How Do You Cope Without Your Soulmate?, Do you recover? or just get use to it? Options

[Crystal's Mom]

This is my third night to be lost! This is my third night to be so alone! This is another sleepless one! How do you cope without your life and soul. I feel as if part of mine passed on when my soulmate passed away. I am in agony! I still can't eat, can't sleep, can't breath sometimes. I have yelled out in anger. I have cried desperately to bring her back. I have tried to make deals. I have tortured myself. Do you ever recover? Am I ever going to feel whole again? Do you ever get used to the idea of your baby being gone?

I MISS CRYSTAL SOOO MUCH!! She slept with me every day of her 14 year life. Now I find I cannot sleep without her. I keep finding myself reaching for her to pull her closer only to find there isn't anything there. But every time I close my eyes, I am haunted with the last thing I saw, her poor lifeless body. How do I get beyond this? I am trying to remember how happy she made me and all the good times, but that just makes me miss her and feel guilt that I couldn't perform a miracle and make her healthy again.

I have talked to her constantly. I am so worried about her. Is she happy? Does she know how much I love her and miss her? Is she pushing her cloud bed in exactly the right shape before she goes to sleep?

I am lucky and fortunate that I was allowed to share her life with her! I do have quite alot to be thankful for and I am, but the pain is severe. The love for my human children makes me go on and exist for them, but there is a huge void in my life without my first child. My fur child. The one that was always the best behaved, most loving, and cuddly.

This site and all of my fellow animal lover friends are the only comfort I have found. Please help me work through this. Even my two beautiful children are not bringing me joy as they usually do. They are 4 & 6 and keep forgetting she is gone and calling for her or talking about her which starts the tears and the memories flooding again.

I have found comfort from this site and many of you here. Please help me get through this!

[Tillie]

Oh I am so sorry you are going through this 3 days ........Boy I kinda remember 3 days after losing Tillie. Trust me on this we have all been at that horrible point it just plain HURTS. I wish I had the best advice for you I am not very good with words but I can try. After losing my little one I just wanted to die really the thought crossed my mind how could my baby be without me ? People said she was in a better place that only mad me upset cause I knew she loved me the family this house her life how could she possibly be in a better place?

But the grief I had the constant tears the gut retchin pain is all a part of healing and accepting what is to be. They say time heals the pain maybe thats true I kinda feel time is changing the pain I still cannot imangine another day without her but another day I will be and I get through it. It's ok to hurt and cry now I found alot of comfort in reading anything I could books this site online articles anything I spent hours upon hours searching for anything to say what I felt was ok because I was really scared I was not handling this in a "normal" way. But I found that to some of us the connection is so deep and profound that how can you not grieve and hurt when you love them so much and they are snatched away.

You WILL get better with it will you ever like it? NO but you will adjust in time. We get our furbabies knowing they will probably not outlive us but like many here did I not understand that when I got mine? Well sure I did but I did not dwell on it instead I lived and enjoyed them and now I have to go through this but truly I can see today it really is a small price to pay because of the love and joy Tillie brought me { Thank you my Tillie} see now I can say that but 3 days after her death I could not have said that. I am very sorry you are at this point it is a real bad place to be but just hang in there and go through the tears and hurt there is another side for both you and foryour Crystal.

[penguinstar]

i know exactly how you feel...today is also the third day for me to be without my cat Ubi....i havent eaten...and i constantly stare at her pictures...talking to her urn..wondering if she can hear me...theres so much i want to let her know...
sometimes when im on here reading these posts i suddenly get the image that shes lying behind me on the bed sleeping like she always does when i use the computer....but when i turn around...shes no there...it hurts a lot....

I'm sorry I don't know how to comfort you because i've yet to find something that comforts me....all i can say is that you're not alone....

[Max's pal]

Today is day 4 without my cat Max. I don't know what to say. You struck a nerve in me when you refer to Crystal as your soulmate. Perhaps Max was my soulmate and that is why it hurts so bad.

[LuckyNono]

Hi Crystal's Mom, this is LuckyNono's Mom. I can't tell you any comforting words but just to remind you that our babies left the same day. And I am still hurting, I wish I can hold you to comfort you and for my sake too, because as of now, nothing else matters! This may sound horrible but this is how I am feeling right now!

[Crystal's Mom]

This is my 4th night of lonliness. It isn't getting any easier. The void is tremendous. The emptiness is extreme.

Nightime is the worst. It was the time I had after the children went to sleep to cuddle her and pamper her and tell her she was my sweetest baby.

I keep talking to her now. I think I could get some peace if I got some sort of recognition that she forgives me for not being able to heal her. I want to know that she is safe, secure, and not as sad and lonely as I am. I wouldn't want that for her as I am sure she wouldn't for me, but I am the one still here and she was taken from me.

I am still having so much difficulty acknowledging she is really gone and is never coming back. How could she be gone? She has been there more than 1/3 of my life. I know animals usually don't outlive their humans, but 14 was young. I never dreamed she would be playing one day and then the next 2 months be so helpless. I have guilt that I should have flown her to specialists that could have saved her. My vet is a very kind gentle person, but maybe someone else, some miracle could have saved her. Money wasn't the issue. I was already in the thousands and would give thousands more to still have her. It isn't fair. My love should have been strong enough to save her. She did know I love her, but I would give anything to be able to look in her eyes again and have her lick my nose.

I feel as if I have to be strong during the day in front of friends, family, my children. Night time is sooo hard. I don't have to try to be brave. I MISS HER SOOO MUCH!!

[Kim R.]

Crystal's mom,
my heart just bleeds for you . The memories that come flooding back when I read your posts are heatwrenching . I remember those days as though they were just yesterday <sniff>, when the reality is that it has been more than 20 months since my girl's been gone. Please believe me when I say that you will learn to live with this, You will learn to deal with it better. When Sasha first died and people told me that, I thought that it was impossible, I thought that they couldn't have possibly loved their baby like I loved her..my canine soulmate, but it really does. If it did for me, I know it will for everybody, because I don't think any one could have possibly loved their baby more than I did my Sasha (equally maybe, but not more )!I personally still stuggle with my girl's abscence every day, but that stabbing pain has faded and has been replaced with a very deep longing to just see her, touch her, smell her, one more time. I like you, still struggle with the thoughts of not seeking out specialists and what not, even though I logically know that even a specialist couldn't have made a difference, it was just her time. I still cry now and then, as a matter of fact I was thinking of her last night as I was trying to sleep and I couldn't stop replaying those last moments of her life in my mind, so I burst into tears...I, too, miss my baby so much. I had to make the decision to euthanize her, so aside from just missing her so much, I also have to deal with the fact that I am the one who took her life, and although I did it because I thought it was best for her, I just can't shake the guilt. See, I had my girl for 16 years, and she was with me since I was 14 years old, so we were together for more than half of my life. I didn't know how to function without her. When she first died, I truly wanted to die too just so I could be with her. Thank God I had my newborn daughter, I hate to think of what I would have done. We all handle grief in our own way, in our own time, and there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to that, but I do know from experience that it does at least get easier to deal with. Things will never be the same again, it is definitely life changing, but you will adjust to how your life is now going to be. Crystal will always be a part of you, and although your life will never be the same, you will carry all the things you learned from your precious girl with you, and you will find happiness again. I still think of Sasha daily, it's hard not to when I have her pictures everywhere and some of her ashes in a necklace I wear around my neck, but I like to be reminded of her, and now I find that I can actually smile a lot of the time when I think of her and wrap myself in the blessing of having ever known her at all, and the times that I break down in tears, like last night, have become much fewer. I guess I just wanted to respond to you to let you hear from someone, that loved their baby as equally as you did yours, and somehow found a way to survive it. I guess my advice to you is to never fight the tears, and never avoid things that will make you think of her, even if it causes the tears to flow. I think that tears are cleansing, and they actually help us to heal. I am very lucky to be surrounded by people (my husband and family are huge animal lovers and loved Sasha very deeply as well) that are very supportive and try to help me feel better each time I break down and remind me of what a great life that scroungy little pound puppy with no certain future had......the life of luxury and more love than any baby could ever dream of ....which is honestly the only thought that gets me through it.
I hope this made sense, it is so difficult to try to put such deep emotions into words, but I guess the answer to your original question of do you recover, or do you just get used to it is neither, but you learn to live with it.....
Your friend in grief,
Kim

[Zooey's Dad]

I had to put down my beloved kitty on Friday, 4/7.

He was 15 1/2, and I had him since he was 8 weeks old.

His last 24 hours were gut wrenching, as his legs were going and he kept falling on his rump when he tried to walk. I had to hold him up so he could drink some water without falling.

I had been giving him subcutaneous fluid injections for four months for kidney failure. He had a few seizures the last six months, so I was also giving him phenobarbitol for the past five weeks. When I tried to cut back on the pheno, he got twitchy, like a seizure was coming on. When I gave him the pill, he became lethargic. His appetite was decreasing, as was his energy. I watched him like a hawk these past few months to evaluate every movement.

When I brought him to the vet Friday, he showed just how much heart he had: he walked a little without falling. I told the vet if he thought I should wait, I gladly would, but he felt that my decision was "appropriate" and that he would just keep wasting away- he said he was already somewhat emaciated. But that kitty never lost his heart. His body was failing, but he didnt feel sorry for himself. Why do I feel so badly for me and him?

It's been very lonely these past few days without him, and when I go home tonite and he isnt there, I am sure the tears will start falling yet again.

-sigh-

[Crystal's Mom]

The tribute by Kim to Sasha with the link at the bottom of her post above is beautiful and brought me peace in knowing that we cannot heal our babies poor sick bodies and all we can do is love them and hold their memories in our hearts. The pain will be immense for sometime yet, but Kim brought me some peace and I THANK YOU FOR THAT!!

Also the link in her post to the animated Rainbow Bridge is beautiful and serene. It also brought me some comfort.

I am by no means over my mysery, but so many of you that have responded empathize and understand. I will continue to grieve, but now I have friends I can turn to for support.

[Missing Digger]

I also understand the grief of having to put your beloved pet to sleep. However, for me it is also the guilt knowing that I wasn't there with him. Digger had lymphoma and was on predisone. He was doing fine althought the lymph glands were getting bigger. I thought he would be with me for awhile yet. However, that Saturday morning when I woke up, he was struggling to breathe and I knew it was time. He sat on at my feet with big tears in his eyes just looking at me. I will never forget that. I was not strong enough to go with him to the Vet's. My husband and son took him. My daughter gave me a tranquilizer and put me to bed. I was not there for him when he needed me and that still hurts.

[Kim R.]

Crystal's mom,
I am so glad that my words and links on my reply were able to bring you some comfort, if only for a moment. It is actually still healing for me as well to share my thoughts from time to time, which is why this site is such a God send to so many of us, no matter how long it has been since we had to say good-bye to our babies. I re-read my tribute to my girl and watched the rainbow bridge video once more after reading your reply.....of course they both still made me cry as though it was just yesterday (especially the tribute~it makes me think so much of our last day together and that moment when she laying ever so still in my arms<more tears>).....I count the days until I can see my baby again...
Your friend in grief,
Kim

[Karen44]

I am so so sorry for what you are going through and your terrible loss. I also lost my soulmate. His name was Max and he left me shortly after his 17th birthday so I know that this is the hardest time for you. Keep writing and keep reading that you are not alone. I know it seems impossible, but you will get through this and you will be grateful, as I am, to have had your time together. Hang in there, Karen

[Crystal's Mom]

My 6th night to be alone. I am still clinging to her fuzzy toy. It gives me comfort. I slept with her for 14 years and the only way I can sleep at all now is with her toy. It still has her smell and the fur on it feels almost real. It is not a normal sleep yet, broken with cries of anguish, but it is some rest. I went without sleep at all for 3 nights with images of her death so vivid that I kept re-living her last day over and over. So I feel this is an improvement and a move toward healing.

I was forced today to resume a scaled down version of my normal life. My human children needed me. I left the house for the first time. I stayed gone 4 hours. I didn't have any complete "melt downs" for 4 hours. The tears did flow, but not as intense or for as long of a duration. My youngest child had her 5 year old check-up which consists of 4 immunizations to get her ready for Kindergarten next year. She needed me to comfort her and I regained my "Mommy" strength.

