A Strange Time, I'm afraid to let myself be happy Options

[John S]

This has been a very sad strange summer and now I'm in an even stranger phase of my grief journey. We've had Tucker for a little over six weeks now, he is great, very hyper and aggravating at times but I think he will grow up to be a good dog and I am glad I have him. Now we also have the kitten (the stray I caught) and he has turned out to be such a sweet lovable kitten. Last night he was sleeping curled up on my lap and I realized he has accepted me as his dad and it was a wonderful but sad feeling. I was Nikita's dad; every day for most of her life when I left I would tell her I loved her and would see her later, but I haven't allowed myself to do that with Tucker or the kitten. Last night as I sat there I realized I'm not sure I'm ready to be a pet dad yet, I am afraid. I keep thinking something will happen also my heart still aches for Nik. It is great to have a dog again and to have a kitty curled up on my lap but it has really put me into an emotional tailspin. This summer as been so surreal and now I have a taste of happiness but am afraid to take hold of it. All of this bears greater testimony to the impact of losing Nik has had on my life. I still miss her so much and always will.