My Sweet Sophie, diagnosed with nasal cancer :f Options

[Sophiedog]

-My Sophie was recently diagnosed with a nasal carcinoma. It has just completely turned my life upside down - its like I'm like living day to day. I don't have any children...and its not exactly like Sophie is a substitute for raising kids...but she is a wonderful dog and I love her like crazy. I'll pretty much do everything possible to treat her as long as she isn't in pain.

The thing is I feel a tremendous amount of guilt about the whole thing. See...three months ago, I woke up and Sophie (who has her bed next to mine) was bleeding heavily from her nose. I scooped her up and rushed her to the doctors (by the time we got there the bleeding had stopped.) The doctor examined her, found nothing in her nose (no mass) and nothing abnormal on her complete bloodwork panel. the Dr. said to watch for more bleeding, otherwise she seemed ok. For three months Sophie had what I now know to be symptoms of the tumor, particularly loud snoring at night. But she is 11, I never imagined after the Drs. visit anything was really wrong.

Then one Saturday, she seemed a little off. She was sneezing a bit and didn't want to play at the dog park. I though she simply had a cold. By Sunday night she was burning up and the deformity appeared on her nose. she also had more sporadic bleeding from her one nostril - but not as bad as that first time. I pretty much figured at this point the mass could be cancer. I rushed her to the vet first thing Monday morning where they suspected cancer as well. They did xrays and it hadn't spread to her lungs.

After a couple tries at biopsies and a CT scan, we know its extensive but hopefully we can confirm it hasn't invaded her eye or brain yet (we are waiting for the final CT report.) If this is the case, we can do a full round of radiation (which has an average survival of 12-15 months.) BUT, while getting her oncology workup she had an ultrasound, the oncologist also felt a mass in her abdomen (right next to her rib cage.) Apparently it was all old and mineralized, and the biopsy was inconclusive but because it looked to the doctor on the ultrasound that it had been there a while and therefore must benign. If we opt for the full radiation, the oncologist is insisting on removing the old benign mass first. Our other option is a more palliative radiation treatment to keep the tumor from growing and keep her comfortable until the cancer takes her. Right now she seems SO much better than she was the Sunday night before I took her to the vet. She hasn't had any bleeding. she's been on pain meds..as there is bone destruction in her nose. She's also had a round of antibiotics for what looked like an in fection around the deformity poking through the bone. She is eating well, is energetic, loving...she seems like she is doing quite well right now.

I just can't believe it took me three months to realize she had a tumor! What was I thinking letting a massive nosebleed go? How did I not feel a giant mass in her belly? What was I thinking? I pet her and play with her all the time. How did I not feel it? I feel like if it weren't for me being dumb, the tumor wouldn't have grown so big. Depending on the final CT report, she may not even be a good candidate for full treatment. I feel like this is all my fault. I feel SO guilty.

I also keep thinking back on her life...there were a few years in the middle where I felt like I ignored her too much. I was working on my career, I came home.late...we had short walks and only really went to the park on weekends. In the past couple years I've tried to rectify my selfishness by getting her to daily playgroups while I was at work...and I've since been able to work at home a lot. We were also able to go on an awesome camping trip last fall for the first time in almost 3 years.

I don't know. I love her. How do I know I'm doing the right thing for her? I'm just so overwhelmed right now. I'm willing to do anything to make her better, but is a surgery and radiation too much? Will the anesthesia be too much for her? The oncologist said he would wholly support agressive treatment if the CT report shows the tumor hasn't crossed to her brain. He said he'd also support a palliatve treatment. Where is the line between helping her and being selfish? I don't want her in any pain.

Sorry this is so long. I feel lost. Any advice anyone can give...particularly if you've made these choices...please give me some input. Thanks in advance!