Will It Ever Get Better? Options

[cheechs mom]

Hello,
I am new here. I lost my baby nine days ago today. Cheech was my precious golden Labrador,who I had for nine wonderful years. I never spent a single night away from him in all that time, untill the night before he died. He was so full of life, huge appetite as always, bouncing with joy, playing with his brother Freddy the Jack Russell. He never told us he was ill,until two days before,when he became sick. We brought him to a local vet, who said he had gastric flu, and gave him a shot, two days later when he was no better, we brought him to the animal hospital, they knew straight away what to look for, and after tests, they discovered he had diabetes and a severely damaged liver. They did all they could for him, but the vet warned us that he was very ill. The next morning,Wed.Jan 14th, they rang to say he had died at 10am. I have never experienced pain like this. I loved him so much,he was my Baby. He would have been sitting with me right now, because he never liked to leave my side. I feel as though my heart has been torn from my body. And I feel such pain, that after all the years his Mommy wasn't with him at the end. I find it a struggle to get out of bed in the morning, and get through the day. I dont see sunshine anymore just clouds. Will it ever get any better?

[Annette]

Dear Cheech mom:

I am very sorry for your loss. It is a very bad time for you right now, and I deeply sympathize with you. It feels so raw and painful that it seems that nobody ever experienced this anguish before, and nobody could possibly relate to your sorrow. I think most of us on this site experienced such similar feelings. It felt so empty, and so unfair, that it physically hurts you inside. And of course, all the doubts about what could have you done, and if you only would do thit and that, and if you only would be more perseptive, or find different vet... And then all the most vivid memories about what would you do this particular time of the day, and where your Cheech would sit, and all the little things and details, but only he is not there...

If that sounds familiar, you are not alone, although I know, probably, it is not much help for you right now. You'll go through the journey of your mourning, and I will not tell you that it will get better, not now. Cheech image will be with you, and for now it would be more painful. Then they say it will be more cheerful memories, but I am not there yet, and it has been two years already.