Valentina Brought Home-unusual Reaction Options

[eclipse]

I brought Valentina's ashes home yesterday. I miss her like crazy, and I'd much rather be bringing her home in her original form. At least I have some sense of closure on this and know she no longer suffers. For a while I thought the Vet's office lost her because they didn't call me when the service returned her.

I need to know if any of you have experienced somthing like this, and if so how long it continued. Before I even got in the door, my cat Mai knew I had Valentina. I know that because she was behaving in the exact same manner as she did when I would bring Valentina back from a vet appt. She was yowling, (I could her her through the door) and slinking very low to the floor. She was going into every room, sniffing and I think she is looking for Valentina. This morning she did something very similar. It hurts me to watch this because I know she is so upset. I don't want to put Valentina's urn in some deserted corner, but I don't want Mai to be this upset either.

Any ideas about this?

[Furkidlets' Mom]

eclipse,

I'd like to suggest that you might count this as a blessing, rather than be worried about it. To me, this sounds more like a visible validation from Mai that Valentina is right there with you both, not in her ashes, but hanging right around YOU....you just happened to be carrying her ashes when this first happened. Even if Mai can't actually see Valentina ( although there are many accounts of other animals seeming to do that, and even of people seeing passed ones ), she's sensing her 'mate' nonetheless. From what all mediums say, it would be good to validate her validation ( if you know what I mean ) by acknowledging to yourself, Valentina AND to Mai that you recognize that she's there with you, and thank her for making that known to you both. ( I'm also assuming you've already told Mai what happened to Valentina, so as to assure her why her pal isn't physically there now )

This kind of thing DID happen to me and my girl, Nissa, who just passed, when her brother Sabin passed a few years ago. Not only did we both hear him around on several ocassions, but she'd quite often take on some of his trademark characteristics ( like yowling from deep w/i the throat when wanting to play some more ) at times, often when I'd just been missing him terribly. At other times, she'd get startled and would stare, all goosy-necked, at something I couldn't see or hear, and as soon as I'd ask her "Is that your brother there?", she'd relax and carry on with whatever we'd been doing. This often happened during playtimes, and I really believe it was Sabin, wanting to get in on the action, as he'd so often done before. He'd 'scared' her then, too, as she knew that if HE got involved, he'd often take over the entire game and she'd be averse to joining in again, despite my trying to convince her this wasn't what either he nor I wanted to happen. So it all seemed to fit with what our life had been like when he was still with us.

So, were this happening to me.....I'd feel SOOOO blessed, to know that my beloved was still there, still trying to be a part of the family, just w/o her body. I don't HAVE anyone else left to help me more easily experience these kinds of things this time 'round, so I think of you as fortunate. Try to enjoy it for what it is.....an unbroken relationship, just of a different 'form' than what you're used to.

[BOO]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I too just brought my kitty's ashes home (see my thread Shadow's Ashes are Home). I don't have another kitty so no one greeted us when we arrived. I did think of how Shadow reacted every time she got home, though. I sincerely hope she knew she was finally coming home.

When I made the cremation arrangements in the Emergency Animal Clinic on Sunday night, I had no idea what I would do with Shadow's ashes. Now I know. Shadow was an indoor cat. She hated the outdoors. She will remain with me always. I would let your other kitty smell the urn. They too will find peace in the closure.

My thoughts are with you.

[michaelT]

Eclipse, Mai is just mourning like you. Except she's not sure what's going on. She just knows somethings wrong. My boy Steve was killed two weeks ago tomorrow and the other two boys are just now getting back to there old ways. And just barely. They know. They just can't quite put thier finger on it. Like us. michaelT

[5catsmom]

eclipse,
My cats have sometimes had the same experience as Furkidlet's Mom's when they're playing around and suddenly stop what they're dong to stare at seemingly nothing, usually in the corner of my room. It can last for up to a minute, and we always just assumed that it was one of our departed cats there, letting their presence be known. It never frightens them, and it seems completely normal to them (which I guess it is, knowing animals' 6th sense about these things.)

Mai probably senses Valentina's presence, and more, she probably knows that vet office odor, which is probably clinging to the urn. I agree that she needs to explore the urn at her own pace (the urns are usually sealed so it's unikely she'd knock it over or get into it, but make sure, anyway). Mai needs to accept the loss, as you do, and will take cues from you, as you will from her. It's a very mututal loss you share, and may bring you closer together as you grieve together.

I'm sorry for your loss, but in a way glad your Valentina (what a beautiful name) is home again. It's where she belongs, and she'll never leave you again. Take care - Barbara

[Precious' mom]

Cats and dogs, like humans, know when there's a loss because they can sense it in the owner's emotions and interpret it as something wrong, then see there's a member of the family missing and then strange things happen like howling, calling for the lost loved one and going in different places searching for them and even hiding in odd places about the house. Animals experience grief too! Your Valentina is still around you in many ways and it's sad that you can't see or hear it but your other cat can. There's a bond between them like with you and Valentina and sadly animals can't understand it but can feel it. It's like a piece of a puzzle missing!
It will get better, it has with the rent-a-cats not looking or calling for Precious much anymore...though Tigger's unearthly yowling (that actually sounds painful!) in the middle of the night is still an indicator that he still misses Precious.
I am so glad Valentina is finally home with you, even though she is in another form. But it's still her! I hope she sends you signals that she is still with you in more ways than you can imagine!
Lisa