I Feel Like I Killed My Cat, Indoor-outdoor dilema Options

[lunasmom]

Dear all,

I have never participated in something like this before, but I feel so terrible that I had to do something.
Four years ago I bought a run down house in a rural area. I felt able to have a cat again for the first time in
a while. I brought home an all white kitten from the local feed store. Her name was Luna aka "White Monster".
I loved Luna with all of my being. She was not a restful cat, however. I intended that she would be an inside only cat, since I am aware of the dangers of the outdoors.

This is the crux of my horrible situation. Luna was the most vocal, restless cat that I have ever had. She just HAD to go outside. (she was spayed) My husband and I wrestled with this for a long time and eventually caved in and would let
her go out for part of the day. Every day as I would drive home from work I had an image of my dear baby dead in the road. Yet, I still let her go out when she demanded it. We live in a rural area on 2 acres in the Northwest. There is
a creek on our property that she loved to hang out at and watch the little birds that perched in the tall grass.

Yesterday morning when we were leaving for work (4:30 in the morning...it was still dark) We saw our dearest baby
lying on her back in the road in our headlights. She was still warm, but very dead. I feel like I failed her in every way.
Even though she wanted to be outside, I should never have let her. My husband and I just want to die.

This house was more hers than ours. Luna had a personality that was so dominant that she ran our lives, and the lives
of our neighboring cats as well. Every inch of our house reminds us of our baby. How can we go on?