Unbelievable Grief, Unbelievable Grief Options

[dietersmom]

Patti and Kathy,
You guys are two of the most kind and loving people. I read your supportive posts to me and so many others and just wanted to let you know how much you have helped me put everthing into perspective and to thank you for being there. I know you both are dealing with this, too, but manage to find a way to look past your grief and help others.
{{{{{{{Patti}}}}}}}}} {{{{{{{Kathy}}}}}}}
Much Love

[deedee]

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't think there is any way to prepare for the grief. Grief is just grief - unmistakable in its pain. In time you will remember Dieter at all of the stages of his life, the life that you shared. At this point, you are remembering the his illness and his pain. That was part of his life, too, but just a small part of it.

As for euthanasia, it is such a tough call. I know the feelings of "too soon?", "too late?", "was it the right thing?" Anyone who loves their pets probably has to make that call at some point. You gave Dieter a good life; you gave Dieter a good death. You could do no more for your special boy!

Please accept my condolences for your loss.

Dee Dee

[KayMarie]

To dietersmom and dad,

I'm very sorry to hear about dieters death. My dog passed a few weeks ago, and I've been going over and over his last days in my head. Was he suffering? Should I have put him down? Was he dying in front of me and I just missed it? There's no easy way to handle pet loss, whether you choose euthansia or the animal simply decides it's their time. You did what you thought was best for Dieter and no one could expect more than that. Everyone on this site is kind and helpful and it's helpful to just come here and talk.

Hope and Love,
KayMarie

[dietersmom]

I've been re-reading all of your supportive posts and thank each of you for opening your old wounds and helping me. I'm having a tough day, well in truth last couple of days. Tomorrow will be two weeks since I held my baby and snuggled with his soft fur. I'm just really heartbroken and can't seem to stay focused on work or much else except the empty hole in my heart. I think I've moved past the questioning about whether it was the right time or not. I've accepted that we did what was best for him. I just am having a hard time with the emptiness. The HUGE hole he has left in our lives.

Everytime I leave the house and come back and no Dieter, the tears just start over again. I had lost pets growing up, but didn't experience this. I've lost close family members and didn't experience this, and I'm ashamed to admit that.

I know our furbabies give us this unconditional love that doesn't compare to anything else. Both my Husband and I have talked about how we are shocked at the grief we feel. We know how much he meant to each of us, but this feeling is just sooo unreal. I've gone back and read many of your jorneys through this, and tried to really wrap my head around the amount of time this is going to take to heal. I admire how so many of you are able to reach out and help others and in time I hope I can do the same.

My little Deet Man, my baby boy how I miss you. Words cannot even express how empty this house is. You were truly the heart of our home.

[Muffins]

Dear Dieter's Mom & Dad:

First, I am SOOOOOOOOO SORRY that I haven't written to you, until now...........

I LOVE LS, everything about this site............. I have been helped sooooooo much, since the passing of our sweet
lil' Ernestine on 2/7/2004..............Or, "Ernie-Bird", as we lovingly called her....

I always want to be there for every broken heart..............NOT BECAUSE I FEEL THAT "I need to", but really because,
"I WANT TO --- from the heart".
I'm a 43 year old "going back to school person", to get into a career that I WILL LOVE...... (ultrasonography)... And,
it REALLY IS TOUGH!!!

But, aside from that, I am terribly sorry that tomorrow is two weeks since your precious, beautiful Dieter has been
gone..........

Your post on 9/12 @ 11:03pm, I KNOW THAT FEELING (your quote),

I just feel like someone has ripped me wide
open with a knife and just keeps turning it round and round..................

Yes, that awful feeling is one of the many horrible feelings that I felt.............. I am sorry that you feel that way, but
please, please believe me.........
That AWFUL, TERRIBLE FEELING, WILL GO AWAY!!!!!
I assure you, my friend.

I absolutely LOVE the story of your darling Dieter "hanging on to the handle of your purse in his mouth"........And, that certainly was, as if to say........
"MOM AND DAD...............YOU'RE NOT LEAVING ANYWHERE WITHOUT ME, YOU KNOW THAT, DON'T YOU?????"

