Feeling Guilty, Because I'm not grieving Options

[Emily's Mom]

What is wrong with me? I had to say goodbye to my baby Misty Sept. 12th and
I've only cried 3 times since leaving the vet. I miss her terribly and at times I find myself calling her name but I can't grieve. This time it's so different. It seems like I was more emotional when I put Emily down. I don't know if it's because I knew that at her age it was inevitable that I would lose her .

I did go to the Dr. in July after 2 months of trying to cope with the loss of Emily and alot of other personal problems and got on Paxil CR. I wonder if it's because of the anti depressants.I have been working alot too. My last day off was last Weds. so I wonder if maybe I haven't had time to accept the idea.

The tears don't come like they did before. I feel like such a lousy Mom because I'm not grieving the way I should. It's so unfair to Misty because she deserves so much more than this. Maybe I haven't accepted the fact that she is gone yet. I don't understand what is wrong with me. Is this normal? I wonder if that will change when I pick her up Sat. to take her to be cremated. I am starting to feel so guilty because I feel like I'm being disloyal to Misty.

Please somebody tell me what is wrong with me.