New Here, About to join the ranks Options

[Michelle P]

Hello everyone! I am new here, & while this is a tough forum to be on I am glad I found it. I'm having a hard time reading the threads ---tears tears tears ---but I am getting through them slowly.

We are going to have to put down our beloved 15 year old tabby soon --& it is KILLING me.

Jake & Elwood came to us --litter mates --when they were 7 weeks old. 8 years ago Jake developed diabetes. Many trips to the vet to get him regulated --for about 6 months & then they discontinued his insulin. Had to start over --more trips to the vet (& he is NOT a good traveler!) -- got him regulated somewhat. Then I found a terrific forum for feline diabetes. I learned about testing before each shot. So --to add to the 2 sticks a day of insulin --I started sticking his ear twice a day. All I had to do is say "Come here Jake" & he would come sit on my lap, all ready to be poked. Even purring. So sweet.

He definitely got the short end of the stick. He's had a urinary blockage --- an abscess on his chin --- & last year a liver issue.At that time they suggested putting him down, but I took fluids home & gave him some meds & he totally turned around. Even the vet was shocked that he made a full recovery.

Now he's dwindled from his high 22 lbs to just 8. He's developed neuropathy from the diabetes & can barely see. A few days ago he started not putting his butt all the way down when peeing --- so we bought a mat to put under the box. Now, yesterday, I saw him pee outside of his litter box. He has never ever done that. I think that is my sign. I'm trying to get a urine sample to take to the vet, hoping it's just a bladder infection. But deep down I know this is it. I can't stop crying. I was crying at work all day yesterday --- & we haven't even done it yet. I feel like I can't. These are my first pets ever. I had a dog & 3 cats growing up --but the health issues & decisions were that of my parents. I had a hard time losing my dog --I was only 13 --but all the cats died after I left the house & it just wasn't as hard.

I feel like I am always going to cry. My kids don't know life without Jake. We've never had just one cat. And his poor brother Elwood --he will be lost. Every time he cries for Jake I will lose it. I will never get over losing him.

I lost my dad 8 years ago --just 2 months before Jake developed the diabetes -- at the young age of 57. Of course it was tragic & I had a hard time for a LONG time --& of course I still cry. But I think it's the innocence of animals that I can't cope with --every time Jake looks at me & meows while purring, I feel horrible.

Ok, I am bawling now -- I will wake up with puffy eyes once again tomorrow.

I do look forward to getting to know everyone -- & I'm hoping you all can help me work through the grief that has started before he is even gone

Michelle