Longing For Him Options

[jenn]

I've always wondered when I'd find another little sign that Freeway used to live here... Its seemed as though his presence has slowly faded away.. his fur is all gone... his smell... His stuff all put away... Then today, I moved our bar fridge into my bedroom... And underneath it was a piece of a bone... He used to leave little pieces everywhere... I know it was a bone he had not too long before his death, because I changed the brand I fed him when he got sick for easier digestion. I wonder how long he tried to get that piece before he gave up and decided it was lost under the fridge... I wonder if perhaps it's a little sign to me that his presence is still here, just not in physical form.

I moved his spot today as well. The table with his urn and all his favorite things used to sit where the fridge now is. Now, he is right beside me as I type. I felt funny moving him... I felt like I was disturbing him... I imagined as I dusted his urn that he was getting upset with me, as he would have in life if I bothered him.. He hated baths, hated being brushed.. just liked to be left alone, he didn't mind being dirty or having matted fur. Eventually, I learned to keep his fur good and short... he was more comfortable this way, and his fur was easier to take care of...

Oh, how I long for my baby right now!!! My broken heart has not had any time to heal, my soul still searches for him, my body still longs to feel him near me... I stay so busy and try to act so strong, but I am now a shattered soul. Part of me is gone and I can't ever replace it.

Thank you to all who read.. I merely needed an outlet... I must now take my teary eyes and get back to work... But first, I will add the piece of the bone to the one I found 2 days after he died... No other canine will ever feast upon them. They are forever his.