In Memory Of Goldie, so unexpected Options

[DonnaC]

I have been coming to this board the past few day, reading posts and crying along with everyone. I haven't been able to share how I feel, really feel, with most of my friends and family because I worry they won't understand my saddness for the loss of my sweet kitten. I lost Goldie about a week ago very suddenly. It's amazing how quickly our lives can change- I went to bed Tuesday thinking all was fine and woke up the next morning to find Goldie lying by my bed, dead. This is a scene I can't seem to get out of my head- I will never forget the feeling of picking her up and feeling her limp in my arms. I am devastated. Ever since I rescued her from the mean streets of Chicago, she has been my sweet, baby girl. She would meet me at the door most days and if I meowed she would come running.
Goldie (in the avatar) was only 6 years old, so I thought we had many years left together. And now I am left with feelings of guilt and wondering what happened...why?! I was so desperate to know why, I had her sent out for a necropsy, hoping it would make me feel better. I guess I hoped to find out there was absolutely nothing I could have done, that she had some congenital heart condition or something upredictable. Instead I was told she had asthma, possibly pnuemonia or an allergic reaction, but not serious enough that it should have been fatal and the findings were inconclusive as to the cause of death. I never once saw Goldie cough or have difficulty breathing and I just keep thinking what did I miss. She really seemed fine, healthy, always running and playing. I know I need to get passed this, but it's just so hard and I miss her soooo much. My friends keep telling me that I should be grateful she went quickly and didn't suffer, but I guess I'm just selfish. I want her back.
It has really helped being able to come to this forum and see that I'm not alone. I know with time it will get better, at least I hope. Thanks for listening.
I miss and love you dearly, my sweet Goldie.