Missing, Now Gone, letting go of hope Options

[paris]

Hi Kimberly.

I'm going through the same thing as you now. I've been running around posting ads, putting up flyers, etc. for the fear that "if only I'd checked this out". I don't want that nagging feeling either six months from now.

This whole process is difficult because it drags out so long. When do you stop reading the lost/founds? When do you stop looking out the window? Even people whose pets have died go through denial stages, but when your pet is missing the denial stage goes on and on.

Paris.

[Mink&WillowsMom]

OH WOW! I JUST HAD A VISIT FROM TWITCH! First one, I've been waiting! I just heard his familiar "thump" as he jumped down off the counter where I fed him. It sounded just like him, and Willow looked up; he heard it too. Then I thought it might be Luna, but I got up and looked and all three cats were lying down quietly. HA! Brings a smile to my face to know he's around.
Kimberly

[paris]

Oh Kimberly, how encouraging!

[5catsmom]

Hi Kimberly,
Let us know what happens with this. I know with Shadow I often thought I heard things and was heartbroken all over again when I realized it wasn't what I wanted it to be, but maybe you're more attuned to what you're hearing. I do so hope so. Sometimes, reading this thread, I veer between absolute thankfulness, and guilt, but most often the deep, deep appreciation you all always gave me.

I know that sick feeling when you don't know what's happened. Life turns upside down. I would say this, you did wonderful things for your dad, and somewhere, I know it sounds trite, what comes around goes around.

Paris, I went through the exact dilemma you have when I first lost Shadow. How far do I go, when do I stop questioning my self, what would have happened if I'd gone down that street instead of this one? There were so many nights I actually stayed up all night just tormenting myself, and feeling that it was absolutely deserved. In the end, I was looking in the wrong direction, anyway. If you have a shelter nearby, be diligent about going there, they get to know you and who you're looking for.

I pray that both of you find your beloved ones, and that there are happy endings for you. If I had to compare the pain of losing my dear little Magic and my buddy Groucho to death, or my Shadow to the unknown, the unknown is far worse, because the imagination is so much more fertile and painful and hard to accept. The recovery, I can't even talk about without crying, so I won't, but I so want the same for you, and for all the lost ones out there. Be strong, and take care - Barb

[Mink&WillowsMom]

I veer between absolute thankfulness, and guilt,

GUILT??? Oh no, no, don't, please don't go there!

Celebrate, dance, hug your baby, pat her on the head, smile, laugh, sing in relief, know gleeful joy, but please don't feel you owe anybody any guilt!!

Would you think I should feel guilt if Twitchit came home? Heck no! So let that one go, cast it to the wind!

All I ask in return is that you love your baby doubly so.
Kimberly

[paris]

Barb,

Your words of compassion are so important. You know what Kim & I are going through. I don't want to compare to other's pain, but I feel this not knowing is worse than having a pet die. I am in a constant state of suspension, not knowing how to feel . At least if my cat had died (God forbid) I would know how to feel and start to allow my mind to slowly forget. And yes, all sorts of thoughts run through your head.

Different people offer different scenarios, many not very nice. When I called a rescue/shelter operation and told him Bennett was gone over a month, he immediately said "he got killed by a fisher cat". It's funny how some people have this "it's only a cat" mentality.

This is taking a toll on me physically and emotionally. I'll tell you one thing, I absoultely pity those parents who have had a missing child and never found them.

[5catsmom]

Paris,
I remember when this first started, that was an uppermost thought in my mind - that I didn't know how parents whose kids didn't come home made it. As I trudged along handing out leaflets, I thought of all those people at the same time, all over the country, doing the same thing, but with pictures of beautiful children and young men and women on them. I totally understand that, and agree completely. I didn't want to voice it, cause I didn't want to get into that debate so much, but I remember telling my best friend, and she knew that feeling too. That's something I don't know if I could survive.

And Kimberley,
I know guilt is an odd thing to feel right now, but there is a sort of "survivor's guilt" I guess that goes along with this. It's all so jumbled up. I believe it was a true miracle that we got Shadow back at all, and every day I look at her and stroke her (no hugs, she's still too skinny)I do have all those wonderful feelings. But I know you all are in pain, and I so wish I could help. If my only hope to tell you is that yes, there are times when you give up and then a miracle happens, I'm glad for that. I wish you all peace, I wish your babies back, I wish for your miracles too, and I pray every night for them, and for that hole in your life to be refilled.
And P.S. Yes, I do love Shadow doubly so - her "boy" went to college this week, and I'm her new best bud.