When I got home, I sat in Crystal's favorite spot and talked to her and told her about my day. I held her urn for a while and had a "melt down", but then I read a book a friend had given me called "Dog Heaven." It is a children's book and it is intended to read to children to help them cope. I read it and found that the simple message helped ease my pain. I talked to Crystal asking if that is what it is like up there. Then I gathered my strength and read it to my children. We felt as if the book was written specifically for our Crystal. We counted all the times that one of the dogs in the book looked like her. There were also other similarities to her life. Crystal used to chase geese. (sometimes the geese chased her.) Well the book has geese in dog heaven. The squirrels always tortured Crystal because she just couldn't catch one. Well some of the dog biscuits were shaped like squirrels. We laughed and said she finally got a bite of one of those squirrels. Did you hear that, I actually laughed.

It is night again now though. The children are asleep and this is the time I used to hold my fur baby and tell her how much I love her. This is the time I set aside to be our "one-on-one" special time. This is the time of day I grieve the most.

I feel that healing has finally begun for me. I MISS HER MORE THAN EVER!!! With the help of friends and all of the rest of you, I feel at peace finally that I did everything I could to nurse her back to health and it was just her time. It doesn't mean I accept that decision, but I realize that it was out of my control and her maker only made her to last 14 years. The pain is still immense and the loliness intense, but I am beginning to accept that she isn't coming back.

I still long to hold her one more time, but our time will come again later.

[QorquisDad]

Crystal's Mom,

How I remember the first days after my Qorqui was killed. I was a complete zombie. All I could do was cry. Anything else I tried ended up in crying. I went to work and kinda tried to look like I was getting stuff done, but it took everything I had to not just sit at my desk and bawl.

It's been 13 months and 10 days for me. As I mentioned to Missing Digger, I still tear up a couple times a week, and even have a good long cry now and again. But, overall, I've learned to live with this hole in my heart.

You, too, will survive this. You will probably never "get over it", but as has already been said, you will learn to live with it. I should probably also mention, you will have this new ability to cry on cue too. I can do it. I bet Kim R. can too, and probably alot of other folks here. It's real crying with real sadness behind it. I have no idea why I'm bringing this up, except maybe to point out that you really will learn to live with this, but that somewhere, deep inside you, there may always be a sadness that can be brought back to the surface with just a slight reminder.

Do take care of your self and your girls. I was so happy to read that you were able to smile again. You're on the right road. It will get better. Eventually, you will be able to think about Crystal and smile more often than not.

Tim

[Crystal's Mom]

IT HAS BEEN ONE WEEK SINCE MY SOUL BABY WENT TO DOG HEAVEN. I experinced the pain all over again as I relived the events of a week ago. It was the worst 2 days of my life!!!

In the last week, the healing process has began some. The one thing I have accomplished in the 1st week is, I stopped blaming myself. Crystal was 14. She had a heart murmur, an enlarged heart, congestive heart failure, and kidney failure. She quit eating or drinking 2 months before she passed. I kept her alive by feeding her food and water every 30 min - 1 hour during the day and every 2 hours at night by syringe. She gave up 2 months earlier than I did. Her body was ready to go 2 months before I would let her.

With the support of LS in the last week, I did get beyound the blame and guilt and have learned to accept I did everything I could possibly do, but "it was just her time."

I STILL MISS HER TERRIBLY!!!! I still have lots of pain and I have not learned to get used to her being gone, but getting beyound the GUILT was a big step this week.

Another thing that helped. My husband planted a beautiful pink dogwood tree outside my kitchen window in tribute to her. It is full of huge pink blooms and when the sun sets, it is completely illuminated. Absolutely stunning. It brings me peace to see her expressed as beautiful in death as she was in life. It will continue to remind me of her love for years and it blooms annually on the anniversary of her death.

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[Crystal's Mom]

Today, being Easter, I had a complete "melt down" again. I still have such pain! It has been 10 DAYS since I lost my sweet angel Crystal. All day I kept having flash backs of her poor sick body, then of her last moments when I looked in her eyes and she was gone. THE PAIN IS STILL IMMENSE!