Dearest God, how precious is that??????

In your post from today.....................I am very, very happy that you may have moved beyond that "persistent" euthanasia ?............... ???? Too early????
I know, (without even knowing the both of you personally)..........that you both did the most kind and loving thing that you could do, with your sweet Dieter's VERY, VERY BEST INTERESTS IN YOUR HEARTS!!!!!!

There is no question there!!!

It is just two weeks tomorrow, and it is sooooooooooo very early in your journey...in your "grieving process"....

There are still several tears to shed, I'm afraid.... But, it is a journey, and one that you will come out much stronger
on the other side.....
I know that means absolutely nothing....

You might have read, somewhere in a post here that.................

Early on "in my journey", a very wise person on this site said to me.......................
(Now let me please preface this by saying..........."Nothing....absolutely nothing MADE SENSE TO ME FOR QUITE SOME
TIME...................."
I felt like I was just RAMBLING ON & ON & NOT MAKING SENSE AT ALL)....

But, this person wrote to me...............

"Denise, you took on Ernestine's pain (by having her put to sleep), so that SHE COULD BE WITHOUT PAIN...."

Considering my mind was "MUSH"................that statement was the only thing that could "get through my brain"....

Do you know that you and your husband did the same thing for your "Little Deet Man"....?????????
Well, YOU DID, and please, just know that, IN YOUR HEARTS...........

Your precious Dieter THANKS YOU SOOOOOOO VERY MUCH FOR LETTING HIM GO!!!!

To a place where there is no more pain, no suffering...He is only experiencing "PURE BLISS!!!!" (as Kathy always says)..

I'd like you to know, that "you are helping people (much more than you know), even when you are posting your pain and your sadness"......

There are countless people who are suffering in ways that we know..............but, they don't "YET" feel ready to do any
posting of their own..............
(you can tell that by the # of posts answered, against the # of posts that are "viewed")...

People "do view", and they receive soooooo much help......

So, everything that you write is helping many, many people........ Just so you know that... THANKS!!

It is soooooooooooooo DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE............but, have you and your husband given 'any thought' to adopting a new furbaby???
I was just asking a question...

Some folks are never ready, and some are ready right away...........
It just sounds to me that you loved your sweet Dieter soooooooooo much, that you two have so much love in your hearts............

If ever the "time is right", I KNOW that your special, beloved Dieter would be very happy that you guys opened up your
heart and home to a furbaby who desperately needs a new furkid.....

At two weeks, it is early, and I know that you and your husband are hurting quite a bit..............
I remember "that pain", as if it were yesterday...............

I am very, very sorry that you have to experience it, as well.

God Bless you and your family,

Love, Denise

[ChrissyW]

Dear Dieters Parents,
First, my sympathy, empathy and condolences about your loss of your special child. He was your child and people without these special children do not understand. It takes special children and parents to make the special connection you and your husband have with Dieter. This is hard for me as well, it has be almost 4 months without my child. Coming here does help get your grief out and think of the good things your special Dieter did. He is waiting for you and knows that you would never ever do anything to hurt him and if it would help him he knew you would do it. It is the HARDEST THING in our lives to let someone go that is this special but we do it because we love them more than we love ourselves. We would go through anything and take the pain just so they would not have to. I had to make the same decision you did. I questioned myself and still do. Before my wonderful friend had to go I was constantly washing him because he had the runs and I didn't want him to have sores. The bottle of shampoo I washed him with is still in the same spot it was 4 months ago when I washed him for the last time. I don't have the heart to put it away . . . honestly I don't want to put it away because that is one of the last things I have from him. I come here and check in but leave without writing because it hurts. I know what you mean when you expect Dieter to be there. For you it is hard because he filled the house for me it is easier not to grieve due to the fact my house is grand central station!!! I have two other dogs, two cats, two hampsters and a bizillion fish and four kids (1 is the husband). It is easier to not feel when I have so much to do. But for you it is not so easy but it will get easier. Holding his toys and remembering this wonderful friend and crying is not a crime . . . it is you trying to cope with your loss and feeling as if he was here again. One day you will be reunited. Kathy and Patti are wonderful people and have wonderful advice as well as other people on this site. If you can come here often and read, at least. Writing down how you feel here or in a journal will help you through this tough part of your life. I do like what Kathy said about considering adopting a new friend. Not to replace but maybe to honor that love that Dieter gave you by giving to another that needs and wants it. I did that before my boy left me and she has fit it and sometimes she does things that remind me of my boy!!! But do it when it is right for you. I am sorry this is so long but I am helping me as I try to help you.
ChrissyW

Indiana "Indy" Jones
April 1990-May 2004
My boy will always be remembered in my heart!!

