Losing My Best Friend Of 23 Years. I'm In So Much Pain. Options

[Journogirl]

Sleep tight my beautiful angel Marmite. 23 years old, my best friend since I was 10. It's been an epic love affair ❤️ This little this angel has looked after me through these past decades, through good times and bad-broken hearts, broken bones, illness, family changes, ups, downs & 3 different houses. Whatever went down in life ( recently a painful divorce for me) my little black and white baby was there with so much love...following me all over and giving me so much joy. She was such a personality & such a happy vocal little soul. (my neighbour 2 doors down could even hear her meow! SO LOUD!) These past few weeks it was my turn to look after her, feed her by hand, and cuddle her tired old little aching bones. Oh Marms, I just wanted you around forever 😕 there's no cat better than you my darling-my little feline best pal, what a beautiful brilliant little angel. You brought so much happiness to us all. We'll all miss you so much my angel ❤️ Sleep tight precious, I'll miss you every second of every single day.

It hurts so so much. The aching in my heart and soul is so epic that I want to tear my heart out. I'm just heartbroken.
I've raised marmite since she was 6 weeks old and I was 10. She thought I was her mother. I was.
The pain is so much. I just miss her so so much. I loved her so deeply.
I had to make the choice to have her put to sleep, I have guilt and so many unanswered questions. Was it the right thing?
Should i have bought her home? It hurts so much. I miss her so much. I feel so lonely now. My heart is broken.

I wrote this poem. I hope it can help some of you lovely people here. We are all hurting.

We may not have tomorrow,
But do not say goodbye,
For I am all around you,
I do not tell a lie.
I'm the sunrise in the morning,
The sun that sets at night.
I'm the birdsong in the treetops
I'm the early morning light

Wherever you go, I'll go
And I'll hold you by the hand,
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm the footprints in the sand.

You'll never have to leave me
And we'll never have to part
For my love is all around you
And you'll carry me in your heart.

Sleep tight Angel marmite. My life was beautiful for having you as my beloved baby ***

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Journogirl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief when you share with us "Yet now I keep thinking, " I wish I had brushed her more" or stroked her more ( even though I did so much) I wish I hadn't snapped sometimes when she meowed so loud... This guilt eats me up. Is it normal?" Indeed, this is very normal. Unfortunately the emotion of guilt / remorse is one of the harder emotions to reconcile because we are so emotionally vulnerable when we are in deep grief. Hopefully in time as you travel you grief adjustment journey you will come to find a peace in your heart that you gave your beloved Marmite a happy, healthy earthly journey - - a journey filled with love that is eternal.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Journogirl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Marmite's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Journogirl]

Hi, Journogirl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief when you share with us "Yet now I keep thinking, " I wish I had brushed her more" or stroked her more ( even though I did so much) I wish I hadn't snapped sometimes when she meowed so loud... This guilt eats me up. Is it normal?" Indeed, this is very normal. Unfortunately the emotion of guilt / remorse is one of the harder emotions to reconcile because we are so emotionally vulnerable when we are in deep grief. Hopefully in time as you travel you grief adjustment journey you will come to find a peace in your heart that you gave your beloved Marmite a happy, healthy earthly journey - - a journey filled with love that is eternal.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Journogirl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Marmite's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thankyou so much. I feel heartbroken and lonely without her. I'm trying to keep busy and have rearranged my living room as it hurt so much to see where she would sleep up on the sofa. She was so little she loved to be up high
I made a little collage. She was so beautiful
Thankyou for your love, support and care. It means so much
X

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[Journogirl]

Thankyou so much. I feel heartbroken and lonely without her. I'm trying to keep busy and have rearranged my living room as it hurt so much to see where she would sleep up on the sofa. She was so little she loved to be up high
I made a little collage. She was so beautiful
Thankyou for your love, support and care. It means so much
X

I miss you so much my beautiful girl ***

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[LittleGirl's...]

Journogirl, I'm so sorry for the physical loss of your girl !

She'll always be with you, and she knows how very much you love her.

I feel for you and all of us here about the guilt thing. Those feelings still eat me up. I agree that it's a cruel thing the brain does and I don't understand "why."

You're in my prayers. Do you have supportive friends/family/other pets who are going through this with you?

Big hugs,
Kathy

I miss you so much my beautiful girl ***