The Courage To Say Goodbye To Noel & Timber, Cancer Options

[ulualoha]

Hi Everyone,

I am new to this page. I was given this website from the oncology office I visit with my pets. I really need some guidance. I have two kitties that have cancer, and one other one that is suspected of having cancer as well. Timber was the first one diagnosed with it. I have had her 13 years. She has lived in HI, CA, and VA. Last Feb of 2006, I was rubbing her tummy and found a hard bump. I brought her to the vet and she felt the bump and her facial expression said it all, it was bad. I didn't know how bad yet. She suggested we remove it and prepared me for the fact that more than likely it was mammary adenocarcinoma. She went under the knife the and shortly after the biopsy results came back. They confirmed mammary adenocarcinoma. The prognosis was terrible and depended largely on the size of mass. I tried to stay positive. In July, my kitty Blue Eyes unexpectly passed away. I found him in the process of dying and we tried to rush him to the ER but he died in my arms on the way there. I have never felt such pain. He was a beautiful boy.

Fast forward to August, Timber was still around but the next mass showed it's ugly head. Again, I opted to have the mass removed. The mass was removed successfully but again the grim statistics followed. In September I was told her kidneys were failing. That I could change her diet and give her fluids and it might keep her around longer. I decided to try that option. I drove her diligently every day to the vet for her fluids. It paid off, her numbers started to improve and I thought I was out of the woods.


In the meantime, I noticed my other kitty Noel was throwing up a lot and losing weight. Noel is Timber's baby. I finally brought her to the vet. They did bloodwork and that came back normal. Next they wanted to do a chest xray. Her chest xray showed fluid in the lungs. I was told to get an ultrasound. I decided to do it. The next day I met with the cardiologist that was going to perform the ultrasound. She let me observe the ultrasound. She showed me that there was a tumor at the base of the heart. They wanted to do a biopsy. I agreed. The results came back nonconclusive. I felt at a loss. I decided to call veterinary schools and was referred to Veterinary Cancer Group. I was able to get an appointment with Dr Rosenberg who is the CEO and founder. I felt hopeful when she told me that 75% of lymphoma patients go into remission which is what she suspected Noel had. She decided to treat it that way when the labs she did also came back nonconclusive. So off I went, driving weekly to her appointments which were an hour away.


Thanksgiving day, I noticed she was having trouble breathing. I rushed her to the ER and learned that fluid filled her lungs. I had them drain it. She recovered and was fine. The next day I brought her back to the vet to be checked. They said she was dehydrated and wanted to give her fluids. I agreed. I had trouble sleeping that night and eventually dozed off on the sofa. For whatever reason, I woke early in the morning to find Noel breathing opened mouth. I grabbed her and ran to the ER again. They had to drain fluid again. Again she recovered.


In the meantime, I noticed Timber was breathing quite loudly. I was concered about it and brought her to the vet. They did an xray and found the cancer had spread to her lungs. I decided to bring her to see the vet and try to get her some chemo. The prognosis was terrible, 40% of her living greater than 1 month. Nonetheless, I decided it was worth it. So every week I drive both Timber and Noel to their chemo. A short time later I learned Timber's levels came back in a good range. I could do the fluids 3/week. The chemo for her is very complicated because most treatments could damage the progress we made for her kidneys. The doctors have been very cautious.


Recently I was told Noel was in remission. I was so overjoyed and felt it was all worth the stress, missed work, expense, everything. But then all of a sudden she started throwing up and acting so lethargic. I brought her in and was told it was a reaction to chemo. I left and just let her be. I noticed she seemed to be getting worse so I decided to take her temp. She had a fever. I was in a bad spot though because it was on the weekend and the oncologist is not open on Sundays. I had to bring her to the ER. Long story short, they decided she needed to be hospitalized. Her white blood cell count had dropped dangerously low. After a few days, they told me she was back on track and I could take her home. I took her and within hours of getting home, she slipped again into a bad place. I brought her back and they decided to rehospitalize her. She finally normalized and went home with me. However, she kept throwing up. Several more visits to the vet and I found out her red blood cell count was dropping. Syringe feeding is not working. They think the cancer is back. She has been lethargic all weekend, not moving not interactive. Each time I syringe feed her, she vomits it all back up either right away or hours later. I can't bear to see her this way. Timber also seems to have taken a turn for the worse with her breathing.


So in a very long winded way, I need help, the courage, the strength, the forgiveness to set them free. Logically I know it's the right thing to do for them both but my heart way over rules my brain and not in a logical capacity. If anyone has any words of wisdom, I would greatly appreciate it. I don't know how to let them go and still not feel like a murderer. If you are still reading, thank you for taking the time to read my post. I apologize about my posting..I am new on here and just did the basics.



Thanks,

Terri in CA