My Sweet Boy Micki Passed Away Options

[MaximusM]

Hi everyone. Been scrolling the pages and the stories on this forum since Sunday. Summed up my courage to write my story of extreme grief and guilt that I am experiencing since last Saturday when my sweetest dog Micki passed from acute pancreatitis that he was diagnosed on Friday. As painful as it is for me to express, here's how my story went those hardest 2 days that led him to pass away from a cardiac arrest.
It all started on Friday morning when I woke up to get ready for work. Opening the door to my room I saw my second furry friend a chihuahua next to my bedroom door, which was very inusual because they both slept in the same bed every night for the pas 3 years. Right away i realised that something had happenes. I rushed downstairs to witness that my boy puked all over the first floor. And he was feeling extremely guilty for that. I comforted him that it was ok and he has nothing to be worried about and told him that I will get him help right away. This was the realisation of my biggest worry because couple of days before he raided our trash can and ate scraps that i threw in the can the night before. Right away I started to regret the dicision I made not to rush him to the hospital since he was perfectly fine for the next 2 days that followed (eating, drinking, playing, walking, and all the other sweet things he loves to do). So extremely worried within 10 min of witnessing that sight we were at the veterenary office. As he already had a pancreatitis case 4 years before I knew the symptoms and described them to the doctor. They took him for diagnosis and 20 min later it was pronounced that he had the pancreatitis. So they started the anti vomit injection and anti dehydration. I also asked them for pain killers and they prescribed him morphine based one. When we got home I followed the strict vet guidelines as to how to give him water. But something was wrong. My baby couldnt lay down or to sit and the whole Friday I was by his side trying to help him lay down to relax but he just couldnt because the tummy pain was extreme that even the pain killers werent helping. So in the evening my suffering at looking at him in pain became unvearable( it was eating me alive seeing him in such a pain), that when my wife got home from work we took him to the emergency hospital. They told us to leave him there for 48 hours so that he can get the IV and pain killer injections theough blood. When they bring him out so that we can say goodbye to him and that we will see him tomorrow, his eyes looked at me as if he was feeling betraid and abandonned. I had to fight through my feelings and force myself to leave him there thinking that he will get the reqyired treatment over night. That night getting home I called the hospital to see if they started his treatment and that he can now sit down. So it calmed me down knowing that my baby is feeling better and after a stressful day i went to bed and fell asleep not even realising that this was the last time i saw my furry best friend alive.
The next morning at 8 I was awaken from a phone call. It was the doctor. She started the conversation by saying the he was getting better theough the night BUT in the last 15 min his health deteriorated rapidly and that he needs a plasma transfusion. I lost my speech as different thaughts were going through my mind. I told them I will be there in an hour (they are located far from me). So I rushed to my car and was driving there. When there we only 15 min left to get there the phone rang and it was the same doctor saying that micki had a cardiac arrest and they are trying to bring him back. They placed me in a room while they were fighting for his life and after the 3rd cardiac arrest I told the doctor that I cannot continue to torture my baby like that and told them to stop. I went to see him on the table and bursed in tears to see hos lifeless body laying there covered with a towel. I asked them to take the body home and buried him in his favorite place below maple tree in my back yard. Placed his favorite toys, snacks, his leash and his pillow for him to enjoy on the other side.
Right now we are all devastated, saddened, in my family. The pain of not having him with us is so hard to bare. I started to blame myself that I should have taken that garbage out the same night. Basically replaying every decision I made looks wrong to me. And the pain of loosing my sweet boy due to my mistake is unbearable.
Micki was 6 years old. He was my only friend that truly loved me before I met my wife. I am currently trying to sooth the pain of my second baby girl so that she doesnt suffer without his presence but everything we do right now (naps, food, backyard potty breaks) reminds me of him . Everything I do now is firat time without my beatiful boy. I will stop writing now as the feeling are overwhelming me right now.

[MaximusM]

Hi moon_beam thank you for your kind words. Today I am feeling better. I have left my second furry friend at my mother in law for a day as I feel I am not providing her enough attention and deserved love because everytime I look at her the memories of sweet Micki come out and tears overflow the eyes. Tomorrow will be exactly one week since he first showed the sickness symptoms and I am afraid that the depression will be overwhelming. I have created a new routine right now in order to ease the pain of the loss abit. Since when we moved to our new house a year ago, I always rushed home from work to let them both out for their evening bathroom break. Now I rush to work so that I can sit down next to his little grave and share our memories together for couple of minutes. I have read a poem yesterday "rainbow bridge" and it comforted me knowing that when it will be my time he will be right there waiting for me.

[LittleGirl's...]

Hi MaximusM,

I'm so sorry to hear of the physical loss of your sweet Micki. I lost my cat Mariah to pancreatitis in 1998, due to circumstances that I blamed myself for for many years. I finally realized she did not want me to do that. I've done some letter writing over the years--from me to her, from her to me, and that is one thing that has helped.

You are so right that if it had been you who had passed, you would not want Micki blaming himself for anything! He loves you and always will. And you're right that you'll be fully reunited when it is your time to pass.

I do believe that he is right there with you--and doing whatever he wants, since there are no time/space restrictions in his blissful realm. And he'll only ever know bliss.

You're so kind to look out so lovingly for your other dog.

I hope you check in and let us know how you are. Sending prayers of healing your way!

Kathy