The Loss Of My Baby, death of a pet Options

[Dawn]

Last week i was faced with the hardest decison. I had taken Sandy repeatedly to the vet, set in my mind that this was it, but i kept fighting. Sandy had a chronic illness, and at 1 year of age, she was suppossed to be put to sleep. I refused to give up and came home and did my research. I went back to the vet and had him order treatment from Purdue University. It was a last hope. The medicine was so strong, it could have killed her and i sat up all nite with her after each treatment. The next six years we battled it back and forth, every time she became worse, i was sure it was the end. Maybe i kept her around for my own selfish reasons. I layed with her on the bed on Tuesday nite, asking God to give me a sign, because she was getting really bad. She had developed sores from the illness, and when she rolled over she left huge spots of blood. I knew this was the sign. I scratched her belly in places she wasn't hurting, i got up and cooked her a wonderul meal, and spent the rest of the nite doing her favorite things... On Wednesay, i said goodbye. Still battling with myself whether she still had some life in her, and if i was making the right decision. I have always had rescue animals, a sharpei that was blind, that lived with us for 10 years, and a cat that was abused and crossed eyed, and a broken tail I was the one keeping animals alive, how could i now be taking one's life away. It just about killed me to make the decision, and i havent stopped crying since. I feel just terrible, and am trying any way just to make it threw this. I miss her so much... and i feel so guilty, did i do too much, did i not do enough.. I hope someone out there can share with me something to help me through this.