Alone With My Thoughts, Death of my best friend Options

[asorryone]

I lost my bestfriend and family member 6 year old Tyson to a tumor two weeks ago. She had been vommitting for 10days previous and we had left her into the vets for an x-ray. We did not entertain the thought that we might lose her - but the vet then called with the news that she had a tumor in her gut the size of an orange and nothing could be done to save her. We buried her alongside the deceased dogs of a family friend. Unfortunately I was not there for the burial or to take her home as I am in College which is an hours drive from my home and so I got the news via telephone and could not come home for a few days.

I miss her physical presence so much! Everything from the jingle of her collar to the noise of her sprinting up the stairs. Her hairs still lie on some of my clothing. Her bed and toys lie untouched in the shed. There is a void within me i feel can never be filled. To think she is no longer of this earth terrifies me.

My family loved Tyson as much as I did and so they understand what I am feeling and I can talk to them. However, they seem to cope better with it all than me. My father has been diagnosed with heart failure 5 years ago and since has retired. Since my mother works and myself and my sister are in College my father is alone each day and Tyson offered companionship, regular exercise, love, loyalty, safety and of course entertainment. She was a very special dog, she knew our family inside-out and it was as though she was especially tailored to us.

Losing her has provoked deep thoughts for me - thoughts of death, loss, the afterlife, being alone...I feel as though im exceptionally vunerable/sensative. Since we lost Tyson I cannot stop crying and I am overwhelmed with thoughts of losing my father due to his heart failure. I think about God and the afterlife. My faith isnt strong, I want to believe in God, I want to be certain that I will be reunited with my loved ones in the afterlife never to be parted again - but mordern secular society bombards me with messages of disbelief. None of my friends of family members understand this state of reflection that has struck me. I am turning 20 and studying Law in College. On weekdays I live away from home and due to these recent events i feel exceptionally home sick. I am so scared of losing my parents that i want to spend every minute with them. I have no interest in going out to clubs, bars..i have even lost motiviation to do my essays/go to class. I am stuck in this depressive, reflective state.

I joined this website after reading some posts similar to my situation and have been touched by compassionate responses by people who seem to be like me - a love of animals, of all life..people who has compassionate, loving and reflective. I just hope for conversation with people who can maybe shed light on my current state. i appreciate any helpful, friendly comments. I feel lost and unsure. I have lost a companion, a stable loving soul in this unstable world. Ive even asked myself - what is the point in living, if we live to see our loved ones die?