Not Ready To Face The Truth, 4 weeks without our baby Options

[jane]

Our baby, our 7 month old kitten, disappeared just over 4 weeks ago. I have gone through every stage -- deep grief, anger, feeling better and then crying for days etc. I know it's practically impossible now that he is alive. The thought of his sweet soft little body lying somewhere kills me. did he suffer? Did he wonder why his mom didn't protect him as she promised to do?

Yet I still cannot give up hope that he is out there somewhere. My husband says he realized a few days ago that he was still looking for him, and had a good cry and accepted that he's gone. I can say "he's gone" or "he's dead" but I cannot stop hoping to see him every time I look through the window or open the door -- I even have a moment of anticipation when I arrive home from work, hoping he'll be there. I know if we had a ceremony of some sort, perhaps burying something of his, it might bring closure, but I can't bring myself to do it. I think if there's a slim chance of him being out there, my thinking of him will bring him home. Yet if his little spirit has passed on, is my longing for him keeping him from peace?

Jane