Feeling A Lot Of Guilt - Help! Options

[chessielover]

So this past Monday I had to have one of my three Chesapeake Bay Retrievers, Sophie, put to sleep. She was just over 5 years old. We had tried for the past three years to cure her of her extreme aggressiveness toward other dogs, but nothing ever seemed to work. She attacked other dogs we owned, friend's dogs, family member's dogs, all with the very real attempt to do serious injury. We tried two different professional trainers in our home, medication, behavioral modification, all to no avail.

Here's the hard part. On her own, she was the sweetest, most loving dog. She had a zest for life that was hard to match. She was a joy to watch run across a field chasing the ball over and over and over. People outside our family (I live with my husband) really didn't have any clue how bad things really were for us. We lived for over a year with gates up all over our house to keep her away from our other two dogs, Grimmy (our male) and Fiona (our female). Then one day a friend came over and made a mistake and let her in with our other dogs. Sophie attacked Fiona, and my husband got bit very badly while separating them. For me, that seemed like the final blow. I had to protect my family. So I made the hard decision.

My husband, over emotional soul that he is, would not even come to the vet with me, but I wanted Sophie to have Mommy with her every last second. I felt I owed her that. I know I did the right thing in my heart of hearts because I really felt that she was not a trustworthy dog, even in an only dog home, but now I lay awake at night and just think about her all the time. And I'm just not getting any support from my friends because they really don't "get" how bad our situation really was. Some of them keep asking why I didn't just take her to a shelter. The thing is that I worked at an animal shelter in college and I used to hate people who brought in aggressive animals and wanted us to adopt them out. They almost always got put to sleep. I would rather have Sophie know that I was there with her at the end than some stranger.

At the same time, their words really hurt because I just want someone to tell me I did the right thing and acknowledge that I have the right to feel the pain that I feel at losing her. Because despite her flaws, she still left huge, romping footprints on my heart.

Thanks for reading this all. Any words of encouragement would mean the world to me. I need to find the strength to get off the couch and move on.