On Getting Another Pet, never a replacement...my story Options

[Susie]

Hi,
I lost my beloved Clay, a Maine coon cat mix, only 2 yrs old, killed by a predator in our backyard, on Feb 1st. We adopted him at 9 mos so we only had him a short time. I loved him with all my heart. He was unique in so many ways. I felt all the emotions, from guilt to sadness to deep grief. He was one quarter of my family, since it consisted of me,my husband, and our 2 cats. Feb 1st was one of the worst days of my life. Now, instead of wanting to hurry home from work, I didnt want to go home. It was too quiet and lonely there. There were too many memories. His toys were everywhere. Everything I did had a memory associating Clay with it. He was a real character, and "helped" me do everything from making dinner to watching tv with me in the evening.
I had heard that its not a good idea to get a new pet right away usually, but its an individual thing, and everyone is different. In years past, when I had lost pets, I had waited 1-3 months before seeking another one. I just felt so sad inside, and empty, and was sad seeing my Sophie cat look out the window, and just lie around the house in a depressed state. I felt guilty when I first checked out a shelter near my home online. I secretly prayed to Clay, asking for his understanding, that I was so sad, and I knew he wouldnt want me that way, and that he wasnt that quickly replaced or forgotten about, but maybe there was another kitty out there that needed a home and some love, just waiting to be found. I spent several days looking online, and each time I would feel less shaky and guilty about it. I wondered if it was too soon to visit the shelter, and if I could handle my emotions once I got there. I thought I would try. My husband joined me.
Well, I was kind of shaky when I got there, and it took alot of courage to walk in the cat room past all the cages. At one point I broke down in tears for a moment, just wishing I didnt have to do this, that if only I had my Clay back, that he was the perfect pal, and I was angry. But then a little kitty with fluffy calico fur, with some coon cat mix in her, caught my eye. She was 9 yrs old, and I thought about her age and how anyone adopting her would be going through the grieving process sooner, probably, than if they adopted a younger cat. But I also wondered how many people had walked by her cage thinking she was too old to adopt. I wondered how many times people went for the kittens and young cats instead of giving her a chance. I asked to have some one-on-one time with her in a quiet room and after that, there was no turning back. We brought her home yesterday, and at first she was very shy and timid. So far she and Sophie are just looking at each other from afar. I hope they will be company for each other, if not playmates, although she does seem pretty spry for her age. By bedtime she was coming out of her shell. During the night she roamed around, and even woke me up in the night, knocking something off a table. (Oh well!). And she got in bed with me for 5 minutes, and purred, and accepted my pats. She is a beautiful loving cat and I love her and I think she is helping me in the healing process. I am still grieving my loss of Clayton. No kitty will ever take his place, but having someone new to love and to take care of, and to love me back, is giving me a reason to go home at night once again. Clay, whereever you are, I miss you baby boy. I love you and wish you were back here in my arms. But I cant bring you back and I know you would want your Mom to be happy again. I'm a long way from happy, but Im going to be okay. You always are a part of me, and in my heart. No new kitty will change that, or can one replace you ever. Susie (Clay's Mom)