Turn Back The Clock To Christmas Day, Let Me Hold Snookie One Last Time Options

[Ann H]

I am having trouble sleeping tonight, I may have slept for an hour. Thoughts of my precious Snookie are running through my mind. Just when I think I have the tears under control they start all over again.

I think back to Christmas Day. I was holding my little girl, kissing her, and whispering words of love in her ear. Her little body was so cold I turned up the heat and put her sweater on her and held her most of the day.

I knew her time had come and I couldn't hold her enough. Her eyes told me what I did not want to see, what I did not want to know or face. Snookie was to sick and in too much pain to stay with me much longer.

Those eyes loved me every day since the day I brought her home. The first time I saw her those eyes they were the most beautiful eyes in this world to me. I saw deep love and devotion, and unending love in them. Snookie's eyes captured a part of my heart that she holds forever.

I tried to stay awake the whole night long Christmas night. I thought I would only have one more full day with her and I wanted to make the most of it. I fell asleep for a little while in the night not knowing that would be my last night on earth with her. I long to turn back the hands of time so I could force myself to stay awake. Snookie left my arms and the bed without me feeling her get up.

On the morning of the 26 of December we found her laying in the floor. She had gone into the bathroom and there she lay shivering and shaking. My little girl was almost to weak to move or lift her head. She was wet from throwing up and I took a towel and dried her.

We held her through out the day, loving her telling her how much we loved her. I told her I would be ok it was alright to go, that mama would come to her someday. I told her I didn't want her to worry, love would see me through.

Snookie lifted her head for one last look and let out a moan that can only be described as one you would hear in a horror movie. I don't care how long I live I think I will always hear that heart wrenching sound. My baby did not want to leave me but she was to sick, to weak, to frail to stay.

What I wouldn't give for just one more time to be with my precious baby. I have lived through a lot of things in my life but this is the worst. Yes, I am learning to live without my Snookie and yes the pain has lessened. But my heart still has a huge hole that only my Snookie could ever fill.

I need to hold her again, look into those lovely eyes, kiss her, and tell her how much I love her and always will. Oh God just let me hold her one more time. I would even settle for it to be holding Snookie in my dreams.
Ann