So many of you have said you have gotten signs, visions, something from your beloved companions. I have not heard her, or seen her, or felt her presence at all. She was always very quiet, floating through the house like a fluffy white cloud. I thought Easter would be my day to feel her again. I miss her terribly and want a dream or something to confirm to me that she is happy, healthy, and waiting beside the rainbow bridge so we can be together again.

I talk to her all the time. I had intended to sprinkle her ashes, but I can't let go of them. She hated cold, wet, or storms. Her favorite place to be was near me so I am keeping her urn in a glass front bookcase beside my bed. She always slept in the bed beside me for 14 years. It is still BREAKING MY HEART. I still cannot accept that she is gone. I WANT HER BACK!!!

I am still clinging to her dog toy every night. That is the only way I can get any sleep.

[Tillie]

Crystals mom

I come here every single day to read and I don't always respond because sometimes words are just not enough. But I read all the post and I do think the words of others help. My little tillie has been gone almost 13 weeks I too have her ashes by my bed still I plan to put them in my glass cabniet but just cant do it yet. I have slept with her collar and a pillow that has her picture in it a gift from a client of mine since she has passed so for 13 weeks I have done this.

Trust me 10 days is still a very hurtful time 13 weeks still hurt but really it is not like 10 days. I really think it's only been the last 2 or 3 weeks that I have not cried numerous times a day now I just meltdown every few days. I wish I could say to you it's ok but it's not and I understand that it hurts like all get out and as hard as it is and as much as it hurts you have to go through it but there is another side to the grief but guess you have to go from point a to b then c ect.

I have read 4 books so far and have another 4 to read about losing a beloved pet and again it helps I think but that hole in my heart is still huge and I expect that will be like that for awhile or maybe even forever.

Tillies mom

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[SJ J & S]

So many of you have said you have gotten signs, visions, something from your beloved companions. I have not heard her, or seen her, or felt her presence at all

They cant get through all the dense fog of pain you have to kind to yourself and patient.

the moments are so fleeting and delicate and your body is tense and broken.

The time will come if you want it to, you just have to be ready and at the right time.

Stop punishing yourself for not being 'over it' you cant wipe away 14 years in just 10 day, if you could we would all want to know how

Be kind to yourself give yourself a hug - YOU DO DESERVE IT - WE ALL DESERVE IT.

Love Sue

[LittleKitty]

Easter was a hard day for me too. It was the first day after my Little Kitty's passing.

I am having trouble sleeping too and I keep her collar by the bed. I can't hold it anymore because everytime I move and the bell jingles I get frantic and my other cat freaks out too looking for her.

I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone in your feelings of loss and grief. I used to enjoy time after my daughter went to bed with my kitty. She'd sit on my lap and purr so I know how hard the nights must be for you too. I haven't even been able to stay in my house very long because the emptiness is too much.

I hope you (and I) start to heal soon. I am comforted to know that you felt you've healed some because I can't feel any healing yet.

[Crystal's Mom]

I realized tonight that I have another issue.

I have told everyone that I have not been able to sleep without holding onto Crystal's toy. Well this toy happens to be a lifesize, lifelike maltese that we used to tell Crystal was her sister. It always sat in or beside her dog bed. It used to fake me out. Sometimes I would glance at it and think it was Crystal in her bed.

I realized tonight as I was walking around holding the "toy," that I have substituted this stuffed animal for my sweet Crystal. As I have said before, after the children went to sleep, it was my time alone with Crystal. Well now, I have began to carry this toy around as if it were her. I realized, as I was talking to and stroking this toy that I was losing all sanity. I even scared myself here. HAVE I COMPLETELY LOST IT?? All I can think of is, it just doesn't hurt as bad as long as I have the toy. It has become my security blanket, like a child's. The toy doesn't lick me or look into my eyes, but it is getting me through this tramatic time. I MISS HER DEEPLY and this toy is my only relief. Should I be seeking a psychiatric evaluation?

12 DAYS OF MISSING MY SWEET BABY!