Let me know if I can help, and take care - Barb

Bless you both, and take care - Barb

[Mink&WillowsMom]

Barb, I didn't mean to imply that guilt was a 'bad' or unusual response -- survivor's guilt is a very understandable feeling -- I was just trying to give you permission to release it!

[paris]

kim and barb,

see my post on lost/missing forum.

[5catsmom]

Barb, I didn't mean to imply that guilt was a 'bad' or unusual response -- survivor's guilt is a very understandable feeling -- I was just trying to give you permission to release it!     

Oh, Kim, I understand that! You and Paris and everyone else have been so darn nice and sweet and supportive when I've needed a release so badly - I just want you to have that same walking on clouds feeling I've had now. And, well, guilt, I come from a family where we kids were sort of weaned on it, it's a lifelong habit. But thank you for your generosity of spirit in making me feel better when you still have so many questions. You have a true, giving heart with no boundaries and I admire that immensely! I think of you and Twitch often and if you don't mind, you both are in my prayers every day. Take care - Barb

[Moose Mom]

Mink & Willows Mom

Shadow and Bennett have made it home. Such great news. I just want you to know we haven't forgot Twitchit or stoped sending him great energy. I think there is great hope he will make it back too. I know you've let go, and how hard it is to hope, but my wish is that his story is as happy as the others.

Love

[Mink&WillowsMom]

For those of you following my saga about Twitchit, I've been posting on Lost Pets under "72 hours" and "Bennett is back!" It's now 23 days. After talking with the animal communicator, I was all prepared to accept his death and move forward. But now with both Shadow's and Bennett's return after 40 and ~56 days, hope has bloomed, and every moment I expect to see him on the porch. I'm hoping he's just on a Walkabout, sorting out the loss of his papa, and joining my family with three other kitties. He's deeply bonded with me, and likes my kitties, but it's still a big change for him to contemplate in his sixth year. It's this state of limbo -- very hard to endure. ~Kim

[toonie]

Kimberly, I too have great hope that Twitchit will return. I like how you think that he may be sorting out the loss of his papa, how very cat-like you are yourself. I too wonder if he isn't checking to make sure his papa isn't anywhere around and checking out the world at the same time then he will come back home when he has made sure that all was done for papa. Believe in miracles, believe in angels that will bring him back home, put a symbolic candle in the window. Be good to yourself and to your kitties, continue creating all this beauty and good life with the house and yard,
you are an admirable lady and life will bring you many happy returns, I am sure of this. Hugs.

[zookeeper]

M and W'sMom,

I'm waiting for your miracle too.

(Given what he went through, a sensible guy just might go on a Walkabout!)

We're holding you in the light over here.

Sharon

[Mink&WillowsMom]

Day 27. I've found my way back to that place of dull resignation. Mostly, anyway. I miss him so, he was such a fabulous cat. You can see from his picture how beautiful he was, and he had a bold ...PRESENT... personality to match. If I could do it over again, I'd spend more time with him after Papa died. I didn't hang out with him at his house after the first month because I wanted him to regard my home as the place where he got cuddles and love, so that he'd start seeking it out more often. I could see he was a bit lonely -- I have some guilt over that now. If I'd had ANY idea he was going to be gone a mere 96 days after Dad died, I'd have handled it differently. I thought we had more time to work it out. *sigh*

[Muffins]

Dear (((((((Kim)))))))

I just want you to know that I am praying that your handsome guy Twitchet comes home to you very soon....

Peace & Love to you and yours,

Denise

[Mink&WillowsMom]

For those of you who have been following the saga of my missing Twitchit, I have the sad ending to the resolution I was seeking, which I've posted under the Lost and Missing thread, "Going to Hire a K9 Search Team." You've all been so supportive, thank you from the bottom of my heart. ~Kimberly

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[Mink&WillowsMom]

and one more...
he was such a beautiful boy, a photographer's dream...

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[5catsmom]

I do wish I'd known him. I have 2 Norwegian Forest Cats, along with the rescues, which are supposedly related to the Maine Coon - there's a hearty debate whether the one breed is descended from the other or not - and there's a distinct resemblance, but both breeds are absolutely gorgeous and so photogenic. Your Twitch is a ham, though, my 2 would never pose the way he does. He has such an eye for the camera. He's away up there with your Dad, posing away and listening to the clicks of the camera till he gets bored and wanders off to check out the birds. Bless him, the scamp. You take care, Kimberly - Barb