My Little Lulu Options

[Lulusmom]

Hello,
Thank you for letting me join your forum.

I lost my dog, Lulu, on February 11, 2017. She was the most adorable 5.5lb 11 year old Yorkshire Terrier and she was my life. She had been having some issues with coughing from a collapsed trachea and kidney issues and had been misdiagnosed with congestive heart failure for about a month until I took her to a new vet. She also had a bout with hemorrhagic gastroenteritis on the day after Christmas 2016 but was hospitalized and recovered very well from that. All in all, her collapsed trachea and her kidney disease were being managed successfully and she had just had an echocardiagram on February 6, 2017 in which the specialist ruled out heart disease as a cause for her cough. He did recommend we restart her on Enalapril to ward off any congestive heart failure for the future. We had a narcotic cough suppressant on order for her coughing. So after months of back and forth to different vets and resolving and/or managing her issues, we had hope that she was on the right medical path and she was happy and eating well. She was doing some coughting but that would be resolved when we got the new medication.

We went to bed on the night of February 10, 2017 and Lulu was shaking a bit and breathing a little heavy but this was not unusual because she would get scared of the weather or outside noise frequently. When we got in bed she settled down and we went to sleep. When I woke up the next morning she had passed away in her sleep. The vets think it was some fatal arrythmia or a blood clot because of how fast she passed. She looked so peaceful and there was no indication that she struggled in any way. The vets assured me after a very stressful time that it was nothing that I did or didn't do and even if I had witnessed whatever happened to her, I would not have been able to save her.

I am completely devastated and crying as I write this. Lulu was the love of my life and my first dog. She was never alone because when I went to work my Mom watched her. She was like a human to us and a big part of our family. Every day I woke up to her little face it made me smile and grateful to have her in my life. I was always kissing her and telling her I loved her throughout the day. She was everything to me and now I feel so lonely and lost without her. I keep remembering her wherever I go and even though I am trying to keep busy with work and other routine things, not a minute of my waking day goes by that I don't think of her and miss her. I also wonder why this had to happen when we just got her medical care under control and all indications were that she would be with us for some time yet.

I am really not sure how to cope with this loss and the grief books that I have read have not really helped. As the days go by, my grief seems to be getting worse. If you have any advice for me I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks,
Colleen (Lulusmom)

[moon_beam]

Hi, Colleen, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief. Indeed, during the deep grief we continue on with our daily routines - - jobs get done, chores are done, meals are prepared and eaten, but nothing is the same because we are functioning on what I call "automatic pilot" - - everything that used to interest us, make us laugh, etc., seems no longer relevant because we are missing a vital member of our family who made everything we do enjoyable -- and now that joy is no longer physically with us. We are now faced with the incredible challenge of reinventing our lives to a "new normal" that is always painfully aware that your beloved Lulu is no longer physically with you.

I promise you, Colleen, it will not always be this way, but for now you need to take one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, and allow yourself the opportunites to openly grieve for your beloved Lulu - - even if you must find a private place away from other people to do so.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Colleen, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Lulu's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam