them down on paper but they are here. When I begin to miss my J-dog I come here and read my own post. I have gotten lots of insight into my own heart.

I just want to thank everyone who has gone with me on this journey. It really has helped. I know it not over and really just getting to start over again. These emotion are so strong. I guess the more you love the more you hurt. Will let you know how it goes. Blessings

[Deanna]

Oh Victoria ~ may God be with you during this diffucult time. I can't imagine you going through this alone, with the burial, etc. I lost my fur baby, Zoe, due to a tragic accident of her getting away from me and getting hit by a vehicle. She had only been with me for two years, however, I loved her more than anything or anyone in my life. The pain of losing her has changed who I am today. I believe your comment of the more you love the more you hurt. Our precious pets give us so much joy and unconditional love in our lives...we can't imagine life without them.
I am praying for you and Goose.
Much love and support,
Deanna

[meens]

Hi Victoria,
I have gotten to the point that I am sick of worrying about these insensitive people who get "tired" of hearing about it. I feel sorry for them because they never loved like we did and they were never loved like we were. I would never choose to go through life without that. I just finished reading "Rescuing Sprite" by Mark Levin last night. Well, I was hysterical for most of last night. I lost Duffy almost 3 months ago and reading the book reopened all of the wounds. I spoke to my mother afterward, who is also mourning my Duffy and she said that I have to "understand" that most people will not understand my grief. Well, to them, I say "so what". It's their loss, ultimately, not mine. How sad your life is without the joy of an animal! I am happy that we have these forums to share with people who are like us. Lately I find myself looking at people differently. I have been gravitating away from those who are not animal lovers and who do not understand and making it a point to distinguish between people this way. I guess it's my own personal bias. It's annoying to deal with the less tolerant people. So that's maybe my angry stage of grief. Sorry if I rambled. My point is that we, here, understand the sorrow and that is so helpful.

Hi there

Just wanted to say how much I agree with what you are saying, I have felt very similar emotions to you. How right you are in what you say about those who have not known the love that our pets have given us, and we to them. I can tell people are thinking, its been over two weeks, how come you're not over it yet. Sadly very few people understand, even so called animal lovers. I guess we should be proud to have loved this much, that is why it hurts this much.

This site is really all that has gotten me through, I also find myself distancing myself from those people who don't understand, which is sadly a lot of people. Most people I know in fact.

But thankfully, not here. Thank God for this place, where we can talk, cry, shout and even just be quiet, knowing everyone here understands.

meens ***

[meens]

Well the time is drawing near. Goose woke up this morning and can hardly walk. Something has gone wrong in his spine. This is hours later and he is still having trouble walking. He fell down while going pee and peed all over himself. I cleaned him off and helped him get into the house. I called my husband and he does not really want to deal with the lost of his dog. I understand all to well. He says just wait. Goose has been known to recover. But I really don't think he is not going to this time.
Spent the morning looking for just the right place to bury him(Under a nice shady pine tree). I started to dig the hole its going to take me sometime to do it. Boy this is hard. As I begin to grieve, my loss comes on me very heavy. Two in one year. A few things have come to my mind while digging. I have never buried a dog before. I have never had dogs live this long before. And I have never grived this hard before. Almost unbearable! These have been truly the best dogs I have ever had. Another thing that has come to mine is something I have not talked about. The day I put J-dog to sleep I could not take his body. In hind sight I wish I would of. Now that I'm going to have Goose buried here i truly want Jay too. But its to late. I am going to bury his favorite toy in remembrence of him. Silly I know but I don't care it helps me.

Another troubling things is this thread.... I would start another one for Goose only but its like I can't let go of this one because of J-dog. These are my raw emotions as true as they can be. I have not put them down on paper but they are here. When I begin to miss my J-dog I come here and read my own post. I have gotten lots of insight into my own heart.

I just want to thank everyone who has gone with me on this journey. It really has helped. I know it not over and really just getting to start over again. These emotion are so strong. I guess the more you love the more you hurt. Will let you know how it goes. Blessings

Dear Victoria

I just read your thread from the beginning and I just wanted to say how my heart is aching for you. I am so sorry you are going through this double dose of pain and hurting. I was going to reply to your earlier posts as I am in a similar position in that I had to have my 15 year old chihuahua Marilyn put to sleep on 4 August, I have two other dogs (her sister and a rescue terrier cross). The pain is unbearable and yes the dogs remaining do grieve and find the balance in the house is upset.

But now I read about Goose and I can't imagine the pain you are going through. I look at Marilyn's sister Chi Chi and maybe its my imagination but I think she is not so good since her sister died, she has that look in her eyes that Marilyn had near the end ... I pray its not but then I try and think, OK maybe her sister needs her more than me...

Don't beat yourself up about leaving J-dog at the vet. His spirit is alive and with you always, in time you will see that (I know right now the pain is all consuming).

It hurts, God does it hurt, but think of J-dog and Goose, if Goose does not recover, playing together at Rainbow Bridge. They will have each other and they will be happy and healthy again, and they will always love you both.

I am so, so, sorry for this pain you are going through. It, sadly, is the price we pay for loving so much. I am sobbing reading your posts, you write so beautifully and from the heart. I wish I could find the words to help, but I just wanted to say I am thinking of you.

meens xx

[goliath]

The day I put J-dog to sleep I could not take his body. In hind sight I wish I would of. Now that I'm going to have Goose buried here i truly want Jay too. But its to late. I am going to bury his favorite toy in remembrence of him. Silly I know but I don't care it helps me.

Oh Victoria.............I feel so sad for you and what you are having to face without your hubby. God bless you and Goose for hanging onto each other for so long. It's been touch and go for you both for quite awhile now.

It's not silly at all to bury J-Dog's favorite toy with Goose. Whatever you can do that helps bring you just a little peace is wonderful. This is the most difficult and heartbreaking time for you. I can't even imagine having to deal with two losses of ones so loved in a year.

Please know I am with you and have been all along since you first arrived here at LS and will continue to be. My heart and prayers are with you.

May God comfort your aching heart and bring you the strength you need to cope with all you must confront.

Hugs of love from my heart to yours,
Beth

[LoveThem]

I'm so sorry about Goose. It is hard to do it alone. But I know, you have to do what is best for Goose.

I never could take the bodies of my special ones. My last memory was always they were alive and I guess since I knew their spirit was gone from the physical diseased body.....I don't regret having them cremated and not following it further. I guess by seeing them last alive, when I would come home and be alone...it was easier for a moment to think they were in the next room and still okay. And when I knew they were not in the next room...somehow I could imagine their spirit was in my home.

Digging a grave for Goose and all by yourself.....I am not strong enough to do that. It is hard enough losing them, and harder still to be alone when it happens, even when it is at the vet hospital or the vet comes to the home. I don't know how you are able to do it.

Even without J-dog's body being there too..remember their spirits will be together and with you forever. It is their physical bodies that failed them...never their spirit. Burying a favorite toy is a beautiful gesture. Anything that helps you through all this is more than okay. Nothing is silly.
You are going through one of the most devastating periods of your life, you are dealing with it alone and taking care of it alone and ANYTHING that makes you feel better is definitely the thing to do.

My last shepherd had spinal cord problems and it was heartbreaking. That was when I first asked how to know when to let them go..cause she was not in pain..and the answer from the vet was when there is no more quality of life for them to enjoy. That was so hard to do but I knew she would not get better...there was no cure. Medication had worked for awhile but then it stopped working.

I can understand about continuing this thread for J-dog and for Goose...sounds like a way to always keep them together. What you are going through right now by yourself is so heartbreaking I can't type anymore through my tears. Give Goose a hug and a kiss and tell him J-dog will show him the way.


Judy