My Little Lulu Options

[Lulusmom]

Hello,
Thank you for letting me join your forum.

I lost my dog, Lulu, on February 11, 2017. She was the most adorable 5.5lb 11 year old Yorkshire Terrier and she was my life. She had been having some issues with coughing from a collapsed trachea and kidney issues and had been misdiagnosed with congestive heart failure for about a month until I took her to a new vet. She also had a bout with hemorrhagic gastroenteritis on the day after Christmas 2016 but was hospitalized and recovered very well from that. All in all, her collapsed trachea and her kidney disease were being managed successfully and she had just had an echocardiagram on February 6, 2017 in which the specialist ruled out heart disease as a cause for her cough. He did recommend we restart her on Enalapril to ward off any congestive heart failure for the future. We had a narcotic cough suppressant on order for her coughing. So after months of back and forth to different vets and resolving and/or managing her issues, we had hope that she was on the right medical path and she was happy and eating well. She was doing some coughting but that would be resolved when we got the new medication.

We went to bed on the night of February 10, 2017 and Lulu was shaking a bit and breathing a little heavy but this was not unusual because she would get scared of the weather or outside noise frequently. When we got in bed she settled down and we went to sleep. When I woke up the next morning she had passed away in her sleep. The vets think it was some fatal arrythmia or a blood clot because of how fast she passed. She looked so peaceful and there was no indication that she struggled in any way. The vets assured me after a very stressful time that it was nothing that I did or didn't do and even if I had witnessed whatever happened to her, I would not have been able to save her.

I am completely devastated and crying as I write this. Lulu was the love of my life and my first dog. She was never alone because when I went to work my Mom watched her. She was like a human to us and a big part of our family. Every day I woke up to her little face it made me smile and grateful to have her in my life. I was always kissing her and telling her I loved her throughout the day. She was everything to me and now I feel so lonely and lost without her. I keep remembering her wherever I go and even though I am trying to keep busy with work and other routine things, not a minute of my waking day goes by that I don't think of her and miss her. I also wonder why this had to happen when we just got her medical care under control and all indications were that she would be with us for some time yet.

I am really not sure how to cope with this loss and the grief books that I have read have not really helped. As the days go by, my grief seems to be getting worse. If you have any advice for me I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks,
Colleen (Lulusmom)

[moon_beam]

Hi, Colleen, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Lulu. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion unexpectedly intensifies the grief.

Colleen, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey. There are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process or make it automatically disappear. Instead, it is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and trying to reconcile all the whys, what ifs and if onlys that haunt and torture our hearts at a time when we are so emotionally vulnerable.

The good news in the midst of all this grief is that love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Lulu's sweet Living Spirit continues to be a part of your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Lulu with us, Colleen. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of her with us - - but only if / when you want to. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, and that you are in my thoughts and prayers. And please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam