3 Years Today And Still Missing My Girl.... Options

[Kim R.]

I haven't been here in awhile, but I wanted to share some thoughts about Sasha today....it's the 3rd anniversary of her death and I'm missing her so much. I rescued her as a 5 week old puppy from our local shelter when I was only 14 years old and she was with me for 16 wonderful years. I can't believe it's been 3 years today since I last held her. I can still remember how her fur felt, how she smelled, the sound of her 'voice'.....I can't believe I have actually survived this long without her. I sure didn't think it would be possible, but somehow I have. I was so devestated by her death( and the guilt of being the one to decide that it was time), in the beginning, that I thought about joining her. I couldn't remember what life was like without her, and I didn't really want to. I had to accept that she was gone, and try to adjust to my new life without her....it was so, so hard...still is at times....she was...is...my canine soulmate. My special girl that noone will ever be able to compare to. I have other furkids...a Great Dane, 2 cats, 3 horses...but, although my love for them runs deep, they aren't her and it's just not the same. I know in my heart I will never love another like I love her. I still think about her everyday. I still have all of her pictures up...she is still the screen saver on my computer...I still wear my teardrop pendant that holds some of her ashes around my neck every day (I never take it off). <sigh>I miss her so much...
Although my struggle with the grief of losing her has been long and hard (and I'm not anywhere near the finish line) the pain has begun to subside. I still have my 'bad days' when I have cry fests because I miss her so much that it hurts, and I still cry when I hear certain songs, or something sparks a special memory for me, but over the years my tears of pain have been slowly replaced by tears of pride...tears of grat*itude that I was so blessed to have been chosen as her mommy and given 16 long years with my girl....for that I will be eternally grateful. My sister-in-law has never shared her life with an animal (poor girl), and made the remark to me "If this(referring to my level of heartbreak) is what happens when a pet dies, I don't EVER want one...it's not worth it!"...not worth it...to me it is more than worth it....worth every tear, worth every sleepless night, worth every bit of crippling guilt, worth every ounce of pain....and I would do it again a thousand times if given the chance....she was that special...I love her that much....