Missing My Precious Snookie, Scars In My Heart and Soul Options

[Ann H]

My world has fallen out from under me as I have faced so much pain and loss. Loss from losing my 2 girls my precious Snookie and my grandbaby sweet Chili Bean. I have faced endless hours, days, weeks, and months that leave me so weary, devastated, and heart broken. Time that has rushed on by and has left me with scars on my heart and soul.

Scars that seem not to heal but scab up and then are rubbed raw and opened again by memories and desire. Desire to hold and touch my little girls, to kiss their sweet faces, to whisper words of love in their ears, sing songs to them, and to hold them in my arms, and to take them places with me. Desire to have them in my life back to a time when they were healthy and well. Desire to embrace their love and never let go.

Now I am a woman broken and sad, who now has little control over my emotions. One who can be fine one minute then the next find myself in tears. Often times feeling so lost and lonely as I search through the rubble of what's left of my life.

All the while trying so desperately to move forward with my life yet finding it so hard to let go. Having once found unending joy and pleasure in life I want to feel those things again. I want to smile and laugh again and love with all my heart and soul. But I feel guilty for doing and wanting these things as I try to repair my damaged heart and soul.
Ann

This picture was taken by my husband a couple of nights before my darling Snookie girl left this world. Snookie was laying on me as was our daughter Paula. We were telling Snookie Cookie how much we loved her and what joy she had given us over the years. My daughter and I have a tear stained face as we spoke words of love.

I guess we are lucky the lazy boy chair held up as the 3 of us laid there for hours. I did not even feel the weight that was on me as all I could feel was both love and pain from a broken shattered heart. I am so glad Clair captured this picture that holds so much love for our little girl.

Attached image(s)