Buster, Bereavement Options

[Susanna]

My huge tabby/white tom cat was killed on the road outside my house, on Sunday 18th September 2005 at approximately 11:00 a.m. Buster never went near the road before... he had no need too... Buster was too intelligent and knew to avoid the road, but something must have spooked him... To this day, I will never know exactly what happened.
I live in the Countryside in England with my long term Partner. My house is located next to a meadow, where my beloved Buster used to go, if he wanted to hunt. Living in the country is a lonely life, the only time I meet up with other people is when I work during the week, my Partner works away alot, so when I finish work at the office I like to get in my car and drive home, to the company of my cat, Buster. Buster was no ordinary cat... he was like my child... we connected in a way, I have never experienced with any other animal. When I got home from work, he would wait by the door and greet me with his loving gaze and his cat version of a bouncy 'hello'... He loved it when I went grocery shopping, as he knew that I would have a special treat for him. When I did the cooking, he would sit in his high, perching stool and watch me. Every aspect of my homelife, included my cat... He was my reason to want to go home... The happiness we shared together was that of pure contentment... I was never lonely when I had Buster... The long Summer evenings, Buster used to follow me from the house to the edge of the garden, where the meadow starts... We'd sit on the bench overlooking the meadow and watch the deer.... Me, with my glass of wine and Buster, with his fish sticks.... Buster had the most perfect life, ever given to a cat!
Buster was loved by everyone, he was a huge bundle of love with an exceptional personality. He didn't have a nasty temperiment like some animals do. He was a relaxed, layed back cat, with so much love to give. If I was working from home, I would sit in my office/study and Buster sit beside me and gaze at me... if he wanted attention, he would continue to tap my leg until I gave in. He loved the contentment of laying curled up on my knees, whilst I struggled to reach the computer to continue with my work... I never minded, I loved the affection and the unconditional love we shared.... My house was a home when he was alive, now it's an empty shell... Each room echoes different, beautiful memories... I can't bear to go home... I can't bear that he was so cruely struck down... I never ever wanted him to know what it was like to feel cruelty or pain, but I fear that his last moments may have been painful...
On Sunday morning, Buster should have been curled up with me in bed, watching a movie, like he usually did. My Partner got up to let Buster outside, to go to the toilet. My Partners Son was staying the weekend and was outside playing football around the same time as Buster was killed. It was my Partner who told me that Buster had been killed.... My Partner brought Busters body round to the side of the house and when I saw him, I was inconsolable. His body was still warm and there was slight blood on his lip, otherwise he looked like he was sleeping... I lifted him in my arms and cradled him close to my heart... at that point, I wanted to wake up and find that this was a terrible nightmare.. but it wasn't... I wrapped Buster's lifeless body in a clean towel and continued to cradle him, until my Partner eventually took him from my arms.
Buster was buried under the hazel nut tree in the garden. A place he loved to sit, where he got shade from the son. I have placed a soft chair by his grave, so I can sit in the evenings to be close to him... I feel that I have lost a child, a wonderful companion....