What Do You Do Options

[Nataisa]

Hi,

What do you do to keep yourself busy? It's Sunday and every time I try and think of something to do I just start crying again. I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept getting out of bed, turning the TV on, watching it for ten minutes and then crying and had to find something else to do.
I took a couple of photos of Nataisa yesterday. I had collected her from the vet so I could spend her last few hours with her. I am waiting for the shops to open so I can get those photos printed. I know as soon as I see the photos the tears will start flowing again. I went to the supermarket last night and became tearful as I passed the deli and cat food areas. I have been visiting both shops every 2 days to buy fresh and tinned food to try and motivate Nataisa to eat.
I don’t think I will be able to go to work on Monday. I teach young children and it would be difficult if I started crying in front of the class and I think this is quite likely to happen. Also I may be able to collect her ashes on Monday. I am not sure if this will help. At this stage I really want her ashes here. I found a tiny clump of her hair on the floor last night. She was always leaving hair everywhere.
Maybe I will have a coffee and sit in the corner of a café and view the photos when printed. Later I will probably ask my mum to come over for a roast meal. I really don’t want to be alone but I am crying most of the time, so it is a bit difficult to be with people. Also I don’t really know anyone that understands this type of grief. The people I know have already lacked empathy and have found it difficult to understand the time, money and effort that have been used to support Nataisa. My neighbor knocked on my door yesterday. I tried to explain I was spending Nataisa’s last day with her. She looked bewildered and said, ‘well she’s had a good long life’ and then left .I don’t care that Nataisa was old I still want her here. I just don’t know what to do with myself. These feelings are so painfull. They are so much worse than I thought they would be.
Liz