My Best Friend..... Options

[Shannon Zitella]

I lost my best friend yesterday, her name is Princess. She was a beautiful black, grey, and brown kitty, she would of been 2 next month. I had no idea she was sick, and i hate myself for not knowing. I adored her. She was my world. I don't have friends, I am a homebody, and she was the only interaction I had and she was spoiled. I spent all my free time with her, when I had to leave, I was so excited to know I was coming home to her. I didn't look at her like a cat, but as my child. As apart of my family.

My cat got out one time in March, and in May had kittens. I loved those babies also like they were my own. It was so tough giving them up, and it made me appreciate my cat more. I should of got her fixed after that, but I didn't. I hate myself now for not doing it while I had a chance. I was so naive and figured "she will never get out, isn't that the point of spaying/neutering an animal?" Why was I so stupid!!?? Well, anyways, I noticed a few weeks ago my baby would lay in the closet or under the chair I sit on with the computer, and not in her regular spots, which I thought was kinda strange, but didn't think much of it. Then she stopped sleeping with me at night, and I noticed she was sleeping in the closet or next to my bed, but not on it. I should of known then something was wrong, but didn't think much of it because she was active, she ate normally, drank normally, used the potty, loved me, did everything normal.

Friday, the 5th, I noticed in the evening she was having... well.. (not trying to be so graphic.... but) discharge. It freaked me out, and I called my sister crying, asking her if she ever heard of this or if I should take her to the vet. She came right over, because she knew how much Princess meant to me. We went to the vet e.r., and they were so rude and unkind. They told me that they felt a lump in her belly, and asked if she had gotten out, because he thought it could be a deceased kitten. He said her x-rays would be over 300 bucks, and jumped into "if you get your cat euthanized, there is an additional charge to be in the room, an additional charge for cremation..." and it just felt like, to me, that he was a money-hungry moron that didn't care about my cat, and to go somewhere else. So I took my kitty the next morning to another vet, one my mother recommended. The woman felt my kittys belly, and knew something was wrong. She informed me of the possibilities of pyometra, or it could be as simple as an infection, but she needed x-rays. At least, if I'm paying 300 bucks for X-Rays, this woman was compassionate and kind, she cared about my kitty.

She brought me back into the x ray area and showed me my babys x rays. it looked awful, it was pyometra, and she informed me that my baby had this issue from the first time she went back into heat after having the kittens. She said an emergency surgery was the only way for survival, she was too far gone for medicine. She said they could not do the surgery, somewhere else would have to, because her office was closing and it would take too long for it. First they quoted me a price for 700, which turned into 800, which turned into 1200, which turned into about 1800 bucks. The doctor informed me that it was so bad, that she was "draining" from her uterus, and when the draining stopped, it would burst, she would become septic, and pass. She said that although she had this problem for some time, the severity it was, that she didn't have a week, much less a weekend. Once it bursts, thats it, and Princess had stopped draining that day.

I couldn't do it. I did not have the money. No one in my family had any sort of sympathy. I begged my sister and mother to help me, 'I will pay you back AND interest' I pleaded. They would not do the surgery without money in their hands. I hate myself for not fighting harder. I keep thinking about how I could of gotten this money. Why didn't I fight harder? I hate myself and it's killing me that I couldn't save her.

I had to put her to sleep. And I hate that the most. She was still physically healthy, at least to me. The doctor says she has been in pain all this time, all these months, but she seemed fine on the outside. Was she wrong? Could she have been wrong? And then my Princess, what was she thinking? If this was a child, I would of fought with everything in me for surgery, I would of sold my possessions, I would of given my everything, but I failed her. They asked me if I wanted to be in the room (and said the other clinic was cruel for wanting to charge for something like that) and I said "NO" because I couldn't see that. I wanted to remember my angel just like she was. I couldn't take her home either. I wanted to give her a burial, but I know myself and I would of looked at her in that box, and it would of messed me up.

I miss her so much. I feel like I have died inside, and I hate that I couldn't save her. I should of sold my car. I should of begged. I should of pleaded. I have been called vicious names because I couldn't do the surgery. "you shouldn't have an animal if you cant afford it".... it haunts me, and I haven't been able to sleep or eat. I can't stop seeing her, I... I lost my soulmate.

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