My Valentina Has Crossed The Rainbow Bridge. Options

[eclipse]

It is a relief to find this forum, and to know that I am neither alone nor crazy for feeling as deep sorrow as I do. It will be a week tomorrow since I had my beautiful little grey cat, Valentina pts. She was such a joy in the 9 years we spent together. I was not prepared for the grief I feel at her passing. The decision to have my beloved pet pts was the most difficult and heart-rendering one I've ever made.

She had nasty, invasive cancer. By the time I noticed she had lost weight, it was already too late. I initially thought it might have been a change of food I'd made a few weeks earlier. I scheduled an appointment with a new Vet (I'd moved to a different town) for checkups and vacs for both cats.

The Vet sadly told me her left kidney had tumorous growth, and was 4 times normal size. I could tell he hated telling me that. Within a period of a week, the growth increased tremendously, and it was apparent she was no longer enjoying life. The kitty who would appear like magic in the kitchen every time I went in there, and would "hoover" up food, now had to be coaxed to eat. She used to walk circles around her housemate in order to get petted first, but now she would hesitate before letting me touch her.

Every fiber in my body screamed NO, but I called and made the final appointment. I am working through anger with myself about not paying enough attention to see she was this ill, and guilt that she needlessly suffered pain because of my ignorance. At the beginning of her life, someone threw her away like trash. She was found shivering in a tree on a cold February day. What they threw away was a precious gem. It is going to take a while to work through the feeling that I failed in my promise to always take care of her.

I am very grateful to the Vet I brought her to for his skillful and sensitive handing of Valentina's situation. This Dr. had not treated my cat before, but acted as if she were a long time patient. He had a way of answering my questions that allowed me to see her situation clearly, what options there were, and to come to conclusions myself as to what was the best choice for her. Even on the day of her last appointment, his questions as to her condition and one last exam allowed me to validate that I was doing what was best for her. God bless this man and all other Vets like him. As healers, this part of the job can't be easy for them to do.

I am having difficulty in talking to others about this. Many of the people I've tried to talk to are very insensitive and have actually said "Oh, there are plenty of cats, just go get another, better yet, get two", or "My God, it's only a cat". She wasn't just a cat, she was part of my family and she can't be interchanged or replaced. What I want to respond with is this - Imagine that your child has just died. How would you feel if someone said "Oh just go home and make another one", or "My God, it's only a kid"? But I don't because it would be just plain mean. I just walk away and vow not to talk to that person again about something so personal and deeply painful.

I know that folks here will understand how I feel. I've read most of the posts and know that others here have suffered devastating loss. Each of us is trying to find the strength to mend our hearts and go on. How that is accomplished, I don't yet know, I still have that path to walk and I don't even have her ashes back yet.

I know this is a long post, but I have one final thing to say. For many years now, I thought myself unable to deeply love. Valentina's final gift to me was to prove me wrong.

[Daisy's Mommy]

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Everyone here understands how you feel, having suffered similar losses. I love what you wrote about your cat being a gem. I felt exactly that way about my dog, who was given to the vet by her previous owner who no longer wanted her.

You should not feel guilty or bad that you didn't notice your cat's condition earlier. That is one problem being a mom or dad to a furrykid. They can't tell you when they are sick and often it is not obvious. Also, I don't think kidney cancer is very treatable in cats.

What is important is that when you noticed, you took quick action and did all that could be done. And even more, you helped your baby to leave this world without pain. Some people, out of their own need, hang on too long, causing their pet to suffer. And then there are the people who just don't understand - those that say "it's just a cat." I really feel sorry for those people. They are missing something in their souls and will never know the pure love that we have learned from our beloved pets.

I don't know if it gets better. My Daisy passed away on April 1, 2006 and I miss her horribly. Coming to this site helps.

Best wishes,

Daisy's Mommy.

[Ken Albin]

Hello,

Thanks for sharing your story. One thing you need to accept is that you did not fail in your promise to always take care of her. You fed her, gave her a home, and gave her love. When the time came you made certain that she would not suffer a long and agonizing death. After she left, you wept for her not being here. And now you have kept faith with your love for her by telling us some of her story and sharing your feelings. In the future you will continue to keep your promise by carrying your love for her in your memories of her. You may also help another animal by taking them into your heart as you did her. As long as you are alive and perhaps even afterwards you will keep your promise to care for her in every way you can. Oh yes, you've kept your promise and then some!

Take care and heal quickly,
Ken Albin

[michaelT]

Eclipse, I too just found this forum. It is a blessing. I lost my cat Steve to the neighbors dog and plan to bury him tomorrow with the help of a friend. I'm 50, had lots of cats(all good) but he was one of the best. He was 14 and it's hard to imagine life without him. Pain and suffering, I guess. This happened yesterday so I'm just getting started with all this and hope sites like this can help ease both of our pain and realize what a normal condition this loss of ours is. Good luck my friend, MT

[Daisy's Mommy]

It also helps me to think that the pain I am feeling is a small price to pay for having had the honor of knowing and loving Daisy. I would not have missed a minute of the time I had with her no matter how much it hurts now. I bet you all feel the same about your babies.


They are worth everything.


Daisy's Mommy

[beecherbabe]

I am so sorry to read about Valentina.. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. Just know that there a great people here to help you through this. My baby boy Charlie died on 08/10/06 due to advanced lung cancer, I did not see the signs either until it was too late, and did not know his cause of death until after he died. All I can say is you and Valentina are in my thoughts and prayers.

