I Loved My Sissy Cat Options

[sissycat]

I am so glad I found this site. I have cried and cried over the loss of my best friend---Sissy Cat.
I had her for 2 years and 5 days. Her mother was a stray and she had a litter of 3 kittens all girls. Well I had to keep all 4 of them. All were fixed. So have had her family a while. But this one became my really good friend. How long does it take for the pain to go away. Right now it doesn't seem like it ever will. It has only been a few days. (June 5, 2008)
It doesn't help that I partially blame myself for her death. I usually let all the cats outside for a bit at 6 a.m. and let them back in before going to work. This perticular morning my husband herd a cat meowing and thought I had left one outside. I got up to look and it was a stray at my window. It was 4 a.m. and of course they thought it was time to go outside. I let them out early and they were outside for a longer time. I went out to find my precious Sissy had been hit by a car. She had made it back to my driveway and one of the other cats was setting by her side. I was devastated. All kinds of what ifs and whys and could haves and should haves still run through my head.
I miss her terribly!!!!!! She had slept in my bed everynight for almost two years. She would meow at the food bowl even if there was food in it. All she wanted was a few fresh peices droped on top and she would eat. She would only drink out of a cup on the bathroom sink. She would lick my hand when we went to bed at night to let me know she cared. She would be in my lap when it stormed because she was scared.
Maybe I get too attached to my pets. Sissy especially. I loved her so Much!!!!!! I have made pictures of her to put on my computer desk and home and at my work.
I catch myself talking to her at her grave side and sometimes when I look at her pictures. Am I crazy? Does anyone else do these things. I even went and brushed up her fur off the end of my bed and put it in a baggy. I planted purple mums on her grave today and placed a little cross with her name on it there.
I still have 4 cats, but we are not close like me and Sissy were. I am heart broken how do I heal. Will my crying ever stop? I just don't know how i will ever be right again. I can't eat very much cause my stomache stays in knots and I am not sleeping very well. Thank You for listening to my story of Sissy Cat..
SISSY I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!