[Saki & Freyj...]

Hi, dieter's Mom,

I am here to tell you that you are not losing your mind, and that you will get through this.

It's been -- 16 months -- since I joined the board. freyja was the first to leave us, our dog of 14 years (and we also have no human kids) on May 28, 2003. She was very sick, and we had to have her put down. I wanted to go with her, I hurt so bad. I couldn't stop thinking "I killed my dog..." I was in a tremendous amount of physical pain, and I did nothing but cry and cry and cry (and post here a lot!)... I hurt so bad, and after a few weeks, our 12 year old cat Saki died (liver cancer0, and I could only cry more, and I was convinced, sometimes, that I really was losing my mind.

I was also convinced that it would never get better.

It takes a really long time to heal. Rule of thumb: expect a month of grief for every year your life was brightened by Dieter... Of course, every one is different and so on. But be easy with yourself and know that you are going to, you have to grieve for awhile.

Oh, and don't feel guilty about the pain seeming more immense with Dieter than with humans. The day after Freyja went, my grandma went. I was close with my grandma. But... I didn't live with her. I didn't get kisses and snuggles from her every day. She had never seen me at my ABSOLUTE worst. She didn't depend on me and I didn't depend on her, the way me and the pets depended on each other...

I was lucky to be off work that summer, and so I just cried for a good solid month or two. I couldn't go out in public bc -- I'd start crying. I know you miss him, your little co-worker, but perhaps you are lucky to have this time at home to really pour your heart out.

Some things that helped: making memorials. I donated money for bricks for a vet hospital at a university. I made photo collages. I made a calendar with photos of them all (We later lost our 15 year old cat, Electra, in December; she was FIV and had renal failure). I took electra's collar and tags, and a locket my husband had given me with Saki (Saki wouldn't wear a collar), and wore those to keep them close to me. I put their stuff (brushes, toys, etc.) in a special box. We buried Frey, but got a marker for her. We had Saki and Electra cremated so they are always nearby. I sobbed through all of these things, of course... it was so hard... But I HAD to do all that crying. One way or another, it was all going to come out.

And I posted a lot, and I read a lot of posts. This helped a lot with the sanity-thing. I think I may have really lost my mind if MD didn't make this wonderful site available...

And I got through it. I still cry when I think of them. Sometimes. But sometimes I laugh, too. Wow. Sometimes I really laugh without it hurting at all, sometimes, just happy memories.

Still, I'll never forget how bad it hurts. And I am sorry for your pain, and for your loss.

Love,
Jennifer

[gingerspal]

Hi Dietersmom and dad!
I too completely understand--a day never goes by that I do not miss Ginger. Today the wind chimes in the back yard chimed a long time...I thought maybe it was him saying hello. He loved to be with me in the back yard..he was alot like a dog in that way..he would sit at my feet while I painted (I am an oil painter). Today I was out there and I painted and I smiled with the wind chimes..I didn't cry and I painted too! If anyone had told me that I would be able to do that without tears I would not have believed it!! Now one other thing however, I DO have one remaining pet..my indoor cat Ruggles--I don't know how I would feel without him! He has been an immense help to me in handling my grief.
So this is an indelicate question and maybe way too soon to inquire---but have you thought down the road of getting another pet?? I have no idea what frame of mind I would be in if I were completely pet-less like you are. Your feelings are still raw so please try not to be offended with my query--I am just curious. Some people are very staunch about handling all their feelings before embarking on anything new.
I hope you are taking some walks and watching some funny movies!! both of those things were good for me!
Love,
Patti