My Beloved Noah Options

[moon_beam]

At 1:52 a.m. I received a call from Noah's overnight physician from the ER hospital. A "quick" ultrasound was done on Noah at some point after I left visiting him, and fluid was found in his abdomen. A sample of the fluid was taken which showed definite bacteria - - which means something in my precious Noah's abdomen was perforated or leaking. This is always considered a surgical emergency, which I approved.

At 2:20 a.m. the surgeon called me to let me know that there was nothing she could do for my precious Noah. His stomach had ruptured from multiple tumors and there was nothing but dead tissue in place of his stomach. The only thing that could be done for him was to mercifully transition him from this earthly realm. She agreed that she could keep Noah comfortable under anesthesia until I arrived to be with him when the drugs were administered. I arrived at the hospital around 3:20 a.m., and around 3:30 a.m. Noah joined his beautiful sibling baby sister Abbygayle and adopted big kitty brother Eli in heaven's perfect garden.

Needless to say my heart is aching right now and the tears are flowing, but there are so many things I am thankful for - - one of them having had the honor and privilege of being his human caregiver all the 14 years of his sweet physical life. I will get a pawprint and his ashes back sometime within the next week.

I want to thank each of you for your comforting support during this time of great sorrow,

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[moon_beam]

It amazes me every day how much of my day revolved around my beloved Noah's needs. It never seemed like much while he was physically with me - - but now my days, and nights, are so empty - - barren. This is a very difficult adjustment - - everything I do is a constant reminder of my beloved Noah's physical absence - - constantly filled with the reminders of the "first withouts." I didn't know last Christmas was our last one together - - every day is a reminder of the "last times" with my beloved Noah's physical presence with me. How do I look forward to a "new year" when my beloved Noah is not physically here to share it with me? I see the squirrels outside the big door windows and tears come to my eyes as my beloved Noah isn't physically here to excitedly watch them as they search for their food. What used to be so enjoyable to watch is now painful - - literally feeling like a knife piercing my heart with deepest sorrow. Living here used to be fun, but that has now forever changed. I keep remembering the BeeGee's song that had a refrain "Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again." The happiness that once thrived in this home is no longer here. RIght now I'm not so sure my heart can be mended this time - - I can't help wondering if the rest of my life will just be going through the motions of "living" again. Perhaps by spring the misery of this deep grief will have lifted and I will begin to have something to look forward to. Faith is the thing hoped for -- the evidence of things not seen. And so I must hold onto hope and "keep the faith" that this deep grief will eventually pass - - and that I will be able to live again with a happy heart once again.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam