My Zoe Options

[Erin]

My name is Erin. I'm 24 years old. I live in Clarks Summit, PA, and I just lost my baby pup, Zoe. She was going to be 8 years old on May 19, we shared a birthday.

Last month she got very sick. I remember the day, I woke up and went into the kitchen. She was on the couch and I heard her get up so I went to give her a hug and kiss. She was in the corner breathing really hard. I thought she was gonna throw up but she didn't. I got her to go outside to get some air and she seemed to be doing a little better. She was outside again when I was leaving for work, I gave her a hug and kiss and turned to go to my car, when I got this overwhelming feeling of panic. I turned around to look at her, and thought to myself, what if this is the last time I see her? I went back over and gave her more hugs and kisses and told her I loved her. That night my family took her to the hospital because she was so sick. The doctor couldn't find anything seriously wrong with her so we thought maybe she just ate something bad.

On Friday, May 13 I came home from work and my mom told me that my best girl wasn't feeling so well, we shrugged it off as her eating something bad again (she was always hanging out near the trash cans) I went out that night and bought her new toys.

The next morning I woke up to my mom coming in my room crying saying she was gone. They took her to the hospital again that morning because she wouldn't get up, my mom and dad had no idea, they thought she was just dehydrated, they left the room to wait in the lobby and the doctor came back and said she was in really bad shape and that they should think about options. Then I guess a nurse came out and said "you need to come quick", by the time they got back to her she was already gone.

My Zoe was the light of my life, my entire reason for existence. The doctor said she just had a weak heart. I've never felt so broken and sad in my whole life. My family's already ok. They got a puppy because my other dog, Guinness, has never been in the house alone and he really needs someone to play with. He loved his big sister and I worry about him a lot.

I'm finding it hard to be close to the puppy.

Zoe was my soulmate, I loved nothing and no one more than I loved her. I should have known there was something wrong.

My family thinks I'm ok. My boyfriend doesn't know what to say to me. My best friend who has been a huge help lives in Massachusetts.

I just really need someone to talk to. I miss my girl so much.

I find myself hoping I'll die soon so I can be with her.