Take Care,

Charlie's mom,

Michelle

[Precious' mom]

I am so sorry for your loss. The death of a beloved pet is so close to a human loss! My thoughts and prayers are with you. Give yourself time to grieve and to heal and know Valentina was a part of you and will always be with you.
You gave her love and comfort...and she knew that! She gave you unconditional love in return. She was a very lucky baby to have you as a mum!
Lisa

[nickels]

I am so sorry to hear of the untimely passing of Valentina and Steve. I know they were loved and well cared for, especially at the end. They were blessed to know such love and devotion.

It has been a month today (@11:59) that my Nickels was pts. I mourn his passing and weep a little every day. This message board has been a God send. How often do we go through a tragic episode with a group of people that DO know what we are going through? I hope that you visit as much as can help you with your grief. Know that you are in prayer and that you are a blessing to your beautiful Valentina and Steve.

Michelle

[JOANNE]

ANOTHER HEARFELT SORROW FOR THE PASSING OF VALENTINA AND STEVE. IAM ABOUT 11 WEEKS POST RAGGS BEING PTS. PLEASE ALL YOU NEW FOLKS CONTINUE TO SHARE YOUR SADNESS AND WE ALL WILL TRY TO HELP ONE ANOTHER
JOANNE

[Krissyo]

Eclipse, I am so sorry for your loss. You are not alone in your guilt as I think almost all of us feel some of that even though it is not justified. The outcome was death and we now have alot of pain and time to play "What If" which is really of no value. I ache for your loss as mine is still raw also but you did not let Valentina down. I had to have Dugan pts five weeks ago due to cancer and his brother, Dobbsie, pts 12/20/04 also due to cancer. It is a horrible disease that shows no mercy. I have to constantly remind myself that Dugan & Dobbsie are not in pain anymore and they are together at Rainbow Bridge waiting for me and my H.

As for you remarks about people not understanding I can identify with that. Everyone that I told about Dugan's passing had a real uncomfortable look on their face and did not want to dicuss it. It gave me an insite into who these people really are. Where I live alot of people think of animals as property rather than soulmates and it make it really difficult to relate. This website has been a safe, compassionate, and understanding place for all of us to pour out our pain and confusion. We help each other. We ALL understand what each of us are going through and the people who are farther along than I give me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I will carry my beloved Dugan in my heart forever. I know that having him in my life made me a better person and I know that I will see him again but the wait will be really hard. You will see Valentina again. Take some comfort in that and that she is still with you in spirit.

You are my thoughts and prayers for peace and healing.

Dugan's Mom
Krissyo

[eclipse]

To each of you who've posted a response, my heartfelt thanks for your kind words. It means a lot to me, and I can see by the posts that each of you cares deeply about your lost babies too.

On some mornings, I still have a hard time believing Valentina is really gone. I wake up and expect to see her looking down at me, or I hear a noise and think she is in another room.

I still have my Mai, who is the "original" cat. She is 15 y.o. in October. I always thought that she would be the first one to go, due to her age. But I guess we should never assume anything, particularly with how much time one has on this earth. Mai is a bit confused too. I am trying to give her extra attention, as she and Valentina played together a lot. From my perspective, it looked like a lot of chasing, hissing and tackling, but that is just good fun for them. Just this morning, Mai wanted to play hide and seek with me. (I am not as good at it as Valentina was). She is also finding all the spots where Valentina used to lie, and is sleeping in those. I really think she misses her too.

One of Valentina's favorite places to sleep was on a soft fabric tote bag I'd left on the floor awaiting repair of the handle. I bought it at a tag sale given by Stratford Cat Project. (They use the proceeds of their sales to help strays). Now Mai is sleeping on it. It breaks my heart.

Again, thank you all for your support.
Holly

[JOANNE]

I CAN CERTAINLY IDENTIFY WITH YOU BOTH ABOUT PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTANDING OUR GRIEF. WHEN I ADVISED BY E-MAIL ONE OF MY LIFETIME FRIENDS THAT RAGGS HAD DIED ABOUT A WEEK LATER I GOT AN E-MAIL BACK SAYING I AM SORRY ABOUT THE DEATH OF YOUR ANIMAL. I APRECIATE HER SAYING THAT BUT I THOUGHT IT SOUNDED COLD AND NOT A WORD HAS BEEN SAID ABOUT IT SINCE. HOWEVER I DO HAVE FRIENDS THAT HAVE GONE THR THE SAME LOSS AND THEY HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME. I CANNOT IMMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT PETS IN THEM THEY HAVE GIVEN SO MUCH AND ASK SO LITTLE. I GUESS I MISS RAGGS SO MUCH BECAUSE HE WAS MY EMPTY NEST BABY ANE EVEN THOUGH I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A DOG AND USUALLY A CAT I HAD MORE TIME TO DEVOTE TO HIM AND I WAS HIS SPECIAL PERSON AS I AM SURE YOU ALL WERE IN YOUR BABIES LIFE. SOME PEOPLE FROWN ON ME CALLING MYSELF RAGGS MOM BUT I WILL ALWAYS BE THAT. TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELVES FOLKS.
RAGGS MOM JOANNE
PS I THINK THAT MOST OF YOU ARE A LOT YOUNGER THAN MYSELF AND WILL BE ABLE TO HAVE MANY MANY MORE YEARS WITH FURBABIES.