Euthanasia-is It Really That Humane?, CAUTION-SOME DISTURBING CONTENT Options

[AmyMarie]

I lost my little chi, Fanny Mae, on May 29th when I decided to put her to sleep. I got her from the local SPCA in December 2005 when she was already between 10-12. No one wanted her so I brought her home and saved her. She lived another 8-9 years and she was around 21-22 yrs old when she left me. I am going through the motions and taking things day by day and acceptance that she is gone is finally settling in. I know I am going through acceptance by moving forward and looking into a way to memorialize her, picking out an urn for her ashes, etc. I am now going through the process back in my mind over and over again of what happened during her final breaths. If you start to read this and get upset, I am sorry but it is definitly NOT directed towards causing more grief, but more of an understanding for me. I am questioning what my Fanny went through is protocol and having a hard time thinking it is NORMAL...

I decided at first not to be present when they put her down. I couldnt help myself so I went down the hall and looked in the window. I know she saw me and felt me. The vet also saw me. By the time I looked in the window, she was bleeding pretty bad from her front left forearm where he administered the first syringe (which I believe calms them down). Then he administered the euthanasia drug in her right forearm, no blood but she yelped and screemed 4-5 times before it was over. After hearing that I took off into the waiting room balling my eyes out. I have done my research and have heard that "some" vocalization is normal but I am sorry, what I heard was NOT normal! My sister put her 14 yo black lab down 2 weeks ago (ironic) and was not there during his final minutes, but, she was there when she put down her chocolate lab years beforehand. She said he yelped once and it was all over. When I told her what happened with Fanny she looked concerned. I also mentioned it to a friend of mine and she seemed disturbed as well.

This process of grieving is taking its course and like I said, I have come to the conclusion she is gone...acceptance. I am now questioning the way the vet proceeded with the euthanasia process and what I saw...and felt. Instead of feeling relief when she took her last breaths, I felt pain..her pain! At this point, there is nothing anyone, ANYONE can tell me that would change my mind in regards to euthanasia being a pain-free process. I also noticed through me reading some of the posts on here that this forum does not have a professional to help us with our questions (veterinarian, vet tech, etc). If there is, then I apologize. It was her time, the way she looked at me told me so. I stopped her suffering but what I experienced was anything BUT a humane way of ending that suffering. Euthanasia painless? Think again!!!