Missing Rudy, What he meant to me. Options

[Rudy's Mom]

:( On 8/13/2010 I lost my baby my angel. His name was Rudy. He came into my life unexpected but very welcomed. Just like the birth of my children. I even had symptoms of postpartum depression when I first brought him home. Sitting up at night watching him sleep, making sure he is still breathing. He was jumping on me when I came home for work insisting I pick him up to hug him and him me last Saturday. Sunday he seemed different a little distant no appetite. Monday vomiting weak and depressed. Tuesday off to the vet we go. I left he had to stay. Wednesday the test came back its a 50/50 chance. I can't help crying when I see him. I took pictures of him (did not know why I just did). Thursday he sat up was looking just a little better (is what the vet told me via phone call). Good not wonderful but better than yesterday. I slept and woke without that heavy feeling I had been feeling all week. Friday Ms. Sharps we went in to check on Rudy and he was unresponsive with no heartbeat(me to for a second). Im sorry to tell you he passed away about ten minutes ago.I was at work doing extra time so I could afford to pay for his growing vet bill. This is why I was not there to see him off or maybe just maybe if when he sat up yesterday he was looking for me his mommy. And when I didn't he gave up thinking I did not love and want him anymore. Because this was the only day since he became my baby that we had not seen and embraced each other. Rudy was a soon to be seven month old westie with the heart and eyes of an angel. He came in my life just as he left unexpected. Now I know why I took those pictures of him at the vet, something in his eyes he knew our time was coming to an end, our last embrace, something I see it in his eyes as I look at those pictures. Breaks my heart everytime. I am going thru the guilt phase if you can't tell. I dread walking in or seeing my backyard. The one place we shared some of the best times is the one place that contributed to his death. I live in a inner city neighborhood where our trash days have been cut from twice to once a week. Making a bad enviroment worse. I am speaking of the rats that run rapid thru the backyards and areas where we store our trash from wednesday to wednesday. They leave their feces and urine everywhere. This is what made Rudy ill. What caused his liver and kidneys to shut down. What caused his death. I knew about this happening to people but I did not think of it happening to animals. I am writing this so that maybe if it saves one life may it be animal or human (both are just the same to me), it will make sense of why he came into my life. For more info on zooinic precautions please contact a vet or SPCA. If you live in a area with similar or the same conditions, sanitize your yard daily for your family (two legs or four). Make sure you and your family practice good hand washing. Thanks for listening to my story. This has been very theraputic.