I'm Lost For Words Options

[Barronk]

About a year ago, I wrote on this forum when we lost our 18 year old Boston Terrier. I thank everyone that took the time to respond, send messages of hope and comfort. I can tell you with no doubt, that my wife and I were touched at the compassion
and the caring of everyone on this forum.

After Abby died we were left with our Dobie and my other Boston Terrier. Now, it appears that our Dobie, who is only 5 years old might have just met that dragon called cancer. She fractured her leg
2 months ago after she was chasing a rabbit. She screamed in pain so I scooped her up and took her directly to the vet. They took xrays, and it was fractured, but otherwise no big deal. They put
her in a splint and then we took her home. After 2 months we took her back to be x-rayed again to see if we could take the cast off. Everything looked good and then the cast was taken off, we took her
home, excited at the prospect of taking her out into the fields so we could throw those magical green tennis balls she loves so much.

Once the cast was taken off she was still really swollen. I was concerned but I was told this was normal and it could take 6 to 12 months for the swelling from the injury to disappear quickly. So we didn't worry
so much. And then, for some reason, my wife seemed to think the swelling was increasing. We figured it was a minor infection from all the rubbing that occurred while in the cast. They asked us to
come back in and for some reason they decided to x-ray again. The bone is growing in weird ways and we suddenly were told that she may have osteosarcoma. A deadly cancer that she won't survive.

I am at a loss for words at this moment. My Dobie is only 5 years old, and through multiple x-rays while every specialist we have seen suspects cancer none can make a diagnosis. Now we have to risk
a bone biopsy, which could result in further injury and possible amputation of her leg. She is so young and has so much life left to live. To think that I only have another 7 to 12 months with her at best
has destroyed me. I weep as I write this and since we have received the news I have condemned her to death already. I am so depressed and don't know what to do. I hope for good news but I know
that no good news is coming.

She is 5 and while it pains us to do it we have decided, if we get a cancer diagnosis, we are fighting the good fight. I feel I owe it to her to do everything in my power to give her the best life possible.
The only ray of sunshine that we keep trying to grab too, is that osteosarcoma is very painful, and she isn't in any pain, she won't use the foot but we were told that is not surprising since she
has not used it in 2 months and a lot of her muscle has atrophied. I take her up hills as part of her at home therapy and she uses the foot fine. She dosnt whine or show any indication of being in
pain.

I am praying for another explanation. If there isn't one then Sadie may not have long. And I don't know how to cope with this type of diagnosis.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and giving me an outlet for my depression.

[Barronk]

Sadie has begun the decline. The tumors are growing scary fast and she is showing signs that life is beginning to get painful. Today was the first day that we set food in front of her and she only ate
about 3/4 of her food. Very unlike her and a sign that something is very wrong. I don't even think she will make it to Christmas. I am so incredibly sad that I am having a hard time coping with
the emotions. The emptiness of this house is going to be numbing. Her presence missing from this home is going to be numbing. I fear that I won't be able to function, I fear I won't be able to even
go to work and complete the tasks that I need to complete. I am going to miss her so much. And there is nothing I can do to save her. Nothing I can do other than have her put down. I don't like
my options. But I don't know how long I can keep her like this. I keep giving myself lines in the sand, but she is still having good days rather than bad ones. I was hoping that the end would be a little
more clear. But it doesn't look like it's going to be.
I hate this part of pet ownership. She has given me 6 wonderful years. I wasn't always as attentive as I should have been. I allowed life to get in the way and she is the one that paid for how busy I was
but I hope I was a good dad. I am going to miss her. The next time you see me write it will be after she has left us.


Thank you all for being here, pray that I have the strength to do the right thing by her. I love her so much.