Asia's Rocky Road Is Over, 10/2/07 Options

[asia0508]

Hi. I just wanted to continue from my previous posts in the other forum from a few months ago, I'm sorry i'm can't still write there. Last Tuesday (10/2/07) we finally made the decision (or Asia made it for us) to put Asia to sleep. It was a decision we were battling with for months, trying to gauge her progress with the Lomustine, blood work every week...

She stopped eating, and started losing weight rapidly. I would put other things in her food to tempt her, as she had always been my greedy girl. We went to Florida to visit my father in law who is starting radiation for cancer of the vocal chords. When we came home, I asked our tennent how many good days she had, and there was just one. See, our vet just lost his cat and while trying to council and console me about the indesicion about Asia i was having, he told me that his mom had told him something very comforting. First, that any decision made out of LOVE isn't wrong. Second, that we are so upset when our animals pass because when they die WE take their pain from them onto ourselves and that's why it hurts.

The night after we came home, I woke up throughout the night to hear Asia crying out in pain. I would jump up, pet her and talk to her, and eventually i just lay where I could reach her. She got up and went to the bathroom, where she normally sleeps and stopped crying. The next morning she wouldn't get up for my husband when he left for work. She wouldn't get up a little later with me either. I saw the end looming towards me but had no idea I would get a call at 4 pm from Jay telling me that she was still in the bathroom, but had messed herself and vomited but couldn't get up to get out of it. I rushed home, Curt was already there, sitting on the tub crying. Asia looked at me, then put her head back down. I could hear her wheezing...

I called the vet and they said to come over any time. I knew she wasn't coming home. Lord, if I were in her shoes I would want to be released from my suffering...I could only imagine her life if we tried to "save" her at this point and I saw only more pain and misery.

We stayed with her the whole time, it was the most horrible thing I've ever experienced. I've never cried like that, and now I can't stop. I just start randomly for no reason, at work, watching TV...

I miss her so much and don't know what to do! Why is the world moving on? Why doens't everyone stop what they are doing to mourn her? I don't get it. I dont' know what to do...

Diana