So Hard, Struggle Options

[bluemoon]

Im sorry I havent been around, we moved house, and got a bit lost in all that.
My heart goes out to all of you that are doing that 1st xmas with your babys gone.
I am struggling so much to keep myself together for the holidays, but each day reminds me of how much I miss my Gizzy.
Hubby and I put the decorations up this week, it was so hard fighting back the tears, Gizzy adored all that, he would jump into all the tinsel and find a bit he took a fancy too, he would drag it around the house. I found the small bit we tied into a loop to put round his collar last year, my heart was breaking. I have wrapped it around the angel's wings. The gifts went under the tree today, he would be so sneaky as he chewed the corners on all of them ! He also new there would be some for him on the tree, and would wait for us to go to bed and climb it, we would get up every morning to find he had opened one. When I think back, I would get angry with him for it, but how I wish he was here to do it now.
I am missing carrying him around the house saying "Look at all the prettys Giz" He loved the shine of Christmas, he would tilt his little head and have that funny smile on his face.
Only a couple more months and it would be a whole year without him. I was told the pain got easier, but I dont think it does. It strange how people have stopped asking how things are now, almost like everyone has forgotten. I am so glad I can come here and have a good cry while typing. Its the one place where I dont feel silly.
Anyway, you are all in my thoughts, and I wish each and every one of you a verry happy Christmas.
Ruth xx