One Month,not Much Better, My boy Options

[parker]

Well, one month later, I expected to feel a little better. I still cry every moment someone leaves me alone. It's like I sneak them in so as not to appear so pathetic. I cry hard too, that hasn't lessened a bit. I feel like I am just missing him more and more everyday. Part of me wants another baby. I still have Roxy, my Great Dane, but I am missing something. I know it is Parker that I am missing, I just wish it was in my control to bring him back to me. So, I am stalking shelters and humane society's for a dog whose eyes "speak to me". But then, I come across a dog that looks like my baby and I just sit at the cage and cry. One of them was admitted into the shelter the day Parker died, which of course seems like a sign. But, I am so afraid if I adopted that one that I would be trying to replace my boy and no one can ever do that. I don't want to pet another dog and cry because it's not Parker. That isn't fair to anyone. Maybe that means I am not ready, or maybe I need to do a puppy and start from scratch like I did with Park. I am so confused, but I know my family isn't complete without another baby. I am even 4 months pregnant right now, and everyone of course thinks I shouldn't "take on" another dog, with one child and one on the way.......but my fur babies fill such a different space in my heart, that I know there is room. What I wouldn't give for just one more hug and smell of his beautiful hair. One more kiss on the freckle on his lip, or smell of his salty ear. I swear I will never heal from this, I will never stop longing for him. Thanks for listening to my ramble.

Parker's Mommy,
Kerry